AIBU to give up my volunteering role at a time like this?

[ThroughHedgeBackwards]

I have had a very rough few years. From about 4 years ago I was horribly peri-menopausal with horrible physical symptoms and also the most awful intrusive thoughts which literally nearly sent me over the edge of sanity. I battled this to the ground and then for the last 18 months I have had very serious marriage problems. These are better, but not great. My response to this was to get my life in order so I got myself a p/t job (was a SAHM) and started volunteering 2 half days a week. I also made lots of efforts socially and made some lovely new friends. I was due to go full time in my p/t job on 01 Sept, after summer school holidays.

Then Coronavirus. My job won't be going f/t now and I'll be lucky to keep it past a few months. Some of our elderly relatives including grandparents have been really ill with the illness and one died leaving us all in shock. I have been OK with the lockdown until this week when it is all starting to get to me.

Usually I like to help others, be kind and I am very grateful for everything that I have. I am lucky and I like to give back. This lockdown has shown me that I am actually quite resilient and up until this week I have been perfectly fine with everything. However, I am now waking up with anxiety, starting to feel a bit depressed. It has been many, many years since I have put myself first. Since I had DC. I just feel like I need a break and to heal from the past few years and concentrate on myself otherwise I am going to crack. My volunteer role is not something where it is helping the sick and it is actually a bit frustrating and I feel bad for considering packing it in to concentrate on myself for a while. It feels alien to me and a bit selfish. I've been selfless for so long and have forgotten how to do it. When I look back on my life there has been so many times I have had to battle issues to the ground and I am tired.

I’m sorry for everything you’ve been through op, it sounds like you’ve had a hard time

What do you mean by concentrate on myself? sometimes giving everything up to sit at home by yourself can be the worst thing to do for anxiety and depression. Have you spoken to your GP?

If it’s not sparking joy right now, then yes, it would be perfectly reasonable for you to say I am sorry, I need to take a break. Everyone should understand. Well done on all you have done and take care of yourself.

Thanks bothX

I've been in the doldrums of anxiety and depression before and I can pull back form it if I make a big effort. concentrate on myself means just pull up the drawbridge for a while and recuperate. It feels like I have been through a grinder and need a very long holiday. I don't intend on staying inside alone, quite the opposite when we are let out of lockdown.

My volunteer role is quite full on. Think helpline sort of work and I just feel that I don't have the mental energy to help others at the moment. Right now I feel like I need to save myself, something I have not felt like for a long time, if ever.

Of course it's ok to stop.

You know the cliche - fit your own oxygen mask first. What you do sounds wonderful but you need to treat yourself as if you were a client. There is no shame in saying I need a break especially after what we have all been going through over the last three months.

I give you permission!!

I completely understand.

I've scaled down my own volunteering during lockdown and stopped agreeing to do new projects - but plenty of people have stepped forward who weren't volunteering before.

Part of me hates saying no, but I'm under a lot of stress, and there are a bunch of new people on furlough with lots of time to spare who genuinely want to help and have more energy than I do. Taking a step back, it makes sense to pass my volunteering load onto them.

It's OK to take a break for your own wellbeing. It doesn't mean you won't come back to it all when you're in a better place to do so.

I've given up volunteering and won't be going back to it.

As someone who works for a charity supported by volunteers, I can tell you that your (former) colleagues will feel nothing but gratitude for the work you've done.

Don't feel guilty, feel proud of how much of yourself you've given for the benefit of others.

Take time for yourself now, then maybe consider volunteering again if and when you're ready.

Anything you do as a volunteer is a bonus. No-one has any right complain if you stop.