To not really understand my friend

[thehorsestail]

I'm a key worker, she's been furloughed.

She lives with her also furloughed teen daughter.

She keeps telling me she's bored and lonely.
We chat a few times a week. She suggested meeting up.

I suggested a socially distanced meet up on our local park on bank holiday Monday when I wasn't working. She seemed enthusiastic.

She blew me out Sunday afternoon because she said she had forgotten she had a bbq planned with her daughter. She's suggested another day (but she knows I'll be at work). She does keep talking as if everyone is sat at home all day and I do have to keep reminding her that I'm still really busy.

AIBU to think she could have a bbq any day with her daughter who she is spending time 24/7 with.

I realise there might be other issues such as anxiety and I've been fine and kind about it directly to her but actually I'm a bit miffed.

It may well be a case of certain foods needing using by a certain time. Since leaving 99% of the cooking to my partner, things have been badly planned and food has gone out of date.

But I'd go for some kind of anxiety here.

I'm at home bored stiff but I'm withdrawing from most things I was still doing remotely.

I thought that about the food too, but realistically she could still have had her bbq for two and met up with me for an hour?!

I think a lot of people have lost track of time and days. This endless stretch of days is really hard for a lot of people, as "time" is measured by routine activities. I am working from home and honestly, despite working still, I forget where I am in the week! For some people the new normal has become this unregimented and unregulated week that is the same every day, and often serves no real "purpose". I can understand why you might feel a bit peeved, but I think I'd cut her some slack on this occasion.

Maybe her daughter needed some mum time or some support and she felt guilty going back on her word to have a bbq? That's understandable isn't it? Being furloughed isn't a 24/7 party. People still need the odd special moment to liven things up. Presumably her daughter is being home schooled so they are probably having a working week of sorts. It is also easy to forget what other people's work situation is.

I wouldn't look for any deep reason behind this. She said she'd have a bbq with her daughter and double booked herself.

Now isn't the time to cast your insecurities on others. Please stop overthinking her reasons. We're all in this pandemic together and we're all struggling through it the best way we can.

I don't think you're being unreasonable. She could have the bbq any day, even the same day after the meet up. If it's an excuse she could have just been honest and said she didn't feel comfortable.

Maybe she's promised some time ago and forgot. It's easy to lose the notion of time when every day is the same.

Yes, I've not said anything negative.

Her daughter is a 19 year old who is also furloughed so doesn't need home schooling.

I suppose I can understand that the days just merge and there's no routine etc and it's hard to be motivated 🤷‍♀️