How to find if DH has another phone?

[kaylap7]

DH was recently caught out doing something which revealed some upsetting internet activity which was a betrayal of trust. Once caught he was very forthcoming and revealed so much information that answered years of spidey sense tingles. I am still deciding if our relationship can survive it (and taking my time to deal with it all alone).

I'd prefer not to go into detail about what it was etc please.

I recently got a horrible gut feeling though. However, I can't tell if it's me trying to overthink, worry, or just paranoia at this stage. I will also say that it is Mumsnet that first made me ever think of another phone and not something I suspected myself.

Here are the facts:

• DH has had other iPhones. If he had a second phone it would be his old phone.
• he has never had any cash, any money or anything unaccounted for. He could not have even done cash back at a supermarket as he keeps all his receipts.
• as a result, it's unlikely that he has a SIM and impossible that he has put credit on it.
• this makes me think he would need to use WiFi. I have checked our router, there are no unknown devices logged onto our WiFi.
• I have heard (in the new house we moved into 2 months ago) a chime noise on two occasions. I have no idea where this has come from. It could be something else although I'm not sure what.

I really feel like I need to know everything. This anxiety and wondering is killing me.

Can you ask him to pop to the shops unexpectedly? - no chance to go take his other phone with him - - a window of searching opportunity for you op..

Honestly OP, if he has a secret phone (unlikely if he can't top up without your knowledge) do you actually think he would have he volume turned on? It would more likely be on silent at all times.
I think you may need to address your trust issues, or just talk to him again.

All evidence points to him not having one.

Why do you think he has?

Regardless if he does or doesn't this is causing you so much anxiety, do you really need this?
If you can't trust him because he has broken that trust in the past can you ever be happy?

The level to which you are monitoring his private life/finances/purchaces is horrific, married or not.

This is no way for either of you to live.

@araiwa

All evidence points to him not having one.

Why do you think he has?

Thanks to MN. No man can be trusted.

This will be your life from now on. Always being suspicious, always being on high alert looking for the next F-up! Once trust is gone it’s gone you never see that person through the same lens.

Although tbf, it looks like he genuinely couldn't be trusted.

Jesus, what's happened to condone such a high level of intrusion?!

Honestly, I'd break it off now. You're checking receipts, WiFi routers, purchases, bank accounts...
This is no way to live life; it'll send you insane.

Whatever it is... leave.

Goodness me. Without context, I think it will be hard to advise. You’re acting in a very intrusive manner, and this could be justified based on his actions or the way you’re behaving could be verging on abusive. It’s impossible to say.

Should have been clear - I know about all banking and finance and receipts because we meticulously plan our finances as we are doing the FIRE movement. I am the accountant so I deal with it all - so all innocent. I've just never seen anything to be suspicious of.

We go to the shops together and when we go alone we each keep receipt to keep each other aware. I use receipts to organise the meal plan to stick to budget!

The WiFi router etc and all has just come in the past 3 weeks when I caught DH.

Sit him down and ask him, tell him your concerns, heart to heart.
If you trying to work it out then, A clean slate is a clean slate. You have to be able To move on. If you can’t, you can’t, not your fault.

Rummage the house and car. It can’t be that hard to search for average house size. If you find nothing. Would you let it go? Do you trust him?

What does it matter? You already know he's not to be trusted. You don't need any further "proof".

It's no way to live. Call it a day OP or accept you are living with someone who does not respect you and is likely to always lie to you in some shape or form.

You obviously don't trust him and are not happy. Leave the guy, trying to decide if the relationship is worth it whilst doing all you are is ridiculous.
Say you've caught him watching porn, are you ever going to relax everytime he goes on the internet, or will you spend your life trying to check his watch history etc. Not saying it's that BTW, just an example.

If someone is connected to the WiFi that you find suspect. I can’t believe I’m saying this but use your phone to see what Bluetooth/hotspots are on. You’d need to do it randomly when you think he would be on it but that would show him giving WiFi to another device without it flagging on the modem. He would have to be really wanting to hide it from you to be doing that though.