Shielding elderly parents when your kids return to school?

[Noconceptofnormal]

Have 3dc under 5 and a husband who is working very long hours through the pandemic due to the nature of his job so therefore I don't really get a lot of help from him (he's not lazy or a crap dad, please just take my word that he can't do more).

Usually my parents (particularly my mum) are very hands on in helping with the grandkids. They are late 70s but both in good health, not overweight. At the beginning of the pandemic we started to shield them (even before lockdown), so they weren't in contact with us. Both households really were cut off, neither went out or saw anyone, all food shops online.

As lockdown progressed we thought it was pointless continuing to be separated as we both knew we didn't have the virus so they started to come over again and helped me with the children again which was very welcome. I'm not interested in any Coronanazi opinions on this as I was 100 percent sure, we couldn't have picked it up which is why we did it.

Now schools are reopening my eldest will be going to school and my toddler will be doing a couple of days of nursery (smaller feeder nursery to school).

So I'm just wondering whether we need to go back to separating households again. Cases have dropped a lot in our area so risk seems low but it's obviously still there.

My parents and husband both think the risk is very low and we should carry on as we are. I'm not sure,it is very tough for me without any help but I also feel wary of the risk which I know is low but we don't know whether will start rising again.

If anyone is in the same boat, what are you deciding to do with your grandparents if your kids are going back to school?

Yabu - it's fine, continue as you are
Yanbu - you should shield parents whilst your kids are at school.

Why do you need help from your elderly parents if your children will be back at school/nursery??

@NoHardSell unlike Dominic Cummings, I like to follow the law.
A teenager died alone because his parents were told they couldn't be with him.
So yes, I will follow the rules. To protect my family, the NHS and follow the law.

YABU to use the term Coronanazi. Glib Nazi comparisons are distasteful at best when you think of the atrocities they committed. Words are important. Using nazi when you mean busybody, annoying, stupid, arrogant etc etc devalues the word and what is behind it

I saw coronastasi and I understand exactly what is behind it. The Nazi and Stasi regimes could not have operated to the extent that they did without informers. We've had plenty of those during lockdown.

OP why do you think you need to shield your parents if they are in good health? They don't sound like they are at risk other than age, so let them decide?

Interesting, thanks all.

I do work on a business sideline we have, but it's part time and flexible.

Not going to school is not an option, both husband and I feel strongly they should make up for lost time with their education.

duckchick yes the 8% death rate stats are what initially scared me and why we were uber vigilant for a number of weeks. But as time goes on there is obviously more nuance than that - the 8% who have lost their lives have predominantly had preexisting conditions and/or been obese. My parents aren't in either category so their risk is definitely lower than that, but how much lower I don't know.

As I say, if I was to leave it up to them, they have assessed the risk and they feel OK continuing to come, they want to continue seeing their grandchildren, they are very close to them.

But as pp have also said, I would feel to blame if they did get ill as a result of seeing us.

Hugglespuffed respectfully it is up to you what you have decided to do with your family as it is up to me what I have done with mine. As it happens I think it is barbaric to let people, let alone children die on their own, in the particular case you refer to of that child, the NHS themselves have admitted that was wrong.

jijiji I do have a chronic condition that flares up which makes childcare difficult at times, and I do have to work as well.

I still have a baby at home, and the toddler is only at nursery very part time.

I can manage without their help but it is much harder, it's a vicious cycle where my condition flares up more when I'm tired and overstretched, so then I need more help.

And it's not just about me, both my parents adore my children and want to be with them.

We are in exactly the same position. My kids will be going back to school. I have left the decision to the GPs

I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong so far, and would completely agree with the choice you made to see your parents while everything was still fully in lockdown and you knew you were safe. I wouldn’t agree with my parents still coming over for the first few weeks back at school though, I’d want to protect them just in case. I think I’d wait for at least the first two or three weeks after the dc first go back, and if there has been a rise in numbers, then you’ll feel like you’ve done the right thing. If the numbers go down after a couple of weeks then you can go back to seeing your parents if that are comfortable with the risk, and they will only have missed out on a little time with your children.

What have your parents decided to do atila?

nails yes testing the water and seeing if numbers keep falling is a sensible idea, thank you.

I’m in a similar sitar’s we live with a grandparent. They are mid 60s and fairly fit and healthy but a bit overweight, heigh bp and were pre diabetic at the last test. One dc is meant to be back at school on Monday! If it wasn’t for the gp I don’t think I would be so worried, I think the benefits outweigh the risk for dc but I’m really unsure if we are doing the right thing.

I'm not sure 3 children under 5 need to catch up on their education 🙄 but if they must go to school/childcare,then I think you should by be seeing your parents. You can't have it all ways. Well , I suppose you can,but it wouldn't be wise.

*situation