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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just keep quiet coz he gets away with everything?

23 replies

Imawimp · 27/05/2020 01:52

Exh lives with gf and her 2 kids. In her house which they have extended since he went on the mortgage. 4 bed house, jacuzzi, 3 cars, foreign holidays etc.
I'm in a 3 bed council house with 5 dc, still paying off debt he took on my name. I get £31 pw cma (he's self employed).
I figured, let it go, karma etc. Our kids are old enough to realise I'm not at fault for 2nd hand uniform, no holidays....
However, it's been brought to my attention that he may be dealing. Something he did before we got together. Apparently his gf has no clue and it's not common knowledge. I've been bad mouthed so much and my Ds14 particularly adores his dad do I just want to stay quiet and wait. Aibu?

OP posts:
ConstanceSalinger · 27/05/2020 02:05

Report. Don't wait for drug dealers to kick your door in because they think he lives with you. Or for them to target your children because they're his.

Life as the relative of a drug dealer is rarely peaceful.

You have a 14 year old, how much will they see normalised at his house?

piperm · 27/05/2020 02:24

REPORT, don't hesitate because in the end ur doing what's safest for u ur family and ur ex's girls family

Fedhimtotigers · 27/05/2020 02:28

Something he did before we got together

So you knowingly had 5 children with a drug dealer.

Wow.

webiwoo · 27/05/2020 02:35

I wouldnt say anything. If its not commom knowlege then it could come back that it was you who reported him. Karma will get him, it always does.

MrsTerryPratchett · 27/05/2020 02:42

Little bit of weed of weed or shit loads of coke?

FortunesFave · 27/05/2020 03:50

FedHim Where does she say that?

Oh that's right...she DOESN'T SAY THAT.

She may have found out once she was involved with him and already had children.

AlwaysAnEmptySpace · 27/05/2020 03:57

If you’re sure it’s true and your kids see him then yes I’d report him as I wouldn’t want him doing that around my children. They may be at risk.

KatherineJaneway · 27/05/2020 04:05

Do you have solid proof or just hearsay?

piperm · 27/05/2020 04:27

@Fedhimtotigers @FortunesFave
I think fortunes is right, my mother got together with my father, had me then found out he did crystal meth and left him. Sometimes they can hide it well until they can't

Wagamamas · 27/05/2020 04:29

More details on what you mean by:

"it's been brought to my attention that he may be dealing. Something he did before we got together"

Regardless of your feelings about his lifestyle and motivation for reporting him, if you know he is involved in crime you have a duty to report it. You can give an anonymous tip off and be careful that he doesn't find out you reported him.

theThreeofWeevils · 27/05/2020 04:42

you have a duty to report it
Except in certain circumstances which don't apply here, that simply is not true.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 27/05/2020 04:46

TBH, I would report him because of your children.

Who knows what might happen, if a deal goes bad? If they know who his kids are, they could come round and hold them hostage - it could be at his GF's house, but your kids might be there too.

Sounds dramatic? Happened to a friend of mine, not drugs, but business involvement with Big Bad criminals - they literally tied her and her kids up in the garage and waited for him to come home, where he managed to sweet talk his way out of it. She then kicked him out and has had PTSD since.

So yes, report him - keep your kids safe.

bumbleb33s · 27/05/2020 05:44

I agree with pp

What I also don’t get is how he’s only paying £31 a week cma? That’s not right, not even for one child, never mind 5

makingmammaries · 27/05/2020 07:03

Exactly. What a scumbag, giving just £6 per week per child.

I would probably report, but how reliable is your information?

overnightangel · 27/05/2020 07:31

Depends what you know? Is it hearsay ? Firm evidence?

pinkyredrose · 27/05/2020 07:34

Dealing what? Who told you and are they reliable? I'd keep your nose out i think.

Tableclothing · 27/05/2020 07:36

OP it sounds like the only evidence you have is gossip.

What level of dealing do you believe he's doing? Would your dc be better off if their dad was in jail?

twilightermummy · 27/05/2020 07:59

Drug dealers are the scum of the earth which, is obviously fitting after the way he has treated you. Report him.

ScarletFever · 27/05/2020 08:06

Do you have actual evidence or just hearsay? I'm a full on believer in reporting, but theres no point if you dont have proof

FeelingTheBurn · 27/05/2020 08:07

You need to be sure of your facts before you act.
Who told you? For what purpose? What evidence did they see/hear?
"drug dealing" can range from full scale production of heroin to passing a joint to a friend.
Obviously if you have proof, do it anonymously. Crime Stoppers or something like that.

Footywife · 27/05/2020 08:34

Would you hesitate to report him if he killed someone? Because that's what drug dealers are doing.....killing people, albeit slowly.

Report him. These people need stopping.

AHippoNamedBooBooButt · 27/05/2020 08:34

It's easy for everyone to say report but... if he's arrested and sent to prison or loses his jobs, you will be losing £124 a month. Can you afford to do that? Especially since you have already said you struggle (second hand uniform, no holidays etc). I think it's not as black and white as pp's think.
If you can afford to loose that, then report.

Original poster
Imawimp · 27/05/2020 22:21

For context, it was a member of his family whom I have reason to disbelieve about most things but knowing his past its playing on my mind. The family member doesn't know about the past, he wasn't even born. I didn't 'knowingly' have children with an ex dealer, that came out later. And we're not talking anything hardcore.

OP posts:
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