To want to go on holiday without 3yo and 10 month old

[16more]

Lots of people in my family are planning to go on holiday next summer. Cousins uncle auntie etc are all going. None of them have children so it's going to be a very laid back boozy week. A few days ago I suggested that I go on my own without dp and the kids cos he hates going on holiday anyway and never wants to go to other countries and obviously with a baby and toddler on my own it's going to be far from enjoyable if you ask me. Now he's saying he's not going to take the days off work to look after them so I can go, even though he's been to Ibiza for a week on a stag do and twice has been to a festival that's been 4/5 days away. But now I'm not allowed to enjoy a week away with my family on my own because it's my family and I should take the kids apparently. I don't have any friends so there's no way I would be going on a hen do or anything like that so I would see this as my chance to let my hair down. So disappointed that he sees it ok for him to go where he likes without the kids but for me I should take them.

[16more]

@DemolitionBarbie the baby will be 10 months. I will find it extremely hard to leave the baby I know this, but also I will have a 10 year old son as well from a different relationship. So this will be the first time in 10 years that I will have had a break and actually for once I was going to put my own mental health first because I'm really feeling it now!

[Etinox]

There’s definitely an imbalance in the time you get off and him. But a week, including time off work is a long time. Can his relations come and stay? So he’s not taking a full week off work?

[AllsortsofAwkward]

Why dont you socialize though op what happened to you're friends? I'm a mother to 3 dc yet I had nights out, visited friends etc. Did you go out before dc?

[Juno231]

Wow he's being nuts about this. I'd just make it clear you are going and he'll have to take care of the kids and that's that, there are no options for him.

[crazychemist]

My initial thought was that it would be tough to leave him with two kids, one of them under a year old, for a holiday away. But then I read that he has done this 3 times - so YANBU at all! I don’t think I’d like to do this myself, but then DH wouldn’t either, that’s our family dynamic and it works for us. Whatever your family dynamic is, it should be equal, so if he gets breaks away from the kids, so should you. Selfish of him otherwise.

[CherrySpritz]

@DemolitionBarbie

He's being an arse BUT do you mean your baby is 10mo now or would be 10mo then? I wouldn't be able to leave a 10mo that long, especially partner wasn't used to it...

Well luckily, he’ll have until next summer to get used to looking after the baby.

[Oysterbabe]

Of course he should just do it, but could his parents come and stay while you are away so maybe he can still do a bit of work and get some help?

[CherrySpritz]

@Etinox

There’s definitely an imbalance in the time you get off and him. But a week, including time off work is a long time. Can his relations come and stay? So he’s not taking a full week off work?

Apparently, he manages to take a full week off to go to a stag do in Ibiza so I can’t see why this is any different work wise.

[3LittleMonkeyz]

People always come out with that "oh I wouldn't be able to leave a baby that young" but we are all different. It's like saying that because you are vegan every one else must be or that because you vote Tory everyone else should or that because you wouldn't have an abortion nobody else should. Your personal feelings have nothing to do with other people's lives.

[16more]

@Etinox it would be 5 days he took off work, which is the same as what he took off when it was him going to Ibiza, and only 1 or 2 more days off than when he went to festivals so why is it not too long for him?

[16more]

He would probably go and stay with his mum if this happens which means he would be able to go and do odd jobs or stuff in the evening as well

[Lucywilde]

He sounds unbelievably selfish! They’re his kids too. And he’s been off on holidays and was happy enough. What’s he like in general with pulling his weight?

[Etinox]

If Ibiza was the same time and He would stay with his Mum, he really doesn’t have a leg to stand on. Book it OP!

[AllsortsofAwkward]

How old are you guys? He sounds very young. Please op crave a separate life for yourself when lockdown is finished attend baby groups, pick up a hobby where you can socialise. The imbalance here is palpable hes off swaning to ibiza whilst leaving you with the dc.

[Lazypuppy]

Even if he is self employed, he should sort his income so he can pay himself a basic wage during holiday/annual leave -if he has no money set aside thats his own problem.

[bumbleb33s]

OP That poor sod having to spend a week in Ibiza for someone else

piss funny ;)

[RainMustFall]

Obviously he is in the wrong but I am wondering how much parenting he has done of your two children. Do you actually trust him to give them proper care in your absence?

[SkySmiler]

Totally selfish twat, so it's one rule for you but another for him, do not give in, GO!

[MotherofKitties]

OP, go.

I've been in holiday without my child and my DH. DH has been away without me or our LO. We both needed it for our sanity and we came back better parents as a result. If your DH doesn't want to go anyway he can suck up a few days and look after his own children.

It's not unreasonable for you wanting to go by yourself and he's being totally unreasonable by making it difficult. I would just book it.

[Colom]

Oh please just go OP! Don't let him stop you. If the baby hasn't been born yet perhaps he's just nervous about the prospect and thinks he'd be out of his depth? Not excusing him but worth figuring out why he's saying this? Is he the jealous/insecure type?

As an aside I went on holiday when my DD's were 10months and 2.5years and it really wasn't hard to leave them at all! I had the best time I was a SAHM with a DH who works away so the break was really needed and did me the world of good.

[YouDancin]

You could ask him what it is about his time that makes it more valuable on holiday than yours?
Why is it acceptable for him to go away from home but not you?

He sounds like a complete selfish twat tbh. Sorry.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

Does that mean he never takes time off again for himself?

Personally I'd be looking at my relationship because I very much doubt this is the one area you are unequal in.

[Silveroriole]

He sounds very self-centred and unwilling to take his fair share of childcare, so YANBU.
But planning to leave a ten-month old baby who is far too young to understand that you'll be coming back is not a good plan and equally self-centred so YABU. Save the money for a family holiday the year after and plan to share the childcare fairly while you're away.

[recycledbottle]

Unbelievable. You even said he would just go to his Mums who would probably do most of the work and he still wont do it. Why dont you ask MIL to babysit?

[maddening]

Arrange childcare and tell him to get a fucking grip. Yanbu.