Silent treatment - AIBU?

[topflower123]

Looking for advice on what to do please...yesterday my sister (living together in our parents house) hit me very hard three times while we had an argument. Actually not so much an argument - I had left some dishes out and was going to do them when finished working and she flew into a rage.

Since then, I have not been speaking to her at all - she has sent me a note to say that she is sorry for what she did and there was no excuse but when I said that I just don't want to speak to her she became angry again and accused me of being childish. I do feel guilty for doing this but just because she has apologised does not mean I need to accept it.

Am I being childish by not speaking to her at all? The only thing I have said to her is that she is lucky I did not call the police and report her for assault (not me sniping, I was being honest!)

We are identical twins so our relationship has always been extremely close and I do love her a lot - however I think she needs professional help around controlling behaviour and anger. Currently I just dont have the headspace to be talking to her!

YANBU, and it doesn’t sound like a good or safe environment. How old are you both? If she can’t stop herself from lashing out at another adult she needs pretty serious professional help. And you would be well within your rights to refuse to spend time with her until she has started that process.

I understand why you’re angry, generally I don’t think the silent treatment benefits anyone as it adds further tension and stress to the situation. However I am more concerned that your sister physically assaulted you, does this happen often? You should be able to live somewhere without fear of being assaulted.

Thanks for the replies

We are 26 (so fully grown adults!) and I should have clarified - I am not totally giving the silent treatment but speaking to her civilly so as much as I need to. It's more that she feels that now she has apologised things can go back to normal. Now I feel like I have done something wrong.

She definitely has a temper and gets easily frustrated, and can snipe over pointless things when annoyed. E.g: was just sitting in the living room with my Mum, she on her laptop - I mispronounced a word from the TV and she loudly corrected me and muttered something about my stupidity under her breath.

Sorry for the long post - guess I just needed to let it out!

Are your parents there too? How does she react with them? Do they try and stop her during an outburst?

Needing time out after an upsetting event is perfectly reasonable. I would say to her that her apology hasn't immediately made things right and you need time to process what happened, in the meantime you want her to give you some space. You have done nothing wrong here.
Your Sister in the other hand has a serious issue with anger management and is being unreasonable to expect you to get over her assaulting you just because she's apologised. See is guilty of domestic violence and it's no less serious because you are Sisters. I think you need to do whatever you have to to keep yourself safe. Her anger after she apologized suggests she's not able to relate to how distressing the assault was for you which in turn leads me to think she wouldn't hesitate to do it again. Do you have anywhere else to go or does she?

You will only see clearly on the seriousness of the abuse situation by being away from her physically and having space to experience more healthy connections. It really is the only way. Sounds like she's a narcissist or has a personality disorder or both. Silent treatment when you show some resistance against the controlling behaviour is a classic red flag. You won't be able to change it. She may change but something requires healing and that takes a lot of time and working through things. Sometimes not even possible. Perhaps make some plans to change your living arrangements so that you can be at a safe distance.

At 26, you should be living on your own. I suggest you make plans to move out as quickly as possible. Distance from your sister is clearly needed. I would make it very clear to her that if she ever hits you again, you will be calling the police.