AIBU to get cross when he laughs (derisively) when I cry at sad/happy things?

[IndigoHexagon]

I was watching ‘After Life’ a few days ago and got quite emotional at the last episode, and yes, I cried a bit.

I am not an excessive crier - I don’t cry at every sad thing I see or read, but like most people i do have certain things that will set me off. As I felt the emotion well up and threaten to set me off, I found myself hiding behind a pillow and pulling up my hoodie to hide my face. Why? Because my husband was in the room and knew he’s start laughing at me. I know it’s daft to get emotionally involved in stuff that isn’t real, but it’s starting to really bug me that I avoid showing emotion around him as it sort of spoils what I’m watching, and how i react to it, if that makes sense? I like being able to empathise and cry with characters on screen or on a page that I can relate to - it helps me vent, an express emotions I might otherwise keep bottled up. I see them as a release valve, an outlet and after all, we all know we feel better as after a good cry!

The thing is, my kids have started doing it to - and not in an sweet ‘aw mam you’re so soft way’ but in a way that makes me feel that they think I’m being silly. I think I’ve nipped it in the bud with them, and spoken to them
About how it’s good to let emotions out, and I’ve told my husband how it makes me feel when he does it too, and I hope it will sink in.

But now I’ve started thinking maybe I am too soft? Am I being stupid after all? Does anyone else feel this way?

It’s not a huge issue, but I’m bored and have been thinking about it today so thought I’d see what people here think!

Tell him to go fuck himself?

Your husband is a massive prick. That's all.

I cry readily at all sad (and happy things on telly). I don't try to hide it, I'm not ashamed. Consequently my family are used to it and don't bat an eyelid. My husband cries at Afterlife because it's so sweet/sad.
Your husband is teaching your children that a) showing emotion is wrong and b) the appropriate response to someone who is crying is to mock them.

I wouldn't be happy with this, it's knobbish.

No you aren't too soft from what you describe (full disclosure, I had a tear in my eye when Paddington nearly drowned in Pad 2) you are human with the ability to empathise with others experience. I would have a chat with your husband and tell him how you feel. I would also tell him you would prefer that your children weren't conditioned to think expressing emotion is a sigh of weakness or that they need to suppress their emotions to be approved of by dad.

Your DH sounds like a dickhead. I cry occasionally at emotional parts on TV/ in films etc and my DH things I'm a big softie, but would never laugh.

I understand about Paddington 2, @FOJN. I sobbed right at the end when he opened the door to Aunt Lucy

I'm a crier - happy, sad, angry, frustrated... My husband never mocks me for it because he's not an arsehole.

Your DH is sending a terrible message to your children - it's ok to mock people when they show their emotions. Not only will your children learn to take the piss out of others (horrible!) but they'll also learn to hide their own emotions from you, him and, in the future, their own partners.

You need to stand up to your DH and tell him to pack it in.

Your DH is massive knob head and he’s teaching your children that it’s fine to take the piss out of someone who’s crying or upset. My DH cry’s at anything sad and offer him a cuddle and call him a softy I wouldn’t dream of mocking him for it.

I've just sat and cried at Moana for about the tenth time. My OH never cries at anything but what he does do is pass me a loo roll and let's me get on with it. It's healthy and cathartic and is nothing to be sneered at.

He'd be getting a mouthful from me. And the example it is setting the children is really unhealthy and disrespectful too.

As I felt the emotion well up and threaten to set me off, I found myself hiding behind a pillow and pulling up my hoodie to hide my face.

In fairness, I think that pulling your hoodie up and hiding your face with a pillow to hide tears is ridiculous. Own the bloody tears and tell your husband to do one.

That is, assuming you are correct in presenting yourself as someone who isn't permanently in tears -- I've been around someone who cried very easily about news stories, TV programmes, books, and prided himself on his 'sensitivity', when in fact he was a crybaby who was incredibly tiresome to be around.

I’m a crier. Inside out when bing bong sacrificed himself made me ugly cry in the cinema. I wasn’t the only one either. Your husband is a dick. Mine always tells me how cute I am and that it’s sweet I feel sad or happy for the “imaginary” people. Sometimes I tear up over sad animal commercials too. I have never, not even once, screamed at the Sistine chapel though

You're not too soft. I was literally in pieces at that last episode of After Life. My dad died in a care home in December and because of subsequent events, including death of my grandma in February, then lock down, I haven't been able to deal with all the emotional issues. They are for now, on hold. After Life is so brilliantly written and acted you can't help by be drawn in by it. It's totally ok to cry at things that are intended to spark emotion in you. When you told your DH how it really makes you feel, how did he react?

@Wontonhope - I have never visited the Sistine chapel but I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t scream either 🤣

@Homescar I’m definitely not a crybaby - but I take your point, thanks.

I’ve cried at all the mentioned films too!

He never used to be like this - he would have a chuckle about how soft I am and pass the tissues - it’s only in the last year or so. I did think it might be frustration that I would watch things that I knew would make me cry.

My boys have always found it amusing - my eldest in particular will often show me videos on YouTube that he knows will set me off and time how long it takes me to well up - I’m hoping that their dads irritation at me hasn’t influenced how they respond to others showing emotion or indeed how they show it either.

To add ... when I say the kids find it amusing, I mean they aren’t embarrassed by me showing emotion or disturbed by it, or find it amusing in a way that is negative.

Oh gosh After Life - I don’t think there’s an episode that DIDN’T make me cry!

I’m a big softie like you too, and I think it’s good - it shows you have a big heart and a lot of empathy. Don’t let anyone change that.

Your H is being a prick and I hope your DCs have realised that it’s not on to mock you (or anyone) for showing emotion - what a terrible lesson for him to teach them.

Luckily my DP is almost as bad as I am in this respect so we both glance over at each other and see the other one blinking back the tears

Don’t ever be ashamed of having strong feelings. Programmes like After Life are clearly made to tug at the heart strings, and anyone who’s fully enjoyed it will have a cried a lot!

Oh and don’t ever watch Incendiary with your H in the room. I was an inconsolable mess watching that film!! In fact I can feel my throat tightening and my eyes welling up just thinking about it

I found myself hiding behind a pillow and pulling up my hoodie to hide my face.

You should certainly be allowed to cry in your own home, but "pulling up your hoodie" does make you sound about 13.

I cried at the end of Ghost recently and dh just looked at mi and grinned.Making you feel stupid is wrong.

It's definitely influenced by gender stereotypes. Men and boys conditioned to feel it's unacceptable to cry but that is is acceptable to tease, get angry, show off etc. I want to teach my son that it is entire acceptable for him to cry and also to talk about his feelings in a safe environment. Your partner has obviously taught your sons by example that they should ridicule you for expressing sadness openly. We can change gender based stereotypes by talking about these things even if it's a drop in the ocean. Go ahead and be open about your feelings, encouraging your family to be open about theirs. Be an example for your children so they can pass the lessons learned onto their own children x