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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this should have been discussed first?

19 replies

RainRainGoAway2020 · 31/05/2020 18:27

DH just got back from a “walk” and I immediately got the feeling that he had been drinking. Turns out he went and sat in his friends garden and had drinks.
He did not mention this was his intention to me at all and it’s very unlikely he just happened to walk past and see his mate. So he obviously went out for this specific purpose.
I’m pissed off because I feel he shouldn’t have tried to deceive me. We haven’t seen anybody for 13 weeks now and I feel if we were going to start meeting up with people it should have been a discussion first? He’s now unilaterally decided for the whole family in my view. As usual he’s dismissing me and saying I’m uptight and it’s no different to him going to the supermarket.

OP posts:

Betty98 · 31/05/2020 18:31

It’s hard to tell from your post who was being unreasonable. I’d just say that in this climate everyone needs to cut each other some slack and that might work both ways here?

SeasonFinale · 31/05/2020 18:32

He is allowed to meet a friend on their garden.

He presumably decided not to ask "your permission" because you wouldn't grant it. Why does he need your permission?

He is correct that actually he is less likely to catch CV from a socially distanced drink than going round Tesco touching lots of things.

PositiveLife · 31/05/2020 18:35

Are you or DC shielding? Otherwise I can't see a problem really

Trevsadick · 31/05/2020 18:35

How has he decided for the whole family?

Is he usually sneaky? Surely it could have been last minute.

Is there a reason he didn't tell you, like he knows you wouldn't have discussed it but just said no?

TreeTopTim · 31/05/2020 18:37

I don't see the big deal unless there is some information missing. I was out for a walk and bumped into a friend and ended up spending the afternoon in her garden. Why did it need to be decided between the two of you who you can see?

DDiva · 31/05/2020 18:38

Is someone in your household vulnerable? You do seem particularly risk averse. Its odd that he felt it easier to lie than to discuss it, but then maybe he felt you wouldn't discuss it and just say no.

CocoR · 31/05/2020 18:40

People have been allowed to see one other person ours for a few weeks?

Original poster

RainRainGoAway2020 · 31/05/2020 18:41

Yes he is usually sneaky especially where alcohol is concerned!
We are not shielding but I was hoping to visit my mum who is high risk. I thought that would be ok right now as we’ve seen nobody else at all, or so I thought.

OP posts:

bigchris · 31/05/2020 18:43

You can still see your mum

Sounds like he's scared to tell you he wants a drink

Original poster

RainRainGoAway2020 · 31/05/2020 18:44

I’m probably overreacting due to the alcohol involvement as that has been an issue previously. Pubs reopening is something I’m dreading.

OP posts:

steff13 · 31/05/2020 18:45

Does he drink excessively?

Original poster

RainRainGoAway2020 · 31/05/2020 18:48

Yes. He’s drunk a huge amount over lockdown but being at home at least means I don’t have to deal with any of the other BS that usually comes with it. It’s only his health and weight being affected. I think this has brought up that familiar feeling of anxiety that I’ve not had to deal with for the past few months.

OP posts:

MrsGrindah · 31/05/2020 18:48

So it’s the drink that’s the problem not him meeting people ?

Original poster

RainRainGoAway2020 · 31/05/2020 18:52

I guess it’s brought up the anger I have over alcohol and the many lies he’s told over it through the years. I’ve not had to deal with it and I’d forgotten the anxiety it causes.

OP posts:

Nillynally · 31/05/2020 18:54

You're pissed off because he didn't tell you. I don't think he's done anything wrong tbh except not discuss it with you first, but he probably thought you'd forbid it so it's easier to beg forgiveness than ask permission.

TooTiredTodayOk · 31/05/2020 18:56

So it's not the walk or the meeting a friend, it's the drinking that's the problem.

I normally hate those inspirational quotes that you see doing the rounds on social media but one has really stuck with me during lockdown...

In the rush to return to normal, use this time to consider which parts of normal are worth rushing back to.

Gurning · 31/05/2020 19:16

Ugh, I hate sneaky liars. Especially when it comes to drinking. He knows he has a problem, or he wouldn't hide it.

Bluetrews25 · 31/05/2020 19:20

This is what your life with him is like. Sneaking out for drinks. And all the other BS that goes with it.
Is this what you want?
Is this what you want your DCs to see as normal?
Think hard.
Similar thread on here by Mydoghasbettereyebrowsthanme. It might be useful to read.

PasserbyEffect · 31/05/2020 19:32

He is allowed to meet a friend on their garden.
Yes, as long as they stay 2m apart and respect other social distancing rules, such as: don't touch something another person has just touched.
I guess if he brought his own beers, then fine. Otherwise, it's hard to see how he could stick with the rules.
I guess Boris suggesting people could have bbq (while the scientific advisors rolled their eyes and suggested a "bring your own food" picnic alternative) didn't help make the rules clearer.

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