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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Mid 30s, how many friends do you have?!

57 replies

C1239 · 30/05/2020 18:13

Just that really, if your in your mid 30s how many good friends do you have? How often do you see them? Have you found your friendship groups have changed compared to your 20s? How do you go about making new friends at this age?!

OP posts:
argueifnecessary · 30/05/2020 20:02

2 close friends in the new place/country that I moved to 3 years ago but have quite a few close friends overall. Some, I speak to every day, some every couple of weeks but still consider them close.
Uni friends have disappeared more or less, highschool friends are closer and believe it or not, but childhood friends are the closest - as in we have been friends since we were 3 - there are a few of us, all from the same street.

smilingthroughgrittedteeth · 30/05/2020 20:04

Im 37 and have 2 really close friends then 6 'mum' friends i see semi regularly and 3 friends who were work friends prior to me becoming a sahm who i see every couple of months.

Savingshoes · 30/05/2020 20:19

About 5-10.
Female friends I make an effort to see about once a month to catch up over coffee and we tend to go away together for a weekend a year each. None of them know each other.
Male friends I don't tend to meet up with unless it's in a group/with DP and their significant other but would send jokes or the odd text every few months.
Mix of ages though... range from 20s-50s and live all over the country. Happy to travel to them, they rarely come visit me despite being welcome but it still suits me.

Whattodo121 · 30/05/2020 20:21

Have a large group of uni friends, probably about 30 odd in total now everyone’s married with kids etc. Am closer to individuals within that group, as is DH. We tend to get together a couple of times a year for birthdays etc.
Ex housemate friends-they’re very close and always the people I tell important news to first. See them rarely due to distance, but incredibly dear to me.
School friends-not a strong group really anymore but am fond of them. We have whatsapp groups and occasional catchups which are good fun.
Couple of really best friends that I speak to most days via WhatsApp. Both ex work colleagues from different jobs, neither live hugely close but see them whenever I can.
Mum friends/casual friends-see for play dates in holidays and occasional coffees
Friends through my hobby - intense friendships based on shared experience - will spend a week with them at a time and then not speak to them for 6 months Grin

So I have lots of friends but don’t have a group/gang really. Birthdays are weird as not everyone knows each other.

Frokni · 30/05/2020 20:26

I am 33. Have 1 best friend from school. 2 good friends from my time in London in my 20s and 1 good mum friend (who I met in a mum context a few years ago). 5 max I guess.

Drivingdownthe101 · 30/05/2020 20:33

I’m 35. I have 4 ‘best friends’, who I am in contact with a few times a week. 3 live close by so I see them often, 1 further away so I see her a couple of times a year.
I then have another larger group of around 8 of us... we catch up a few times a year for dinner/drinks etc but more sporadic contact.
Then my NCT friends from when DD1 was born 7 years ago. I have moved away but we aim to catch up all together every year and talk a couple of times a month.
Then DH and I have some ‘couple friends’, one set we stay with every year for a couple of days about 3 hours away, 2 others we have dinner with a few times a year.
Some ‘mum friends’ from DC’s school but they’re much more casual friendships.

Ilovemyhairbeingstroked · 30/05/2020 20:35

0 too much hassle .

zscaler · 30/05/2020 20:42

I have my best friend from school, and two very close friends who are both people I used to work with. Then I have my sister and sister in law, who are obviously family but also my best friends. I see all of them every couple of weeks or so.

I have three other good friends who I love very much but see rarely because we live very far from each other.

I then have a wider circle who I’m not as close to but enjoy socialising with fairly regularly - some of my current coworkers, my book club, friends of friends.

I’m pregnant so I expect I will make mum friends in due course. Otherwise, I’ve met people through hobbies and work, mostly.

Daftodil · 30/05/2020 20:50

I have 5 school friends I have kept in touch with, a couple of friends I used to drink with as a (underage) teenager, and about 5 uni friends I'm in touch with. I have work mates and mum mates, but these are fairly shallow friendships and tend to revolve around work or children. Unfortunately, since becoming a mum, I tend to see more of my "mates" and less of my "friends" iyswim.

RunSoICanEatCheese · 30/05/2020 20:56

I have 4 very close friends, but I know them on a 1-1 basis, they don’t know each other very well and so we don’t socialise as a group. That suits me as I don’t enjoy being in large groups of women.
They are a mix of 6th-form best friend, one I met through work, one I met through a course I did, and one I met when our DS’s were tiny. 3 are local and 1 lives 2 hours away. I normally see one of them once a week, others once every few weeks but we speak once a week and text most days.

I have my Uni mates, a mix of men and women, about 7 of us in total, and we meet up once or twice a year.

My husband has a large group of friends from school and all have wives/girlfriends and children now, so when we all meet, there’s about 25 of us and we take over half the pub! We normally meet 4 or 5 times a year for bbq’s or a day out.

I don’t have any friends from school because I went to school in a not very nice area and I went on to 6th form college and then university, whereas they all stayed in the area and we just didn’t have anything in common other than being from the same shit-hole town!

NutellaOnButteryToast · 30/05/2020 20:58

About 5 good friends. Only 1 from my early 20's, the rest are fairly recent, over the past 8-10 years.

Would love to make more friends when we move, but I don't have any young DCs (one teen) so I suspect it won't be easy. That seems to be the "in" these days at this sort of age, for making new friends in a new community.

YakkityYakYakYak · 30/05/2020 21:00

I very rarely see anyone from my home town. I’d say I’ve got 4 proper close friends, they are all people I met at Uni; I’ve got one ‘best friend’ and then a group of three women that I’m very close to, we all had children around the same time and I think that really consolidated our friendship.
Other than that there are a few couples that DH and I have met through work over the years and see every few months, and I keep in touch with the mums from my NCT group.

Pleasedontdrawonyoursister · 30/05/2020 21:01

3 close friends who I’ve known since school, meet up every few weeks and talk frequently on WhatsApp. That’s it really. I know a few colleagues but I doubt we’d be in contact if I didn’t work there any more. School run mums who I speak to in the playground but don’t see any of them socially. I’m 32, 3 young children and very lonely if I’m honest! (I don’t get on with my OH, we will probably split soon)

skankingpiglet · 30/05/2020 21:02

6 very good pre-children friends, and a handful of 'mum friends' who I get on with well, but still feel quite guarded around. In normal times I see the 'mum friends' every week day for school runs/playdates etc and once every few months socially, and my pre-DCs friends anything from between weekly to monthly depending on what's happening in people's lives at the time. My pre-DCs friends have DCs of different ages and no longer live so close, which makes it trickier.

465768P · 30/05/2020 21:03

1 and thats my DP hes my best friend.

I've never been one to have lots of friends, less people less drama. I like a quiet life
Its never bothered me and I don't think it ever will.

SneakyBlinder · 30/05/2020 21:05
  1. If there was a number less than zero it’d be that.
I guess I’m just not friendship material.
YouCanMakeItIfYouTry · 30/05/2020 21:15

I'm 40 and struggling to really call anyone a really close friend right now. In my 30s I was too invested in marriage, kids and moving around. In my 20s I had many friends/acquaintances/contacts/parties to attend / people to text and call.

Now I'm in the throes of divorce and don't have anyone to talk with. Feels like I'm starting again, I guess

FloggingMoll · 30/05/2020 21:17

When I was in my 20s I considered myself to have lots of friends but as I got older, and life got harder, I realised that these friends were just fairweather friends.

I'm now 40 and I'd say I've got about 10 very good friends. A mix of uni mates and former colleagues. I don't see them often but when I do it's an event, and it never feels forced or weird.

BirdieFriendReturns · 30/05/2020 21:21

I’m always amazed how on Don’t Tell the Bride they have a dozen attendees on the hen party and several bridesmaids!

Mary46 · 30/05/2020 21:36

Harder to make when you older. 3 great friends one was school others met through jobs. Few school mams then. Gets harder with working and kids stuff on. I have bit more time since covid so more chats

SleepingStandingUp · 30/05/2020 21:38

For those that have 0, can I ask if that's choice or opportunity?

normalpeeps · 30/05/2020 21:41

In my 20s I felt very conscious about the number of friends I had, as after university I didn't really know how to go about making them.

I've found since meeting DH and having kids that it's all come a bit easily without consciously trying. I'm in my mid-thirties now and I have the following:

3 best friends from high school - chat every other day via WhatsApp, but spread across the world so only get to meet maybe 3 times a year

2 best friends from uni - chat once or twice a week via WhatsApp - live very far apart so only meet maybe 1-2 times a year

1 good friend from work - chat via WhatsApp every week or two, and meet maybe once a month, she doesn't live too far but not near either

3 good friends that are wives of DH's best friends - chat every couple of weeks, and meet maybe every 2-3 months

4 really good mum friends - WhatsApp most days and see each every other day

So 13 good friends, but have other more acquaintance type mainly mum type friends, and a few ex-colleagues who get the same train into work as me.

They say that you lose your mum friends quickly when you're kids end up doing different things/going to different schools etc. I'm not at that stage yet so we'll see.

I think as I've got older, I've become more confident and chatty and not bothered by rejection etc. when chatting to others.

SneakyBlinder · 30/05/2020 22:00

@SleepingStandingUp it’s not choice...I’d love to have a group of friends. Even just 1 friend....just someone to chat to/shop with/grab a coffee. I think past friends have just got fed up of me. As far as I know, I’m nice. I’m kind, caring, generous and loyal....I’m just the black sheep of everything and guess I always will be.

ScotchBonnits · 30/05/2020 22:01

Two close friends who I message a few times a week and whom I trust fully. About 10 acquaintances who I message once every month or two.

SparklingIsolation · 30/05/2020 22:21

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This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the request of the OP.

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