For background, my brother is in an abusive and controlling relationship with a history of mental abuse and suspected physical. I won't go into details but he's admitted the extent of it to me previously and it's appalling.
He has two little boys with his partner but is rarely allowed to bring them to visit his side of the family. He has three siblings, including me, and unless we visit him we don't get to see him or our nephews.
When we do try to visit, nine out of ten times there's an excuse at the last minute and they'll cancel on us. When the rare visits do happen, we are welcomed in and his partner makes a big show of being chatty so the actual time spent at their house isn't awful, especially as our children get to mix and get to know their cousins.
The problem I'd like outside perspectives on is that my partner, for understandable reasons, absolutely hates my brother's partner and cannot understand why my brother allows her to treat him and the rest of his family as terribly as is the case (and without going into too much outing detail, it has been absolutely terrible).
So,when the rare occasion arises that we're invited round, I encounter resistance from him - he refuses to come and doesn't want our young children exposed to the toxicity of their household. He's making a stand and I do understand and largely agree with his reasons why.
But to maintain a relationship with my brother and nephews and to allow our children to know their cousins, I think it's important we make the effort to stay in touch and take up the rare invites. I fear if we don't, my brother and his children will be cut off and feel more isolated in the middle of an abusive situation.
In an ideal world, he'd flee the situation and seek help but he's not at that stage yet and I don't feel that we should turn our backs and wait until he gets there.
But my partner doesn't want to be around her at all and it's getting to the stage where I'm always having to make excuses for him not coming and it's getting very obvious to everyone that he simply doesn't like being there and won't come any more. It's awkward, uncomfortable and sad for me - the whole situation is really upsetting.
We've been invited round for a socially distanced garden visit on Wednesday and in order to bring the kids to see their cousins, I actually need him to come with me now as we have a newborn and a young toddler that I'll struggle to wrangle alone. If the world was normal, I'd just go with another relative to help but I can only rely on him at the moment.
He's refusing to come and is angry with me for trying to persuade him to be around people he can't stand but I'd really like his support and it only happens every few months for a couple of hours - am I being unreasonable or should he put his righteous hostility to the side in order to be there for me (and by extension, my brother) in this situation?
Any advice on the overall situation (including how to get your sibling away from such a toxic environment!) would be welcomed and sorry if I've rambled a bit here but wanted to try and be clear.