Toddler Downstairs - 5:30am Wake Up Time

[missylondon]

Hi all,

I really need some help. As I write this, I am once again sleep deprived.

For background; I live in North London - in a terrace house. I live on the top two floors and there is a family downstairs below. They have a 17/18 month old. Throughout lockdown he's become more confident in walking/running, which is great.

He goes to bed at around 7:30pm and wakes up at 5:30am. From around 6:00am he runs up and down the length of the property. He used to have a car (that he would fit in) and pretend to 'drive' (the parents would push him) - but then as he became more confident walking/running; he would use the car to balance alongside and then push/run with it down the hallway. There is a step down/up in their hallway - and obviously he doesn't understand that the car cannot be pushed/rolled over the step - nor is he strong enough to lift the car up the step. This creates an almighty bang/vibration throughout the house that wakes me up every morning - and then continues to happen for most of the day. (I'm surprised it is THAT entertaining for him!) What I don't understand is that - it is SO loud up here; so surely it would be 100x louder for the parents downstairs?! I'm shocked they are so immune to it.

He now has a scooter that he rides in the house too. Not one of those 'micro scooters' - an even more 'baby' version of a scooter.

How do I know all of the above? This is because I've asked what the noise is/where it come from. In fairness; there was no aggressiveness from them as I asked politely - but they simply laughed it off more than anything else. I asked again if they could keep the noise down a little even for a little while - especially as it starts from 6:00am... nothing has changed so far.

I understand that most people find upstairs neighbours irritating, but in their words, I am 'quiet as a mouse'. I live alone, I don't people over (obviously more so given the climate we are in) don't play any music etc... and when I do; it is via headphones. I work as a research scientist and am currently working crazy hours (from home) alongside our colleagues worldwide. (Some of my colleagues are on PST so that's -8 hours from GMT - hence why I sometimes have late nights).

They have a garden, albeit a small one, but I think they believe that because they are on the ground floor, that sound doesn't travel 'up'. Newsflash; it does. I've asked again if they could kindly put down some rugs, but nothing has changed.

Don't get me wrong; I don't think it's fair to expect TOTAL silence. That would be unreasonable on my part. In fact; I quite like hearing the toddler in the garden/playing etc... however; to make SUCH a racket - and a constant one from 6:00am onwards is a bit much. Even him running throughout the house is actually louder than his parents' own footsteps! I can also hear him jumping on/off the sofa all day as well as crying/screaming. I don't know how to approach it (once again) without sounding like I'm pestering them.

Please help!

I think it would be reasonable to ask if they dont give him the scooter until 8am

@Washyourhandsyoufilthyanimal

You having a child means you obviously have to deal with unreasonable waking times.

Why should the OP?

It's an unreasonable amount of noise they're letting him make IMO. They could put the car and scooter out of reach, or hide it for the mornings and let him play with it later in the day.

People have been at me on here before when I said I don't police my kids' play for (normal) noise even though we live in a flat, but even I wouldn't let them do that, it's antisocial, and a one year old doesn't miss what's not there, their attention is just taken with whatever they can find.

I’m was simply saying working late sometimes isn’t sleep deprivation I was giving an example of sleep deprivation. Unless she works all night and all day every day working late sometimes isn’t sleep deprivation.

I have a 14 month old who has recently decided on a 5.30am start time - I feel sleep deprived! We’re doing everything we can with naps/bedtime to try to get her to sleep later but when she is UP at that time, we take her into our bed and attempt cosleep until 7. Get very little sleep generally but she is quiet while feeding. I know an older toddler is different but just agreeing that that is a bloody early start day after day (and I’m not doing complicated work at different times of the day and go to bed pretty early!)

I would go round and say (nicely) that you've tried white noise, earphones etc but it isn’t helping, explain the (important!) work you do and that you don’t mind the noise later in the day, but if they could keep the bangy toys locked away in the morning/try some screen time it would really help.

Good luck!

I’m was simply saying working late sometimes isn’t sleep deprivation I was giving an example of sleep deprivation. Unless she works all night and all day every day working late sometimes isn’t sleep deprivation

It’s not sleep deprivation to you, maybe. To OP, who is not used to having disturbed sleep, it is. I’m sure a junior doctor would listen to how much sleep you get and think you aren’t sleep deprived!

I think as someone suggested, any loud noises before 8 am is unreasonable! I would have another chat. They are being unreasonable allowing that level of noise so early in the morning.

We live in a terraced house. I thought taking the toddler out at 6am so as not to disturb the neighbours is a rite of passage for parents.

@crispysausagerolls I agree another good example of sleep deprivation.

I don't know what to suggest but my 4 year old sounds like a herd of elephants upstairs. My DH (6ft, 18st fire fighter) can walk from one end to the other upstairs without a sound. I don't know how she does it.

Could you ask one of them to come upstairs and listen while he scoots down the hallway? If they don't understand, maybe they will if they heard it?

'It' being the noise not the child 😂

I'd raise it with the management committee of the blocks, they should have sound proofed stuff down and the noise is bothering you. The lease should deal with noise (and times when there should be no excessive noise.

What time is his nap op? We were in bits recently and had some help from a sleep consultant for a 5/5:30 am wake up. Very happy to share with you what worked for us if it would be useful. He wakes up 6 minimum now, usually 7 or 7:30!

OP I’d suggest being a bit less quiet.

If they can’t hear you they possibly think you’re exaggerating when you’ve asked/complained about the noise from the toddler.

So be a bit more energetic at night when your working late, make sure your alarm is turned up when it’s going to go off in the morning, play some more music, do an at home work out during afternoon nap

I’m not saying be a total dick, but if they can’t hear you they won’t believe you can hear them.

Much easier to bargain with them about not letting their toddler screech down the hallway at 5.30am when you can volunteer not to play music at 9.00pm anymore.

It is unreasonable of them to let the toddler play with noisy toys that early. Speak to them and suggest a 7.30/8am start for noise - builders aren't allowed to crash and bang until 8am! I would say that the noise of the scooter is very loud upstairs and you need them to come up with an alternative early morning routine (that gives your POV without telling them what to do instead - not a good idea to criticise someone's parenting skills!). Good luck, be firm and compassionate but clear as to what the outcome must be. Approach it like a performance assessment review but with a tad more sympathy.

Just ask them again and if they dont do anything start playing some heavy metal above his bedroom at 10pm until they get the message and start cooperating.