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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be more lonely now restrictions are easing

17 replies

Starbuggy · 29/05/2020 21:22

I’ve always been happy with my own company and loved living alone. But I surprised myself at how lonely I’ve been in lockdown. And now restrictions are slowly easing it’s just getting worse. Because everyone else is starting to see family and friends and I’m not. I have no local family and the few friends I have are naturally prioritising seeing family. I don’t blame them in any way, it just makes me sad. Everyone else is so happy when the restrictions are being relaxed, they’re counting down to them relaxing further. And I just look further down the line and know that as everyone else starts getting in with life again I’ll still be sat here on my own and it just feels hopeless and miserable

OP posts:

Ladywinesalot · 29/05/2020 21:29

Lockdown has had us all feeling a certain type of way regarding relationships and our place in the world. I sympathise with you as I’m not close to my family and by god it’s made me feel incredibly painfully alone in this world. I have now words of wisdom but for you to know your not alone.

Ladywinesalot · 29/05/2020 21:29

*no

Lemonpink88 · 29/05/2020 21:54

Hope your okay OP.
You will see your friends in time, you sound empathetic & a good friend realising they may want to see family first.it dosnt make you less important to people, you will bring other things to their lives that family can’t.
Once restrictions are lifted if you do feel youv isolated yourself a little could u find ways to meet others or be within a community?

CatsBass · 29/05/2020 22:04

I'm in exactly the same boat Starbuggy. I cried tonight and remembered how much happier and more connected I felt back in 2010.
If it's any consolation OP - in 2008 I felt very fat and lonely. (I'm only mentioning me being fat as it affected my own confidence). By 2010 I lost all the weight and my life was better than I could ever have imagined because 2 very unexpectedly good things happened to me. I try and take comfort from this now - if it happened once it can happen again and if it happened to me it can also happen to anyone else.

DuckALaurent · 29/05/2020 22:10

I really sympathise with how you feel OP. Aside from DH and DD (who I’ve been locked down with) I have no immediate family left living and only a small extended family who live over an hour away and are shielding. My DM died suddenly (accident) at the end of last year so DH and DD are really it for me.

I have a couple of friends who I’ll look forward to seeing but they’ll obviously be prioritising their immediate families first (rightly so).

I just feel sad when people talk of now being able to see family, as I have none close to see.

echt · 29/05/2020 22:21

I feel for you, OP. I live alone, DD on the other side of the city. No other family in Australia. I used to be good at living alone, before I met my late DH, but lockdown is different, of course.

I've been too busy to feel sad much, but the earlier and great easing of restrictions in Victoria has brought it back crushingly how isolated I feel, how much I miss my DH. I'm corrodingly envious of those who have an adult to talk to.

NumbsMet · 29/05/2020 22:39

I think the 'easing' restrictions is probably the main source of what's troubling you. You mentioned that you're happy in your own company, but remember you didn't choose to isolate. Whilst restrictions are lifting you're focusing on who you have available to see, and because the visitation regulations are still so strict and they have closer family to meet first, you are still essentially forbidden from meeting your friends, so the choice isn't yours. I personally believe that you will feel better once meeting people is no longer restricted and then any choice you make to stay home alone will be your own again

Eckhart · 29/05/2020 22:45

If this is how you feel, can you not choose to make 'coming out of lockdown' into a productive period of friend-making in your life? When people are allowed to meet again, why not challenge yourself to join, say, 3 groups who meet regularly, doing things you love?

And also, solitude rocks, COVID or not. Have you lost your faith in it?

Original poster

Starbuggy · 29/05/2020 22:54

Thank you for your kind words, I’m really sorry that some of you are feeling the same way but in a way glad it’s not just me.

OP posts:

cissyandbessy · 29/05/2020 22:59

It's not just you. I have family scattered all over the world but not super close and lockdown has just highlighted that and made me feel sad at times. The news we can see 6 people has just highlighted to me that I don't have 6 people really to invite to my garden right now. I will have to go about making new friends after this is over and even dip my toe back into dating. Feels very daunting at almost 50!

Eckhart · 29/05/2020 23:19

Definitely not just you!

Mistlewoeandwhine · 29/05/2020 23:26

In 1999, I was utterly alone: dumped by my fiancé of ten years and my two best friends moved to other countries whilst the other two got boyfriends and became unavailable. I was n/c with my family due to childhood abuse and had only my beloved Granny left (and she was in and out of hospital). I broke my arm and spent weeks and weeks living on my own and being on my own. It just became normal for me to be that lonely. In 2000 I decided to up sticks and start again. I moved to a new job in a new country (in the UK) and by 2004, I was a home owner, married and expecting my first child. I also made friends that I still have 16 years later. And I wasn’t young btw, I was in my thirties. I didn’t expect this life but I am pleased with it. Maybe it’s time to try something new?

Lockdownlooks · 29/05/2020 23:35

I’m in lockdown with DParents. I am dreading going back to office work as in another city and I won’t be able to come back here unless I isolate for a week. I have no friends there (or many here either).

I was slowly trying to increase by using meet-up and a choir. I know choirs won’t start for a very long time. I doubt people will want to meet with relative strangers to make new friends through meet-up. Yet I can’t stay with DParents forever.

claret3189 · 29/05/2020 23:38

Hello

So glad to have read this i too am feeling the same.

I don't have any family so i am really feeling it. I am also feeling a lack of support from friends ido have and this makes me question how alone i actually am. I do think lockdown has heightened everything sending best wishes

Boulshired · 29/05/2020 23:50

I am finding it hard being happy for others whilst I just want to scream. I was coping in lockdown with my disabled son because it was short term, many people in the same boat or worse off and every where was quiet, so we could go out. Now people are getting on with their live, it’s too busy to take him out, neighbour hates him in the garden and school do not want him till at least September and respite is cancelled. We are a family of five but feel extremely isolated. I just have to keep reminding myself there are others struggling.

scoobyd2 · 29/05/2020 23:53

I'm the same OP, on my own with family 250 miles away. I'm in a flat with no outdoor space, in the middle of a city, no car as I can't drive for medical reasons. Love my own company and love where I live - but it feels really lonely right now watching others enjoy being outside in the country or the coast, and gearing up to meet loved ones nearby. I feel like I'm in permanent lockdown.

to everyone feeling lonely right now.

claret3189 · 29/05/2020 23:57

Hi scooby hope you get some comfort out of sharing your thoughts on mumsnet i find it helps

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