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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To drive to Scotland from England?

35 replies

300piecejigsaw · 25/05/2020 13:15

Not really an AIBU as I intend to do it, more, WWYD

My dad is a widower in his 60s, not in best of health but it’s gone downhill recently, he spoke to his GP last week who said he needs various tests but due to restrictions he’s not sure when a hospital appointment will be made. My dad is so weak he hasn't been able to get out of bed, and in own words has had “ a few wee accidents with getting to the toilet”. For my dad to have even admitted that to me means things are really really bad.

I’m planning on sticking the kids in the car and driving four hours across the border and moving in with my dad for the foreseeable, he needs looking after, and frankly there is no one else but me he would accept that help from.

Would you? I’m pretty sure caring for someone is allowed within guidelines. So if stopped by the police and challenged I’m confident I am in the right. From a practical point of view we’ve been isolating diligently so I really think the risk we pose to my dad from COVID is negligible, and we would also isolate in his house.

OP posts:
derxa · 25/05/2020 13:18

That sounds urgent OP. You must go

GinDaddyRedux · 25/05/2020 13:19

I don't get this. You're going to do it anyway so why ask what someone else would do? Enjoy your time with your father.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 25/05/2020 13:21

Do it. If he needs care, he needs care.

KellyHall · 25/05/2020 13:23

Caring for the vulnerable is a legitimate reason to enter another person's home. I'd do it.

Wheresthebiffer2 · 25/05/2020 13:23

Remember Scotland is still in strict lockdown (until Thursday).

bellinisurge · 25/05/2020 13:24

No question. Do it. Especially as he admitted a problem he would never usually admit. He's not particularly old and he's f he's having difficulties and you can help him, do it.

DontStandSoCloseToMe · 25/05/2020 13:25

Caring for a vulnerable person has been an exception from the get go YANBU

Gingerkittykat · 25/05/2020 13:25

I would do it too, a lot of older people (not that your dad is particularly old) have been going downhill due to a lack of contact with people. He is a vulnerable person who needs some care right now so you are acting completely within the rules.

HollyBen · 25/05/2020 13:28

I would go. I think you have a valid reason to travel and you are planning on staying not going back and forwards between 2 households

GreyishDays · 25/05/2020 13:29

He needs care, so even in Scotland this would be fine.

Original poster
300piecejigsaw · 25/05/2020 13:33

Thanks everyone. As I said I plan to do it, I suppose I wanted to judge how aghast ( or not) people were likely to be in real life.

OP posts:
happytoday73 · 25/05/2020 13:33

He needs care. It's fine... Especially if you've been isolating and will do so when get there.
Do you have a cooler so can take food shopping with you so need to go out for supplies for a while?

derxa · 25/05/2020 13:35

I suppose I wanted to judge how aghast ( or not) people were likely to be in real life. Fuck them

Calyx72 · 25/05/2020 13:38

I am glad your dad has you to come and help. If he needs a commode or bedstick (handle at side of bed to help him transfer on/off bed) or any equipment do get in touch with the OT, Distract Nurse, physio at the nearest health centre Thanks

BelievinForAMiracle · 25/05/2020 13:39

Do it. No question. Load up the kids and car, stock up with food and good luck. Xx

TheTrollFairy · 25/05/2020 13:42

No question about it. I would be doing it and I don’t care what reception I would get from people about doing it. You said you’re low risk as you have been isolating and therefore not posing a risk to your dad.

feelingdizzy · 25/05/2020 13:44

Go, it's the right thing to do.Hope it all goes well .

TheRoyallingStones · 25/05/2020 13:45

Caring for someone vulnerable was always a permitted reason to travel.

Your dad is vulnerable so you should definitely go. You’re moving in with him to care for him, not having a jolly.

PollyEthel · 25/05/2020 13:47

A friend of mine did the same. She phoned the police for the area she was travelling to to let them know, and they said thanks very much, all sounds fine, crack on.

ineedaholidaynow · 25/05/2020 13:47

How old are your children?

Mrsjayy · 25/05/2020 13:51

Yes go even in Scotland that would be fine I read there was police in Borders regions but just say where you are going, your poor dad

Babdoc · 25/05/2020 13:55

I understand totally why you ate doing this, but aghast that his GP has not arranged care for a frail vulnerable old man unable to get to the toilet? Has your dad actually told his GP how ill he is?

Drama123 · 25/05/2020 13:59

I think this is urgent. Your dad needs care and it's not like you're coming and going between houses.
It's nice that your dad has someone to care for him. I hope it all goes ok for you all.

macaroniandpizza · 25/05/2020 14:05

What a shame for your dad it sounds like he must of been embarrassed telling you he had some accidents but he will have you to help him soon though. Good on you for going to stay with him and help him Flowers. Do what is right for you which is going to your dad. Sod what anyone else thinks

AriadnesFilament · 25/05/2020 14:19

Go. Who cares how aghast people will/would be in real life. It’s your dad and by the sounds of it he desperately needs you.