To send DD to nursery (in September)

[ForeverBubblegum]

Not a corona one, so assuming that nurseries are more or less back to normal by then.

DD will have just turned 1, and I also have a 3year old who will be moving up to preschool in September. I'm in the lucky position of not really 'needing' the childcare as I'll only be doing very part time work at home, which I'm currently fitting in when the kids are in bed. However I'm thinking about sending DD to nursery 1 day a week, and wanted to ask people's opinions on if this would be ok / fair to DD.

DS's preschool is half days, so I would still have him in the morning, and think it would be great for him to have some 1 to 1 time after a year of "not right now, baby needs xyz". I also think he's going to struggle with the transition to preschool, after 6 months at home, so having some dedicated mummy time might help with this also.

In the afternoon I could get some work done, so I don't have the stress of squeezing it in the evening before the inevitable night waking (both terrible sleepers). Or possibly just tidy the house, or even have a coffee without anyone claiming on me.

To avoid drip feeding DS has suspected autism (under assessment, but on hold due to corona), and parenting him can be tough. This combined with caring for baby, which is difficult for everyone, means I'm just mentally and physically drained. We don't have any family help, so this would be the only way to get time away.

For me, anything that makes life that bit easier would be a godsend, but I just feel so selfish for wanting to send her when it is avoidable.

YANBU

The only thing I would say is that it can be hard for babies to settle on one day a week. It might be better/easier (if you have the flexibility) to send her a few mornings/afternoons instead of one full day.

YANBU
Nurseries aren't just for your benefit. They allow your child to socialise, to learn, to be more independent, to get used to different environments.... There are so many benefits of nursery. If you're happy for your child to go and your child is happy to go then there is no problem here.
Your post is close to saying "I'm a stay at home parent, AIBU if I send my child to school instead of homeschooling?". Obviously not unreasonable. You do what works best for you and your family.

YANBU at all.
FWIW my DS does one full day per week and loves it. He’s had no issues settling.

Not unreasonable at all, however we found many nurseries have a minimum of 2 days or 3 half days (might be different where you are)

Thank you for your replies, I know she will be fine, I'm just really struggling to shift the mum guilt.

Something really does need to give, and I think this will be good for our family as a whole. It just doesn't sit right that DD is the one losing out when 90% of the reason I need the break is DS.

I'm trying so hard to make sure she gets the same attention she would if he was NT, but I'm really struggling to stretch far enough. I know it probably is the right thing for us, but it feels like I'm admitting I can't stop her from being affected.

But she's not missing out, she's gaining something by going to nursery.

If it doesn't sit right with you, maybe explore other options (childminder, mother's help, nanny or nanny share) and see if any of those feel better. If you feel she's missing out on one to one time, then one of those may be a more comfortable fit.