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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To worry about being 'that employee;'?

66 replies

howdroll · 30/05/2020 12:24

Two years ago I admit I had poor personal hygiene in work. This was down to psychological issues caused by me being obese. I've lost all the weight and am now down to 8 stone and a size 8 after years of not being able to do it.
In work there was a general speech about the importance of keeping good personal hygiene and everyone knew it was directed towards me. Some of the vile cunts in work loved to make snide remarks

OP posts:
Popc0rn · 30/05/2020 13:15

A recent speech about personal hygiene would be about covid surely?

Do you shower regularly? Use deodorant? Wash your hands, have good oral hygiene and wash your clothes regularly? If you do then you should have nothing to worry about.

Original poster
howdroll · 30/05/2020 13:16

Not recent Popc0rn

OP posts:
ddl1 · 30/05/2020 13:20

I am sure they couldn't put things like that in a reference! Was the speech recent, or two years ago? If recent, I would assume that 'personal hygiene' meant 'due to the pandemic, everyone should remember to wash their hands regularly!' rather than anything directed at you. If it was two years ago, then it was certainly badly handled by the people in charge, but is there any reason for your thinking that it is resurfacing at present? If so, it might be worth taking it up with your union if you have one; and/or with ACAS.

AnnaBanana333 · 30/05/2020 13:27

This would never come up in a formal reference unless your HR department is run by Mr Bean.

And if it was two years ago I very much doubt anybody would hear it informally, either.

I was given a (1:1) talk about how I dressed and I understand how horrible it feels. I hid away after and cried. But other people will forget it much sooner than you, I promise.

Anon20201 · 30/05/2020 13:28

That’s awful! It’s brilliant you lost weight so be proud of yourself. No it will not come up in references at all as far as I’m aware. I’ve given a few references as I was a manager before I had my kids. There was nothing about personal hygiene it was just questions like timeliness, attendance etc.

Beefcurtains79 · 30/05/2020 13:31

Oh I see, the speech is still playing on your mind? I hate that 😔
But honestly I bet all anyone ever says or thinks about you now is how great you look and must feel now, and how fantastic it is that you lost all that weight.
No one but a massive dick would think or god forbid say ‘oh they used to smell years ago’. They’d look like (quite correctly) a right nasty twat!

BatShite · 30/05/2020 13:33

Unfortunatey, stuff like this generally sticks. I know someone who had BO issues in school, is the cleanest person you will ever meet now (infact overcompensated sometimes, very very strong smelling perfumes and such, probably because of her experience) who still to this day gets the same stuff said about something 20 years back. Its wrong, but it seems common.

I dn't see the point in worrying about this, as theres really nothing you can do to change it IMO. Just try to ignore it maybe.

Congrats on the weightloss by the way. Hope you feel better in yourself fr it.

BatShite · 30/05/2020 13:34

Or yes, it could be about someone else of course. My answer is..not that supportive but I figured it might be relevant..sorry.

Elouera · 30/05/2020 13:40

Well done on the weight loss. I used to manage a guy that didn't wear any deodorant and he stank! It really was awful, but there is not way I could or would have put that into a reference! Surely it borders on discrimination as it might have been due to religion, culture or something else? A reference is about performance, not skin colour, someones size or lack of perfume!

If the 'talk' about hygiene was 2yrs ago, I'm unsure why you are still worrying about it now? If it really concerns you, then make a break and a fresh start elsewhere.

Elouera · 30/05/2020 13:43

I forgot, I also had a staff member who had a disproportionally enormous bum and found clothes difficult to fit that would cover the rump. Again, there is no way this would have been mentioned on a reference!

nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut · 30/05/2020 13:45

They cant put that in a reference. Most they could say is No on the section where it asks if they would hire you again l.

CloudsCanLookLikeSheep · 30/05/2020 13:52

I work in HR and have had to advise managers on how to have the hygiene conversation a few times. It's more common than you may think - I've had this issue crop up twice this year (two separate people) in the organisation I work in.

I would never advise for it to be done as you explain above, in a group setting. Even if no names are mentioned usually people will know who it is directed at, and if the person is 'in denial' they will just think it is not about them anyway.

I always advise to have the conversation privately, behind closed doors and be honest and upfront. Also to ask if there are medical issues.

Sounds like they have gone about this really badly.

CrowdedHouseinQuarantine · 30/05/2020 14:01

but it is not ongoing?
i am sorry, try and move on.
if it was aimed at you was it the impetus you needed to lose weight and look after your hygiene a bit better?

Original poster
howdroll · 30/05/2020 14:04

its not ongoing

OP posts:
lilyboleyn · 30/05/2020 14:05

I agree. It sounds awful and like you had a really rough time, but it’s not something that would be mentioned in a reference. Well done to you for losing the weight!

Waveysnail · 30/05/2020 14:07

You admit you had poor personal hygiene and I'm guessing smelled? Of course work were going to give a general chat as they cant single you out.

HollyBollyBooBoo · 30/05/2020 14:14

Am I understanding correctly that this event happened 2 years ago but it's continuously playing on your mind?

Onemorefuck · 30/05/2020 14:17

I think if it was two years ago, it wouldn’t have any bearing on references. Gossip says more about them than of you now

GrandAltogetherSo · 30/05/2020 14:42

Bloody hell, OP. That’s appalling!

The management person who made the (shit) speech should have been sacked for gross incompetence. A decent manager will raise issues directly with the person involved, not try and get others to do their job for them.

A reference must be factually correct and these days most companies are too risk averse to put in anything other than dates worked. I really wouldn’t worry about this any further.

cabbageking · 30/05/2020 14:44

Were the comments valid two years ago?

If so it could have been handled in a better manner but the point is you are not that person now.

I would be concerned about your language though.

Original poster
howdroll · 30/05/2020 14:45

HollyBollyBooBoo - yes I was worried about future references

OP posts:
Aretheystillasleepbob · 30/05/2020 14:50

No-one is going to mention your previous poor hygiene in references, that would be bizarre.
Presumably you would have been to an interview and met a prospective employer before asking for references so they would be aware that your hygiene is fine.
Only ask for reference from someone who will be positive about you, but anyone who would throw in a PS s/he used to be fat and smelly will come off as a complete nut case.

OmgThereAreNoPlanesAboveMeNow · 30/05/2020 14:50

I don't know how you imagine references look but most of the time they are pretty simple.
No one will put on references that you had hygiene issue years ago.

ACautionaryTale · 30/05/2020 14:52

Why would being obese mean you had poor hygiene.

I’m obese and there is nothing wrong with my hygiene.

Likewise I know some skinnies who are the biggest skanks going.

I don’t get the link

Taliya · 30/05/2020 14:54

Well done for the weight loss. I doubt it will affect references if you have been good at your job and rectified the personal hygiene issues.

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