Friend hitting on me

[Pers]

So since I've been a teenager, I've had various friends hit on me, the most recent a good friend of 15 years. This makes me feel quite upset, like my friendship is not enough and I'm more of a sex object or romantic interest. Does anyone else get offended if their friends try it on with them? People tell me I should be flattered but I feel like it's almost insulting.

The problem is this happens too often for me to be comfortable with. I'm not exactly smoking hot but this seems to happen fairly regularly, and I often feel like guys are just trying to fuck on me

Are you sure it's a sex thing and not just that they are looking for a serious relationship? Or do you only want to be proposotioned by someone you really like? And how does that work? People try to find partners in all kinds of ways. It's not wrong to like a friend.

DH was my friend as a teen and beginning of our twenties. We lost contact, met him again more than a decade later. Turns out he always was really into me. I suddenly liked him too. We're happily married now.

Some people start out as friends till they get to know each other better, and that's fine. It's not obligatory to meet and marry a total stranger. If you don't like him just say so. Don't overthink it.

I often feel like guys are just trying to fuck on me

Do you really mean as unpleasantly as that term implies - that men pretend to be friends but only want to get in your pants? That may be the case, but equally if they're single and you're single then there's also the angle that this is how relationships happen and how would they without anyone showing interest? Sometimes guys want to have sex with women who they're friends with and sometimes women are up for it and it's all fine between grown ups. It doesn't sound from your latest example like it's all about a fuck either if he's been into you for years. If guys are being creepy, don't be friends with them. Maybe I'm 'easy' (or was before settling down), but if a male friend was single and attractive, at some point I'd probably have considered testing the waters for more than friendship and I wouldn't have called that hitting on or fucking on or felt that it devalued my estimation of him.

How are you making these male friends ?

Are they actually peers?

By this I mean people on a similar career/study/life path who have similar goals and values AND are comparable levels of physical attractiveness to you.

I mean obviously none of us are supermodels, but after a certain age you know who regularly gets dates, attention, has been in reciprocated relationships?

Or just “men you slightly know who you’re in touch with”?

If this situation is occurring often it’s because there’s an imbalance - in terms of looks/age/class/the country you live in.

You represent something glamourous and desirable and therefore they ARE looking to pounce.

Obviously as women we’re not encouraged to big ourselves up or see ourselves as these sexual sirens. Plus seeing people in terms of leagues is tacky etc etc.

But.....for example. I’m about slightly above average attractiveness I’d say? That isn’t a brag, it’s just objective. Solid 6/7out of 10 , good body, meh face, I know how to dress.

So looking back in my 20’s, a lot of men who were desperate to be my friend were fairly alternative/geeky men in their 30’s. I don’t think they got a lot of female attention generally.

They’d do anything for me, invited me to events with their friends so they could “show me off”, that kind of thing. I probably found them easier company than women as they were “always available”?

However much I deluded myself that “looks don’t matter” (plus I don’t want be “shallow”) obviously THEY weren’t looking at me as a fellow human being but as someone physically attractive.

If your male friends tend to be guys who “aren’t that physically attractive and aren’t that desirable or at your level but would do anything for you” then I think deep down there’s this dynamic.