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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To start trying for a baby?

26 replies

Coffeeandwine123456 · 28/05/2020 20:22

What are people's views on trying for a baby given the current Covid situation. My partner and I are 29 and have wanted to try for a while now.

OP posts:
chillandrelax · 28/05/2020 20:36

It wouldn't have stopped me.

OwlinaTree · 28/05/2020 20:38

I'd go for it.

Curiosity101 · 28/05/2020 20:39

You've got to weigh it up from your own perspective. There's all the obvious stuff like job security, is your house suitable, is your relationship good, childcare/support etc. But realistically you're not going to fall pregnant until at least June? So a due date of March next year... there might be a vaccine before then so life might be semi-normal... but we can't guarantee it. How do you think you'll handle the stress of being pregnant in the midst of a pandemic? Sometimes once you see the second line on your HPT the protective instinct kicks in instantly and you want to be confident you'll manage it ok if that happens to you.

Personally... I had a horrendous pregnancy, you expect things to go straight forward but that just didn't happen for me. I was in and out of the hospital several times with very heavy bleeds and altogether spent something like almost 30 days in the hospital and only made it to 33+2 before a full placental abruption.

If I'd have had to have done that pretty much alone (and who knows when visitors will be allowed) and with health care professionals all in PPE all the time I'm not sure how I'd have coped. My MH was very iffy towards the end of my pregnancy and it took me a long time (and therapy) to get past it which meant I didn't start enjoying motherhood until my baby was roughly 4 months old. We also both had to stay in the hospital for 9 days PP after I'd had an emergency section and lost a lot of blood, so you can imagine just how healthy I felt at that point? (I was a nervous wreck).

Having said all of that... most pregnancies aren't like mine was and we're considering TTC a second later this year/early next year. The current pandemic will factor into our final decision but after the therapy I had, I feel much better equipped for dealing with any potential traumas.

Sorry - reading that back it was meant to be neutral/reassuring, but I'm not sure it is. Whatever you decide, just try to be as realistic as possible (maybe even a 'pros and cons' list of waiting vs not waiting?)

MondeoFan · 28/05/2020 20:39

Just do it, we don't know what's around the corner. We could have a 2nd wave but equally we may not. Don't put your life on hold for a virus. The baby won't be here until 2021.

VoyageInTheDark · 28/05/2020 20:44

We've decided to try but I'm mid 30s so I didn't want to leave it too late

Coffeeandwine123456 · 28/05/2020 20:55

Thank you for the replies so far. We are both teachers so fortunately have job security (especially as our schools are going back mid June). That's one thing I am worried about... Having to go to scans and all appointments alone, especially if it is a difficult pregnancy. I also don't want to put more pressure on the NHS :(

OP posts:
Curiosity101 · 28/05/2020 20:58

I also don't want to put more pressure on the NHS sad

Personally I don't see it that way with respt to pregnancy. Imagine if everyone waits until it's 'safe'? The maternity services would end up overwhelmed. The way they do their planning is based around conception/birth rates being reasonably steady.

Curiosity101 · 28/05/2020 20:58

*with respect to

BirdieFriendReturns · 28/05/2020 21:00

Still trying here, still not pregnant.

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 28/05/2020 21:01

I'd go for it, you don't know how long it may take you to fall pregnant!

EveryoneLoves09876 · 28/05/2020 21:01

It's not a great time tbh and pregnant friends have told me that if they'd known, they'd have waited. Easy to say when you're not desperate for a baby, I know. Could you at least wait until the end of the year or even September? It's not that far away really but could really help you and your baby. For all we know there will be other peaks and strains and ill effects to children and health. (These things always take a while to show).

If you aim to start in January then even if it's ongoing, you'll be in much better standing.

ShebaShimmyShake · 28/05/2020 21:02

Do it.

FilthyforFirth · 28/05/2020 21:03

I personally would wait, even just a few months. I say this as someone who is currently pregant (and was pre lockdown). Ante natal care is not brilliant currently and it is horrible not having DH at scans etc.

At 29 you have a bit of time. I feel more for those in their mid 30s.

BumpBundle · 28/05/2020 21:04

There is no right time. Ever.
My mirena coil failed when I got pregnant - we would absolutely never have planned to be pregnant. However, it worked out completely fine. If we hadn't got pregnant when we did then my husband wouldn't have changed jobs and we wouldn't have bought a bigger house.
That means we'd have been in a one bedroom house without a garden with my husband doing a two hour commute into central London. My little boy's timing was an absolute blessing.
You can't predict the future so just go for it.

BirdieFriendReturns · 28/05/2020 21:10

Last month on here, posters were saying you would be stupid and selfish to TTC and to wait until next year or something.

Not that I listened to a random on MN telling me what to do,

FL59 · 28/05/2020 21:12

Been thinking of starting this thread myself! It is such a tricky decision to make. I already have a child and am mid-30s so the situation is a bit different. I know I can get a bit anxious during pregnancy, so wondering how I'll cope during a pandemic. We are holding off for now and will reassess in a couple of months.

nervousnelly8 · 28/05/2020 21:19

I got pregnant just before lockdown and felt horrendous reading that thread which basically said anyone open to TTC during a pandemic was the worlds most selfish human being. Funny how things have changed in a couple of months!

Anyway - to you OP - go for it! It might not happen right away (or it might happen first time...) but either way, what exactly would you be waiting for? The community midwife care has been a bit different (over the phone only, and I had my bloods done at a "drive-through" cabin at the hospital!) But it's fine. I had a private scan with DH so that we could see baby together and so am not fussed about going to 12 week scan next week alone. The midwife at the drive through said she expected partners would be allowed back within the next month or so, so you probably wouldn't be doing that bit alone anyway.

LimpLettice · 28/05/2020 21:21

I'm nearly 30 weeks with a fairly high risk pregnancy - I have insulin dependent GD and am pretty ancient. I can compare to the same situation in 2018 where I was very well monitored to now, where I've seen my community midwife once and consultant once. Most extra scans were cancelled and everything is being done by phone.

The staff are there, the trust have planned for a standard birth rate, but face to face is limited. DH hasn't been allowed to any scans. So on the one hand I'd say it's not overwhelming maternity services; on the other, if you have any health anxiety I do feel a bit like I've been left to wing it and am grateful I have the experience of 18 mos ago to have a rough idea what to worry about!

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 28/05/2020 21:23

I’d leave it. See how things are in 6 months.

peardrops1 · 28/05/2020 21:25

I'd wait a few months, if you feel able to. But only you can decide!

NelliePig · 28/05/2020 21:27

I'm 36 weeks and honestly it's been fine being pregnant at the minute. If your someone who eed someone to hold your hand at every scan, or you need a baby shower then it might suck, but it's not that bad. Other than the midwives wearing facemasks and gloves it feels pretty normal at all the appointments and clinics I've been too :)
Dont let it put you off x

NelliePig · 28/05/2020 21:30

Also if your company has good HR like mine I got furloughed at full pay as was pregnant so end up with like 18 months maternity leave with all the holiday rolled over. So I get extra time off to spend with my baby too! Xx

Lexilooo · 28/05/2020 22:22

Depends how old you are. In your 20s wait, no sense making life more difficult or complex than necessary.

Late 30s you need to crack on, somewhere in between, might be worth giving it a few months.

84wood · 28/05/2020 22:43

What about 40s? Seriously considering but frightened tbh!

RyvitaBrevis · 28/05/2020 23:14

I'm pregnant now and don't regret it in the slightest!

Maternity services are relatively unaffected by covid, so please don't worry about putting pressure on the NHS. It will be worse for the NHS if everyone waits for a while and then goes for it all at once. I've not missed out on any scans and have only had one fewer midwife appointment than I would have anyway. As a specialised area of medicine, there were never plans to deploy midwives elsewhere during the crisis. And you don't know what will happen in 9 months' time. You also don't know how long it will take you to conceive. It took us 4 years in our early 30s and I would have started trying in my 20s with hindsight.

As far as going to scans and appointments alone goes, no, it's not ideal but if you are keen to start a family, I feel the bigger picture is more important, personally.

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