Aibu to think I'm a terrible mother?

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Aibu to think I'm a terrible mother?

My DS is nearly 5 months and I love him with all my heart. But I think I'm a terrible mother...

Context he was poorly when first born so I never got to hold him until he was around 12 hours old so I constantly worry we never bonded or had that skin to skin. He's a very high need baby with reflux too (on medication which is working well).

He's a beautiful baby and when he's happy he has the most perfect smile and I adore his little characteristics that are beginning to show. But I can't cope with his bad moments. When he cries I want to cry with him. He doesn't seem to enjoy anything that most babies do. He seems to always be crying and just generally irritated and mad.

Rveryone comments how he looks full of love when looking at his dad but nobody has ever said that to me.
I feel jealous of their relationship and how much more DS seems to love him. Which sound ridiculous when I say it but I can't help it.

I just know I'm a terrible mother and I feel like I'm not giving my son everything he needs to truly thrive. I worry he's going to grow up and not think he's loved or not have a good relationship with me. I worry everyone around me thinks I'm a bad mother and is saying so behind my back.

This lockdown has stopped me being able to do all the things I was so excited for when pregnant I.e family days out, swimming lessons, baby groups.

I really just want to be the best mum to my DS but I feel as tho I just can't be and everyday I'm getting myself so worked up about it all and worrying for him.

Sorry this is so long and I don't even think I've explained anything I wanted to.

Sounds like a touch of PND, will you talk to your GP?
It's normal to worry that you haven't bonded enough but at some point you will realise that you're very close. It gets easier as time goes by and they become more affectionate.

Those people who say he's looking at his Dad are being kind, it's well known that babies adore their Mum but I've noticed there's a bit of a push from everyone else to encourage that relationship between father and child, as though men don't bond on their own. They're not saying it about you because they don't think they have to.

You care and you love him and that's what makes a good Mum.

My baby is 17 months and only just starting to give the cuddles. You’re doing so well and obviously care so much! But I felt just as you’re describing and did have a touch of pnd. I’m sure you’re doing so well, and your baby doesn’t even know they are separate from you at this point really, but people say that to dads to keep them interested! As the previous poster said, please share this with your GP, and your partner. The early months are really tough and sometimes babies just cry, it’s ok, you’ll be ok too.

Thank you for your advice and taking the time to reply! I have been worried of PND but first steps ringing the GP. Thank you again x

OP I am sure you are doing everything right some babies are just possessed.

Some days when my 6month old is screaming and my toddler is being rediciously naughty I sit on the floor and cry and wonder where I went wrong.

Some suggestions, babies get bored (daft I know) so If baby is getting restless and noisy try walking around the house and sitting in another room for a while.

I also did tummy time at that age. Not for long just 5 minute spurts to help with movement. Babies want to be going places and get frustrated that they cant but they need to build up the core which tummy time helps.

Also at 10.30 on ceebeeies is a programme called baby club. You can join in with the singing and help baby to engage. They normally have something in the bag so if you can pause it and find the thing to join In.

Did you manage to meet any of the other parents at antenatal classes? If you can reach out to them. You could go for a socially distanced walk with the babies and chat.

I know it's hard but the fun interactive stuff is yet to come. I found my first didn't come into her own until about 18 months... and then they start to push boundaries.

Just show that baby your love. Give him cuddles and dont doubt yourself and being a lovely mum.

Remember at this age they just want to know you are close by, have food, sleep and a clean nappy.