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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think the age of consideration for others is a thing of the past?

11 replies

VeeJayBee · 27/05/2020 20:14

Neighbours - mum, dad and three girls (16, 13 ish and 8). We get on with them very well. They don’t throw wild parties or have music blaring all the time. But it’s like they have zero volume button and don’t turn down the noise level of talking and the girls screaming
and the two younger ones seem to bounce their basket ball as loudly as can be on their patio which is directly below my 2 year old’s bedroom. It’s so frigging hot and I’d like to be able to keep her window open when getting her to sleep at night, but the bouncing of the ball plus the raucous screaming makes it impossible to be able to have window open at bedtime. Resulting in her sweating and waking up. She’s a hot sweaty child. I’m not going to say anything to them as we otherwise have a good relationship. That’s not my question. But it’s actually driving me mental that people can be so inconsiderate. As kids, my sister and I were never allowed to be loud outside, even during the day, and would literally NEVER have been allowed to bounce a basket ball loudly outside at 9/10pm. Out of consideration for others. I can hear my dad saying, “girls, keep it down, no one else wants to hear your noise, people are trying to relax in their gardens”. My neighbours know that that’s her room, they know she has always been a nightmare sleeper, I’m just wondering if no one considers anyone else these days? Feel like I should stop trying to consider others and let my child scream as loud as she likes at all hours of the day if no one else cares.
Hmph.
Sorry if loads of typos and if that didn’t come
out very well. I’m venting really.

OP posts:
crispysausagerolls · 27/05/2020 20:15

YANBU I posted a similar thread yesterday!

Bargebill19 · 27/05/2020 20:18

You are not alone in your thinking.

LisaSimpsonsbff · 27/05/2020 20:20

Your memory of how well-behaved you were as a child isn't reliable evidence. If you ask your neighbours' children a) whether they get to do whatever they like b) whether their parents tell them to be quieter and more considerate and c) whether they feel hard done to because of this I will bet you £20 that they say a) no b) yes c) ohmigod yeah it's so unfair. Because children and teenagers remember being told off and perceived injustice and they don't know when they're annoying others so assume they aren't.

I promise you those girls will grow up to be mothers trying to get their toddler to sleep and saying 'god, is no one considerate any more! When I was a child...'

EmeraldShamrock · 27/05/2020 20:23

These bright evening's are the worst.
Most people are considerate I don't allow my DC DC out until 10am and wouldn't allow them sheik all day, they're noisy enough without adding thumps and screaming too.

islandislandisland · 27/05/2020 20:28

YANBU. One neighbour, early 60s, lovely friendly lady, blares Bryan Adams from her conservatory at least every other day-she is also well aware we are trying to work from home. Other side, pleasant, chatty, lets her kids dad park 3 inches from my bumper on our shared drive blocking me in. I find it so odd such otherwise nice people just don't think. Like you I was brought up to play quietly and considerately, as a consequence as an adult I worry if I have a BBQ that I'm disturbing others and wouldn't dream of playing garden music. Not so for any of my neighbours.

WhatExit · 27/05/2020 20:31

Literally every generation thinks this way.

What I don’t understand is why you wouldn’t politely approach your neighbor and mention that it is hard for your toddler to sleep, and ask if they can agree to keep it down at certain times. In typical MN fashion you’d prefer to stew about it and bemoan the loss of civility in the world.

catfeets · 27/05/2020 20:47

I'm completely with you on this. I was not allowed to be loud as a child - it's really not necessary. All that came out of me being made to be quiet is that I'm a respectful adult.
My neighbour is a pain in the arse - kids screaming ridiculously loudly yet she had the cheek to complain she heard my baby cry the other day because I opened the window. How she managed to hear it over the pumping dance music coming from her garden, god only knows. The kids are allowed to kick their ball against the house and windows despite us living at the side of a park with an area for ball games. There is no limit to the noise they are allowed to make.
I wouldn't dream of making the sort of noise they do - they've come home while I've been writing this and the wall is shaking from their dogs bouncing against it and kids running round. It's a nightmare.

OwlBeThere · 27/05/2020 20:50

If you don’t mention it, how are they to know it’s an issue?? People aren’t psychic

lljkk · 27/05/2020 22:31

the entire Lockdown thing is about putting others first; 80% of us won't get severely ill from covid. yabu

LumaLou · 27/05/2020 22:43

OP, what you describe might be an old fashioned parenting strategy, rather than solely about having consideration for others.

I’ve noticed on a few occasions when on a bus/train that grandparents will tell their grandchildren to behave/stay quiet/sit down because ‘ that lady’ is watching, or because of “passengers”, when really they probably just wanted a bit of p and q themselves.

Do you think it could be possible that it was actually your dad who wanted some peace and quiet?

PolkaDotsPolka · 27/05/2020 22:53

I don't think it's a "past" thing - it's just some people are just selfish. My neighbours are a good 20 years older than us and spend all their time blaring their stereo out for all to hear. I don't imagine they were any less selfish when they were younger...

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