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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are these things intrinsically irritating or am I irritable?

30 replies

Msmcc1212 · 31/05/2020 20:41

It may be hormones and lockdown cabin fever but I’m finding the following behaviours in DH intensely irritating. Like need to scream into a pillow irritating:

  • sighing loudly every time I enter the room or he enters the room
  • mumbling quietly rather than talking clearly
  • leaving lids off things, cupboard doors and drawers open
  • leaving things on the floor in doorways (so he will remember to take them somewhere else but doesn’t - just steps over them)
  • eating a mouthful mid sentence so we have to wait until he’s finished for the next bit. Sometimes several times in one monologue.
  • eating REALLY noisily

I could go on. DH is a really lovely man and great husband and father but good god at the moment...

Would you be irritated? I’m really trying to stay calm and non reactive but I’m struggling. AIBU to feel irritated (not that I can help it)?

OP posts:
sawollya · 31/05/2020 20:42

I would find those behaviors inconsiderate yes!

sawollya · 31/05/2020 20:43

The sighing when you enter a room is a bit unsettling.. is there a row festering or is this his normal?

EL8888 · 31/05/2020 20:44

Have you stole my fiancé?! He does ALL those things apart from the leaving stuff in doorways. That’s only because he only puts stuff away after prompting. They are all deeply annoying

NoWordForFluffy · 31/05/2020 20:44

I'd be planning a new patio in your shoes!

CompleteBarstool · 31/05/2020 20:48

Does he breathe too?

Because mine does that and it really fucking annoys me

(Disclaimer - I'm a bit more irritable than usual today)

MoaningMinniee · 31/05/2020 20:50

I think I deserve a very big prize for not having bludgeoned DP to death many weeks ago... Grin!

Meanwhile to be serious for a couple of seconds, OP how old are you? Because, rather depressingly, I have realised my hearing is less and less sensitive over the few years or so. I'm 55. I've been grumping at DP for ignoring me for about five years, he's sixty.

I'm going to book a double appointment for hearing aids when it's a good thing to do again. And bludgeon him to death if he refuses...

RumbaswithPumbaas · 31/05/2020 20:56

Yanbu I think it’s just marriage though Grin

recycledteenager24 · 31/05/2020 21:09

EL888if that's really the case i'd rethink the getting married bit tbh

Liverbird77 · 31/05/2020 21:12

My husband does that eating mid sentence thing too. Annoys the hell out of me!!

lifestooshort123 · 31/05/2020 22:30

He is irritating. Every time I speak to MOH he coughs long and loud on about the 3rd word so I have to stop and start again. I think it's a control issue but it could be nerves and he's afraid I'm going to ask him to start pulling his weight in lockdown.

Original poster
Msmcc1212 · 31/05/2020 22:39

sawollya: possibly. Also I think it might be an ‘I am so tired!’ Signal. May be hoping for sympathy - but I’m lacking in that department at the moment!

MoaningMinniee: had hearing tested and it is ok.

Thanks all. Good To know I’m not alone and irritation is normal!

Aaaaaaand breeeeaaaathe!

OP posts:
YurtleTheTurtle · 31/05/2020 22:42

Mine is so fucking rude at the moment that I want to crack him one! DD showed him something earlier (just nonsense, but not the point) and his reaction was 'uh'. Not even a proper fucking word! And when I pulled him up on it, he got all offended! So rude!

Oysterbabe · 31/05/2020 22:42

leaving things on the floor in doorways (so he will remember to take them somewhere else but doesn’t - just steps over them)

Mine does this and it's one of the most annoying things he does. The amount of times I have to move crap out of the way of the door so I can open it.

WelcomeToTheNorth · 31/05/2020 22:44

Constant. Fucking. Podcasts.

He is followed around by a tinny podcast noise everywhere he goes. People fucking shouting at each other.

OtterBe4 · 31/05/2020 22:45

He has similar habits to my 90 yr old grandpa who has memory problems.

Justgivemewine · 31/05/2020 23:21

No yanbu I especially identify with the mumbling. I have hearing issues with low tones and it’s just sounds like mmmmmm mmmmmmm to me. The amount of times I have to tell him to speak clearly, you think he would realise by now!

My dh is lovely too, but atm I could happily do without him. Even his breathing annoys me. I blame lockdown, I love him really.

Doodar · 31/05/2020 23:50

The eating loudly would drive me crazy, do you tell him?

Soon2BeMumof3 · 01/06/2020 02:46

The taking a mouthful of food in the middle of saying something is really rude IMO. Are to meant to wait, patiently captivated, while he chews at his leisure and finally deigns to continue sharing his thoughts? It's incredibly arrogant and disrespectful if your time and attention.

Have you tried just walking off or starting to talk about something else when he does it? 'Oh I'm sorry DH, I assumed you were finished because you resumed eating.'

What a tit.

YANBU

Soon2BeMumof3 · 01/06/2020 02:48

I also hate mumbling. My brother does that, it drives me nuts. Again, disrespectful of the other person who has taken the time to listen to them.

Fucking concentrate and speak clearly, your words aren't riveting enough for me to have to beg for them to be repeated. Grrr!!!

Original poster
Msmcc1212 · 01/06/2020 06:27

Good to know it’s not just that I’m more irritable than usual and others find this stuff irritating too! Thanks so much for the replies. Smile

OP posts:
redwoodmazza · 01/06/2020 07:55

When I first got together with my now DH, 32 years ago, I told him I HATED people biting nails or picking their teeth.
Guess what he still does to this day?
I BLOODY HATE IT!!! GRRRRR.....

Iamthewombat · 01/06/2020 08:04

sighing loudly every time I enter the room or he enters the room

I think he’s doing this so that you will know that he is troubled and wants to have a whinge about something. Which you are expected to patiently listen to because you’ll have nothing more important to do, will you?

The cause is probably entirely unrelated to you. My DH gets up earlier than me (WFH, I sleep an hour and a half longer than normal). He waits for the sound of the shower then comes into the bathroom, whilst I am trying to shower in peace, to moan about his colleagues, bosses and team being incompetent and not doing what he wants. He always starts with a sigh. To show that nobody knows the troubles he’s seen.

mumbling quietly rather than talking clearly

Yes, so that you have to concentrate on his important pronouncements, see?

eating a mouthful mid sentence so we have to wait

This too. Wants to hold court to his audience of one (me) about what is wrong with everything in the world but mostly the business he works in whilst the audience (me) hangs on his every word.

Chemenger · 01/06/2020 08:06

My DH has always mumbled, usually with his back to me. He also has a habit of dropping syllables, running words together and speaking in phrases rather than whole sentences. Sometimes it takes three or four repetitions before I have the faintest idea what he’s saying. 25 years of him having to repeat things over and over again. He never, ever closes a cupboard door or turns a light off either.

Dublincalling2 · 01/06/2020 08:21

Mine too is irritating the crap out of me including

Singing loudly, made up songs
Eating, munching loudly
Takes ages getting ready to go out exercise, a full hour yesterday morning to prepare for a cycle, I thought he had gone
Goes missing, to meditate or rest his eyes

I am hormonal, we’re all working from home and stuck within 5km ,of the house. I’d say my laziness, phone usage is annoying him too!

Lunaballoon · 01/06/2020 08:39

I sympathise with the mumbling too. As well as mumbling, my DH also whispers, so I’m never even sure if he’s talking to me or himself!Confused