Aib u to expect DH to be self motivated.Or am I a control freak?

[whatisforteamum]

All lockdown I have been the one the share out there chores and keep some kind of rhythm to our days.DH works until 3 I normally get in 10/1030.
I have said he can decided what we do but he never knows even when he wakes up.He is 60.!! So day by day I've persuaded him to help with painting the house,at first he resisted then got stuck in and felt a sense of achievement.
The same with the garden and so on.I've tried to use previous time to get jobs done.
I never went in the garage as I knew there was a mess in there.After many rows he said he had done it.It was a shock when I couldn't get in the door so I had to spend most of the day with his shouting at me sorting it out.Dump sell etc.Now he is happy.He made some money.
I find this quite draining as I shouldn't have to motivate him.I am quite a driven person and know that things have to be done.
The next thing will be when furlough ends of he does not have a job.I suggested he looks now as he was out of work last year.
Am I a control freak or just self motivated

My dh starts "jobs", I dread him deciding what the next thing that "needs" doing will be. At the moment it's the garden. It will look nice when it's done, but I was fine with how it was. He seems to need to be constantly busy.

I'm a bit lazy at heart. I only really do things I enjoy, otherwise I lose interest or give up. Dh seems to need to fill every minute with worthwhile activity.

If we didn't have dc, I'd have happily spent the first few weeks of lockdown in bed, in my pjs or just doing nothing.

He needs to pull his weight and do the jobs that he needs to get done; but you seem to be deliberately trying to find things to occupy his time, like he was a toddler needing to be stimulated and kept out of mischief, rather than an older man who wants to be in charge of his own life, inasmuch as he lives and shares a house with you and also needs to consider your (and shared) needs and interests too.

You have very different personalities in respect to keeping busy vs taking time to relax, but you seem to assume that your way is the correct one and that he is therefore wrong. It's a bit like where some extroverts will strong-arm introverts into sharing the same riotous gregarious fun that they enjoy when they were actually very content with their own quiet thoughts and their version of 'happy' has now been ruined.

I know it's a commonly-made statement on MN, but if your sexes were reversed, I don't think many posters would take very kindly to your behaviour at all.

Fair enough.Thank you for all your comments.I Would describe us as opposites.I guess this is more apparent as we age.I think I will leave him to it from now on.