Where were you career wise when you first got pregnant?

[cherrycat3]

I am fast approaching 30, and would like to have children in the future. I am aware of fertility, and I know people my age or younger who have had problems and had to go down the IVF route which makes me nervous.

But I just can't see myself being in a settled and stable career for a long time. I've had 3 jobs in the last 2 years, with changes due to redundancy and then hating my last job. My current job is currently unstable due to the pandemic so I may be unemployed again soon. And starting another job will put family plans on hold yet again as it's generally frowned upon to go on maternity leave too quickly. Even in my current job I know they would be very annoyed if I announced I was pregnant.

At what point are people 'ready' and when does it become socially acceptable to get pregnant after starting a job?

The main thing is the timing has to be right for you - not everyone else. It’s not your job to make your pregnancy as convenient as possible for other people.

That said - you’re in no rush! 30 means you still have many fertile years ahead of you, and if you would feel more confident waiting a couple of years until your job situation is more secure, you have time to do so.

FWIW I am currently pregnant with my first. 32 years old (about to turn 33). I have been in my job (which has a very clearly defined career path and is very stable) for 3 years. I could easily have started TTC any time in the last 2 years, but for me it felt right to wait until I was settled in my house and job and felt very secure.

Everyone’s decision on this will be different, so think about what is right for you - not anyone else.

I know it is difficult but try not to think too much about what other people and others will think of you. I very much shared your views and now at 40 view things differently.

Many people get permanent contracts then start ttc as soon as they have started. There is nothing wrong with this either.

I would draw the line at knowingly being pregnant and accepting a new job.

If you get pregnant in your notice period too- it happens and it's not ideal but people do have babies and they - employers- expect people of a certain age to have them and it recognise it doesn't always fit business needs.

One colleague said she went to tell the boss and the boss said they were on 'our list' expecting it and another said they class young women as high risk and newly married women as very high risk.

Go with when is right for you.

I agree about choosing the right time for you. I was 28 and had been in my job for a couple of years, but it was overseas where six weeks maternity leave was normal (you could add on holiday to make it a bit more). Companies weren't really "annoyed" because they knew that you wouldn't be away for long.

Hadn't even started. Working in a sales role, had thoughts about going to university but started family earlier than expected. Started uni when DD was 3 months old, really really hard going as on placements etc but had a fantastic support network and childminder.

It depends so many personal circumstances. At 30 I was in no way ready to have a baby. Aside from being single, I wanted to wait until I owed a house, had money in the bank and a life well lived. By the time I had a baby, I was married, late 30s & well into a highly paid career (director at an Investment Bank).
I'd travelled the world, was partied out and more than ready for a child.
That said, the reason we went for it when we did because I was conscious that my fertility might take a dip. Had I known it would be so quick, I'd have waited a few more years.

You have to sacrifice work really. We started TTC in 2017 and I'm now 32 weeks pregnant but it took us this long to get here. I've had two jobs in that time and applied for others to escape my current role in a toxic team. No time will ever be perfect, but as long as you can afford to take mat leave I think you just have to go for it.

There’s rarely a ‘right time’, rather a ‘we’ll cope’ time. That said, for me I wanted to ensure I had a stable income of my own with decent career progression, the same for my husband, a year of savings in the bank, and for us to be married. To be bluntly honest, I wanted to make sure I was self-sufficient for the long haul in case something awful happened to my husband. Bleak, but I’d rather plan for the worst and hope for the best!

We started trying and it’s taken us six long years to get to the point of me being pregnant. It’s been tough, unsurprisingly, but certainly the material things I wanted (financial stability, savings etc) have improved significantly, due to the passage of time.

Good luck with whatever you choose.

When I say sacrifice work, I mean be prepared to. It doesn't work for everyone to have everything perfectly lined up before having babies. I'm 28 now, and obviously had fertility issues given we started trying in 2017. I've been ready to be a Mum for ages. Married four years, in our 'forever' home. It would be better to be happier at work and in a more stable role but it wasn't fundamental.

Most people don’t have careers, they have jobs.

It's down to you really.
We started trying when I was 26 and was very lucky enough to get pregnant straight away. I was training at the time. Qualified 4 days before DS was born and got promoted whilst on maternity leave to be a lead nurse. Now 27 and not gone back to work yet as took a year maternity. But it's such a personal choice. I'd give up my career in a heartbeat for my DC though. Even to have another one when I'm ready

I got pregnant with DD four weeks after starting a new job. I didn’t return to that job after maternity leave and instead started uni when she was six months old. I’ve now just finished my second year. It’s worked out well for us in that we have a lot of family support which allows me to complete uni work, but DP and I have both decided we’re going to wait until I’ve graduated and gotten a job before we even consider TTC#2.

I was 6 months away from completing a 3 year apprenticeship!
Ds is now applying for the same apprenticeship and I still work in the same job.
Most people regret the things they didn't do. Not the things they did.

Head of department.

The ironic thing was it worked against me. My CEO was so pissed off at having to pay the pension and car allowance of a senior person on maternity leave that he fired me.
He paid out, the day before the tribunal but they now don’t have any female department heads.
The man is a prehistoric arse.

Just do it! I was ready in my last job and then moved, so waited. Then other things got in my way. I'm 42 with a 3.5 year old. She'd love a sibling but it's unlikely to happen. I shouldn't have left it so late

There's never a perfect time. Relationship security is more important than financial security IMO

9months away from the end of a temporary contract! That was the end of my career.

Realistically I knew it would be the case. It’s very hard to compete in the area I worked in, with short term contracts so no good time to get pregnant. I was working internationally until just before baby came so I didn’t even get statutory maternity pay. Such is life.

18 months after starting my “forever job”. Had a year off, went back part time. Had another year off not long after that for second child. Still part time and career going fine.

I was 33 and earned about £35k in a marketing role in London (non management). Before that I had been in a series of temp jobs and hadn't felt financially stable enough to have a child, even though my partner and I were ready.

I don't think anyone is ever 'ready' for a child and I couldn't give a flying fuck about when my employer/colleague/anyone else thinks it's 'socially acceptable' to have a child!

I had just graduated and was in my first FT job, very low paid (min wage for my age), fell pregnant about two months in. DC is now 2 and I still work there, in a slightly more senior role, on a slightly higher wage (real living wage hourly rate effectively), although I now work PT. We are probably going to TTC no.2 later this year.

I had just started my own business. No such thing as perfect timing.

I had finished law school, was married and half way through my legal trianing contract. I took 2 weeks of annual leave and went back full time so if you do it that way there is no loss of money and no career interruption and that worked well, had baby 2 two years later and did the same (although by then I was a qualified solicitor)_ and baby 3 similar too (twins later when working for myself).
22,24,26 and 36.

I had a big carer plan from age 14 which worked well so I graduated in law at 20 and qualified at a fairly young age. We also bought a house before baby no. 1 came too and had been married just over a year and both work full time in professional jobs.

I fell pregnant with my first before I’d even started, shortly after my interview. I had interviewed in mid-October, pregnant at the end of October and started in January. On Maternity leave 6 months later.

I wasn’t prepared to wait for children and my place of work only congratulated me. They were really lovely and supportive (thankfully).

I fell pregnant accidentally (careless with contraception in my youth) and I was at the "not quite entry level but not really any real responsibility 18k a year" stage. I was going to be an IFA, I'd started the exams and passed 2 of them. Having a child at that stage ended that career path as I just could not afford the exams or revision books and didn't have the time to study properly.

HOWEVER...

Taking a series of low paid but flexible office assistant jobs in different fields in the years since has meant that my CV is absolutely awesome and now both kids are at school I have landed a very lovely PMO job with a decent salary.

I've also had a chance to reflect on the working to live vs living to work debate. In my youth I was determined to be a CEO with fast cars, jet planes, etc. Now I am happy with a job that pays my mortgage and affords us a few treats but without having to work weekends or take my laptop in holiday.