To move my family into my parents house?

[savingallday]

My parents have offered to have us for up to a year so we can finish saving for our house. They have realised through all of this that we need to buy ASAP so they have offered and said we only need to contribute towards the electricity bill and obviously towards food.

We are a family of 4, me dh and two dc. My parents have 3 spare bedrooms so there is space. My dh is worried that we will have no space/time to ourselves as such. I can see his point but if we move in we will be able to save 2.5k a month. (Our travel costs will be a lot less too!) and my dm has said we won't need after school as she is now fully retired (she got let go from her part time position at beginning of Covid and isn't returning)

We already have 10k so if we stay a year then we will have an extra 30k!!!

I think it's our only chance to get this done and a year isn't THAT long on the scheme of things. Dh isn't AGAINST it he just needs more coaxing! What do I say to convince him, or am I jumping the gun??Obviously we can't move until we are allowed but it gives us time to think...

AIBU...

It will be hard to get your own space and time, however why not come up with a list of ideas for how to achieve that with your DH, and try to set out some 'ground rules' with your parents before moving in so you are able to maintain a degree of separateness.

It's a great opportunity to get your own house asap, and if you can find some workarounds to allay your husband's worries I think you should jump at the chance.

I wouldn't go in trying to convince DH to do this.
You need to both sit down and discuss what life will look like practically living in someone else's home and address the issues that come up.

For example, would it be worth the extra finances if you barely have time as a couple and there's tension between how you want to raise DC and your mum's input? How will it work if and when your DC want friends over?

If at the end of the conversation he is on board then great, if not then you need a different plan together.

That's a very generous offer from your parents, but you all need to be able to get on for it to work. Your parents are not used to having so many people in their house and may come to hate the crowding and the noise. Likewise, you and your DH may not like the fact you are guests and the lack of space and privacy.

Do you parents use any of the spare bedrooms? Are your DCs young enough that they could share a room and you could make the third one into a temporary communal room for your family to sit and watch tv and such?

It’s definitely worth it for a year. Can you fit a small two seat couch and tv in what would be your bedroom and a high head board and cushions for the kids so you can watch movies tv in there. Maybe some lap trays to play board games.

Don’t coax your DH into this. You need him 100 % on board - cause if not your first fight will involve him saying, “I didn’t want to live here”.

Present the facts and if he wants to go for it.

I love both my inlaws, but there is no way I could live with either of them for a year.

One of those bedrooms would need to be used as a little sitting room for your family.

Everyone will need space from each other.

How would meals work?

Its a good idea ONLY if family relationships aren't destroyed.

Can your children share a bedroom too.

The more time you take to explore how this will work the better.

Space from each other is key.

Good luck.

Yes I was thinking the dc would share...my dp's don't use any of the rooms.

My parents are not big tv watchers so that would practically be ours and we would use Netflix on the laptop/iPad for movies like we do anyway.

Meals-isn't one I have thought about but my dm LOVES cooking and cooks all the meals for the two of them anyway. I'm guessing maybe we could take turns. Breakfast would be a fend for yourself kind of thing I imagine.

I would look at it factually with DH, costs, savings etc
Then look at it from the emotional aspect- how will DH feel living with in laws for a year, also yourself, (we did this with my DM, nearly drove me batty). What do you need to do to make it work eg. Would you make house rules (turn off lights, taps etc) have a rota for cooking meals including Meals you have together or apart.
Then weigh it all up, or even if you think how about 6-9 months rather than a year.

@altiara yeah I think a meal rota might be a good idea...we are all very good at conserving energy however so I don't see that as an issue, we will be paying half the electricity bill anyway so what we use we pay for.

I would probably do this, one year of potentially not living your best lives, compared to 5 years of scrimping and saving anyway.

Wiuld your parents be ok minding the children over night every so often so you and DH get quality time alone? I'd think about whether you could treat you and DH to a night out, few drinks and an overnight stay in a hotel in the local town every other Saturday night
/ once per month. You'll need time and space for each other or you could go mad living in close confinement with your parents. It could be a passion killer. Sounds like you'll save a decent amount. Not sure I could have lived with my in laws for a year though.

I was gonna say the same Re overnights away where you can have loud screamy sex.

How old are the kids?

I saw that OP, I just thinking more about people’s habits and how that’s the sort of thing that drives people mad!

It’s one of those ideas that sounds like a no brainer on paper but I would be VERY wary. DH and I lived with my parents for a couple of months in between properties (we were moving from one city to another). No DC, plenty of room in the house for us to have our own space. Everyone gets on well. It ended up not only causing huge issues between me and DH but my relationship with my parents suffered as well. We had different ways of doing things, different norms. It was tough. You need to think very, very carefully. Things that you might not even consider can end up causing huge issues - remember having a massive blow up once over washing up. Silly little things get magnified. Don’t dismiss your DH’s concerns offhand here...

I’d go for it, its a chance to set yourselves up for life. With the money your saving if you need a break now and again it’ll be affordable to stay in hotels....if your parents need a break you can take the children away to.

If you are getting three rooms then I would have one as a family living room where either you all can escape to or even just the DC's.

My cousin has moved into her parents house with her children and I know her dad finds it hard not having quiet time. They don't have the luxury of a spare room.

I would focus on how much you could save. You could have an agreement that if it doesn't work then you only stay 6 months.

This could really change your life around.

The key here is setting ground rules, having family time and your own space, not all eating every meal together, not all sitting every night watching the tv. They are your parents not his.

So if your husband agrees, then you need to talk to your partners about the ground rules how you’d like it to work, as they may take offence if they have different expectations.

So agree them up front with your husband, what would he need in place for it to work, then see if your parents are ok with that too.

Thanks everyone.Some good for thought.

@SleepingStandingUp the dc are 6 and 8

Have the children share a room and use the extra bedroom as a lounge/playroom for the 4 of you. A place to go to keep out of everyone's way. If your parents are easy to get along with, a year of this would be worth it to buy a home as quickly as possible.

Young enough to share regardless of sex then. So I'd hey them to share and use the extra room as a play space. Set your bedroom up so you can chill in there too.
One night away a month for you and if try and get some weekends in to visit friends with the kids as well every few months if possible. T that's a lot of money to save

I think the parents might want to set the ground rules to an extent as it is their house, and not the OP's, and as they are being very kind in offering this to the OP and her family.

We lived with my parents for 15 months while renovating; me, DH and a then 18mo. It was fine tbh, we did have a separate TV room which helped a lot and my mum and I did a loose plan at the beginning of every week for meals. We didn’t always all eat together but usually did. Weekends/nights away help as well, as did breaking out sometimes for a long day/sleepover at my in laws. I miss it, 4 adults to 1 toddler is about the ideal ratio mum was actually saying the other day she wished we were still there!