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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Advice on what to do

24 replies

Poing · 29/05/2020 23:20

What would you do if, outside of school hours, a 7/8 year old boy privately asked your 7 year old daughter to pull her pants down and then chased her (unsuccessfully) to make her do it? Would you contact the mum to gently discuss, or talk to the boy or neither?

Open, honest answers please.

OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 29/05/2020 23:29

Was it cheeky or sinister?

WhenPushComesToShove · 29/05/2020 23:33

Eeeeek.... I think you very gently have to tell the Mum in an 'I thought you should know so you can explain things to him' kind of way. Imagine if you were her how upsetting this would be to hear about your child but it has to be dealt with for everyone's sake. Very best of luck with that! How is your daughter; what a horrible experience for her. So difficult

Original poster
Poing · 29/05/2020 23:35

It is hard to tell if cheeky or sinister. DD was upset. We have a history in our family of child sexual abuse and I am not sure what a normal reaction should be.

OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 29/05/2020 23:42

If DD was upset and you know the mum well enough I would talk to her about it.

Ameliablue · 29/05/2020 23:44

Talk to the mum if you feel she is approachable

cabbageking · 29/05/2020 23:48

Talk to the mum. You might glean some info from her reaction. Is it something he has done before, she is concerned about, thinks is funny or it is the first time she has heard of it? Your response and advice to your daughter may be affected by her reaction/response perhaps?

Sparklesocks · 29/05/2020 23:53

I would speak to the mum and explain what happened.

I’d also speak to my DD and comfort her for what happened, but reinforce she did the right thing by refusing and telling me about it, because her body is her own.

Original poster
Poing · 29/05/2020 23:53

Is it normal behaviour in this age-group? I think so. I mean, the urge to look and touch never goes away, does it. That there was some indication coercion/intimidation is worrying me a bit, and I do not know if I can convey that to the mum without really upsetting her/alienating her.

OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 29/05/2020 23:54

Are they at school together? Or at a club together? If so, I might talk to the teacher instead of the mum as that might be easier.

Original poster
Poing · 29/05/2020 23:55

Regardless, we won't be having further contact with the boy at DD's request

OP posts:
Original poster
Poing · 29/05/2020 23:59

No, they are not. That was a good idea, though.

OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 30/05/2020 00:09

I think doing this in a cheeky way is quite normal at this age They just think bums are hilarious. My DC is 8, but a year or so ago he came home almost every day with tales of 'so and so showed their bum'/'so and so showed their pants' etc. Both boys and girls. Teachers obviously dealt with each case they heard about, but ultimately I think they just grew out of it.

The asking privately and the chasing sounds a bit more serious though.

ProseccoBubbleFantasies · 30/05/2020 00:15

How did this happen in lockdown?

ProudMarys · 30/05/2020 00:33

I would have a word with the parents even if the boy was just being very silly. It's vital he knows he has crossed the line and it can be serious. He needs to be taught never to do it again and it's inappropriate.

fallfallfall · 30/05/2020 00:39

Odd that no one is suggesting social services. That’s who I’d call.

Barryisland · 30/05/2020 00:46

Was it cheeky or sinister?

What?? Neither. Its INAPPROPRIATE.
Speak to the mum first and see if she takes it seriously.
If not report to the police.

BeingKindIsFree · 30/05/2020 00:47

No this isn't normal and whether it wasibly cheeky doesn't matter. The point is it needs addressing that this is highly inappropriate at the very least.

It could also be a safeguarding issue, as in learned behaviours. I'd tell his mum.

PlantPottingPlantPotting · 30/05/2020 00:53

What do you mean privately? I’d have a word with the mum tbh. Reiterate to your daughter that she doesn’t take her clothes off when people ask/tell her too & make sure she knows she did the right thing to refuse

Waveysnail · 30/05/2020 01:58

Sadly some parents dont have the conversation from a young age about body autonomy, respecting other people, privates are private etc. They think makes kids grow up too fast. If this happened is a childcare situation you need to discuss it with them

Original poster
Poing · 30/05/2020 06:58

Ok. Thanks all

OP posts:
crispysausagerolls · 30/05/2020 07:00

Police and social services?! They are 7!!! Jesus Christ.

I think this is quite normal
Behaviour at this age, yes. To be discouraged obviously - comfort your daughter and talk to the mother of
The boy.

For context, when I was around that age during a play date, a male friend pulled out his willy and played it like a guitar! One of my brothers also flashed a girl
At school at a similar age when she asked to see it.

Msmcc1212 · 30/05/2020 07:05

Totally normal behaviour. However, still a good idea to talk to parents so they can help him to learn appropriate boundaries.

The most helpful thing you have/can do is help your DC know that it’s ‘their body, their choice’. She knew she didn’t want to and talked with you about it.

BarryIsland. Calling police would be totally over the top. He’s 7 and learning what are ver complex social rules. He’s not a criminal.

crispysausagerolls · 30/05/2020 07:08

@Msmcc1212

Thank Christ for someone speaking sense

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