To expect a bit of aftercare as a brand new mum?!

[QueenOfThePumpkins]

My lovely twins were born in mid February, a month early but generally well. They lost a bit too much weight to begin with and we had a week long stay in hospital.

Since lockdown, other than vaccinations we have had no input at all from health visitor, GP, or... Anyone. No idea what their accurate weights are, though I've had a go with the bathroom scales. I have a history of anxiety and depression and was always worried about PND, but thankfully I am feeling pretty happy just now and we are all coping well. Nobody at all has asked about my wellbeing. There is a health visitor helpline, but they were really unhelpful when I called for some feeding advice. I worry that if something was amiss then nobody would know, as I am so inexperienced and nobody else sees my babies other than DH.

Of course I feel very lucky to have had my babies before all the madness really started, but I really expected to at least have someone check up on us. My point is, I really worry for other new mums who aren't coping well, and all the babies that may be vulnerable and going under the radar. Is it just my area or is this happening all over?

It's not covid. I'm expecting my 5th child, my eldest is 12. I only had at home visits for my first child. Much less ante and post natal care for each subsequent pregnancy. I've barely seen a midwife this time despite being classed as high risk.

All 4 of my children needed tongue tie clipping after birth. Ive been told if this one needs it that it's no longer provided by my hospital. My midwife thought it was crazy too but had no suggestions for what to do.

@MissMooMoo I had my baby in December and we had weight concerns - same percentile drop. Please please do keep calling your GP, ask to speak to the head of the practice if you need to. My baby’s weight worked itself out when we supplemented her feed but I look back on pictures and although everyone told me she was fine it’s clear she wasn’t. Trust your gut and your instinct x

I’m afraid it’s not lockdown...when I had DS1 (now 7) I was sled why I was bringing him to be weighed every fortnight and the HV clearly thought I was mad when I explained that I couldn’t possibly just bring him in if he isn’t doing well as I had zero experience of babies (as did DH). There’s still an assumption that you’ve lots of local family all bringing up babies around you. So the help is rightly focused on the vulnerable leaving the (in my case) clueless to figure it out as they go along.

Good luck, I’m sure you’re doing a fab job!

Does TAMBA (twins and multiple births support charity) still exist? They may be able to provide support. Post natal care seems very hit and miss in the UK.

My little girl was born on 10th Feb and hasn't been weighed since 11 days old. Apart from vaccines we've had no contact at all. Nobody has asked about mental health following an emergency section and we've been left to figure it out. I go back to work next week so if the health visitor is in touch she'll need to speak to DH. Good luck OP. I'm a twin - great as you get older - and if TAMBA still exists it's worth a shot.

I'm really in two minds about this because I appreciate some people need more support, but at the same time, what do you really need? I mean that in the nicest possible way. You are trusted to seek help if you or the baby have any problems. That's part of being a parent, isn't it? Babies aren't so fragile they need to be constantly weighed, as for not knowing if anything is wrong or "being clueless", just use common sense. Is baby eating, growing, reaching milestones? Then they are fine. They aren't, or there is any other concerns? Call gp/hv and make an appointment. Now let the flaming begin!

I don't think as a species we are supposed to raise babies in isolation. This is a very unnatural situation and shit for first time mums. It's also harder for those without family support.

Obviously meant aren't

I’ve never really understood the whole health visitor thing. My home country (Western, socialized healthcare, rates better than NHS) just sends you home with some resources you can reach out too if needed and unless there’s a reason to be concerned babies are only weighed when you happen to be in for a check-up or anything else, it’s not a regular thing. There’s loads of help if you need it, probably because resources aren’t being wasted on sending people out to check in with people who don’t need a thing.

No we definitely aren't, and this is a shit situation. But some people seem to be feeling that if you don't have a hv come over all the time, your baby could easily be seriously ill without you realising, and I don't think that's the case.

All the warnings and guidelines can put a real sense of fear into new mums, at least it did for me.

I had a horrendous experience with my first child who was born a bit early, after a traumatic birth and low birth weight. She then wouldn't feed from me and despite that I was told by the HV for TEN days to keep trying to breastfeed which was against all my instincts as my baby was starving to death and screaming and crying. At 10 days they told me to go into hospital as she'd lost too much weight, they had come every other day to weigh her and never discussed returning to hospital with me. I told them to sod off and promptly gave my baby formula milk which she loved and we never looked back. It was a bloody awful start and I still feel guilty about it now.
You'll know if something is wrong, trust your instincts. All the centile stuff is online. (Although I wouldn't get hung up on this and guess twins have a different set of figures for some time?) I agree its rubbish not to be asked or approached though.
Try the number again and see if someone else is available if you wish to. What we found was that each midwife/HV told us different things which then made you wonder how much value the info could have.
Congratulations by the way.

Yanbu . Post natal care was awful when I had my dc's a decade ago. New mums aren't treated well at all in most cases.

At least in London it’s not CV-related. I had my DS 7 years ago prematurely and he had several life-threatening events in the first 6 weeks and then he was discharged to...nothing. I had to buy my own infant scales, pay for private breastfeeding support and eventually private paediatrician, speech therapy and OT.

Also had my baby mid February and had the same experience. Since lockdown all he's had is his vaccinations and there's been no other support whatsoever. I've had to resort to buying a set of baby scales so I can weigh him and found that phoning the health visitor for feeding advice was next to useless. Took 2 days to get back to me, wasn't the HV I'd seen before lockdown so she knew nothing about my son or his history so was as much use as a chocolate teapot. I had days where I longed to be back on the postnatal ward where the staff were amazing

Sadly it’s not lockdown, it’s pretty much normal. :/ Postnatal care in the U.K. is fairly abysmal sadly.

Very limited after care for me too age 3 and 6 now. My mum said when she had me she was in hospital for a week in a private room with midwives that helped her breast feed and ensured she got some sleep so when she left after a week she was in a much better position to care for me....it might be rose tinted glasses but it certainly sounds a lot better

You can buy baby scales that then convert into stand on scales when they're older.
That would help you track the weight and what I did.
Tbh the hv service has been crap for a long time, with the two extremes experienced by mothers, of either overzealous ones who worry the mother witless or no involvement.

That's absolutely shocking! Hope you're ok

I had my DD is 2019 and other than one visit from the midwife, and two from the health visitor to check weight etc, we didn’t see anyone again after three weeks. I was surprised but checked with friends and this is apparently standard! I thought they might want to check after 8 or 12 weeks that your baby is fine, putting on weight etc, but nope, you’re on your own!

Quite scary for a first time mum!

I must be in the minority but the aftercare for all my babies has been fantastic in Lincolnshire - lots of great aftercare for all my 3 children (my youngest is one year). Never had an issue.
They do seem to weigh them less often recently - but I think because of the Covid there isn't the weighing groups that usually happen we used to go too.
X

@MissMooMoo vaccinations are still very important, please call your GP practice to book these.

Reading all these comments, it seems that sadly postnatal care is a bit of a postcode lottery and that shouldn't be the case. With my first DS (born in 2017), I had fab post-natal care (in NHS Tayside), 2 home midwife visits, 3 health visitor home visits and further support was there if needed (both with health visitor and lots of suggestions for breastfeeding support locally).
My only complaint was my own 6 week GP review, that was a bit of a waste of time and I've read that is the experience of lots of women unfortunately.
I really feel for new mums going through this now though, feeling unsupported, it's so hard. x

Congratulations on your twins. That sounds stressful.

If you are breastfeeding you can call the National breastfeeding helpline. There may be some infant feeding specialist who are doing online consultations. See if you have a local group that is running virtually.

www.breastfeedingnetwork.org.uk/contact-us/helplines/

Sorry if you are not breastfeeding. I think if your babies were not gaining weight then they will need more support.