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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

for hating DH right now?

20 replies

bonkerz · 21/09/2007 17:55

I do hate him and i dont know how i can get him to see things from my point of view. Let me explain!

Dh works long days with 3 hours travelling time etc. He gets 2 days off a week. Dh was off Wednesday and i let him have house to himself so he could relax. Dh also had today off and id asked him if we could go out just me him and DD for the day. This was agreed. This morning he stomped about moaning how he works hard and deserves time to himself. he wanted to saty in all day again! Now normally this doesnt bother me BUT he is working all weekend and hasnt seen DD or DS much for 5 days due to his working hours. Am i wrong to assume that he may want to spend time with me and DD on his only day off for another 5 days bearing in mind i let him have his own space on wednesday?

Anyway he has been grumpy all day because DD wanted to play with him and he wanted to watch sport. He has called me lazy and called me a nagging bitch so ive just packed up some clothes for me and kids and we are off to sisters for weekend.

He is now playing the wounded soldier act because he wont see DS and DSD tomorrow night even though it would only be for half hour anyway as he gets home at 7!

He doesnt understand why im shitty with him. He cant see that i would rather go somewhere where i can have adult conversation than stay home with kids all weekend.

OP posts:
munz · 21/09/2007 17:57

tbh this is part of the reason i'm glad i'm no longer with my H - you have just descibed how we were.

LowFat · 21/09/2007 17:58

YANBU if you let him have all day wednesday - has he got a family or not FGS?!

I'd go to your sisters and let him stew in his own juices!

munz · 21/09/2007 17:58

but no you're not being unreasonable - I understnad and agree (but then i'm bais! lol)

Original poster
bonkerz · 21/09/2007 17:58

yeah as i suspected. Things not great anyway but he shows his true colours sometimes and i cannot stnad him.

OP posts:
Original poster
bonkerz · 21/09/2007 17:59

thanks guys. I actually cried earlier because i dont understand why he doesnt want to spend time as a family when we have the opportunity to. I love to spend time with him and DD on his days off but he would rather sit and watch football!

OP posts:
Dior · 21/09/2007 17:59

Message withdrawn

munz · 21/09/2007 18:00

tbh bonkerz - this is pretty much how I felt with my now x - for the last week i've thought about asking him back etc but after today no way. he won't change and now I want more for me and DS.

I started to hate my H (big time as well) and both DS & I are a lot happier on our own.

Original poster
bonkerz · 21/09/2007 18:01

just told him he wont be able to go to his pub quiz on sunday night because he has to take DSD back to her mum and he REALLY is not happy now!

OP posts:
collision · 21/09/2007 18:02

You dont hate him really though

you are just a bit miffed and rightly so.

Go to your DSis and have a good time and he will be nice to you when you come back.

DirtyGertiefromnumber30 · 21/09/2007 18:03

dh and i are going though a really bad patch. neither of us can understand where the other is coming from and the resentment building up is overwhelming. We are going to try councelling and see where that gets us.
I really understand how frustrated and upset you must be.

yomellamoHelly · 21/09/2007 18:08

Agree to be home on Sunday for 7pm and tell him you'll keep the kids up so he can do the whole quality time / putting kids to bed thing himself. If he doesn't keep his part of the deal you don't ever clear the house for him, since you don't get amy time off, and in a few weeks time you arrange a day out for yourself on his day off. If he does your sanity is restored for another couple of months and everyone's happy.

Original poster
bonkerz · 21/09/2007 18:09

we were supposed to go councilling a few months ago. I looked into it but we really cannot afford it! Tried to get discount etc but apparently dh earns too much!

OP posts:
Original poster
bonkerz · 21/09/2007 18:11

he doesnt get the
'when do i get a day off' argument! he just responds with
'well you go to work and i will stay hoime all day!'

Am definately going to go away and will arrange to be home sunday so he can go pub quiz BUT im telling him from now on his days off are to be spent looking after his DD for atleast 2 hours!!

OP posts:
munz · 21/09/2007 18:14

ah this is so familiar unfortunatly thou my XH will/won't try any form of relate.

agree with the sunday night thing as well.

are you able to arange a pamper day at elast for you and your sister and leave the LO's with DH - so at least you ahve a day alone and he sees how much work it is.

lulumama · 21/09/2007 18:14

but if you go, the DCs miss out on what little time they have with DH and he gets his own way, which is acting as though he has no family !!

can you afford to have some help with teh DCs during hte week, so that you don;t feel you are always , always with them.

if he never spends the day with them, he might well ahve no concept of how hard and draining and demanding it is

calling oyu a nagging bitch is absoultey not on

if he won;t listen, can you write it all down for him?

Original poster
bonkerz · 21/09/2007 18:15

lol well my sis lives 2 hours away BUT her dh is having my 3 kids when we go out dancing saturday night so will get some ME time whilst away! Will forcw the issue more whilst im away and will talk better over phone too with DH.

OP posts:
Original poster
bonkerz · 21/09/2007 18:16

strangely i am actually writing a letter to him on the computer which will pop up when he signs on later!

OP posts:
bluespring · 21/09/2007 20:27

I quite understand where you are coming from; my DP works 3 days a week, I work full time, and sometimes he "chooses" to work at the weekends. This I find very tiring - he gets two days off without the children and I have no days off. He does not understand why I find this overwhelming. Sometimes I do think that we are two different species. But how to get in their shoes????

Original poster
bonkerz · 22/09/2007 08:30

I knowim hypersensitive at the moment ayway as i gave up working full time 3 weeks ago at his rquest. Maybe naively i thought i was giving up work so i could concentrate on the kids BUT i have a feeling he isannoyed that the house isnt sparkling a im out at todler groups ad dance lessons with DD and am also doing some adhoc flower deliveries for local florist! My days are manic and i dont stop so only really gve the house a good clean once or twice a week, although we are never actually home so house looks like show home anyway! I know he is pissed at me for not cooking when he gets home at 10pm and im annoyed at him for not helping t all with kids when he is home!
Left and came to my sisters lst night. Rang him when we arrived at 10pmand didnt et anything from him. He didnt even say bye or anything so i left on a slammed door!

Am gonna write him a long email for tonight and see if i can just get through in some small was how i am feeling!

OP posts:
law3 · 22/09/2007 08:56

hi bonkerz - try this website, i cant do links!! but here is the address www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3200_love.html

Its kinda like self counselling, have a look, it might help.

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