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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Natural family planning

41 replies

UnicornAndSparkles · 25/05/2020 10:23

Not sure where to put this in the topics, so apologies if it's in the wrong place!

Background: mid 30s, married, 1 DC aged 3. Open to having a second baby but in no rush.

Question: I've recently come off the degesterol pill as it was crushing my sex drive and making me feel mildly depressed. Wondering what to use as contraception as I've only ever been on the pill. Cant go on the combined pill for health reasons. DH can't use condoms. I'm not keep on having a coil or the injection or an implant as I've heard so many horror stories about each one. Also not keen on anything that could affect fertility or delay conception once I'm off it. Is "natural family planning" the answer? When I was TTC I tracked my cycles and had pretty regular 28 days, so presuming I get those back it should be fairly easy to do. And we are happy to not have sex during the 7 days before and 2 days after ovulation. Both agreed that if I did fall pregnant it would be a happy accident and we would likely be TTC at some point within the next couple of years anyway. AIBU? Should I try other forms of contraception? It seems sensible to want my cycles to come back to "normal" before TTC in the future?

Has anyone else tried this method of contraception?

OP posts:

Mucklowe · 25/05/2020 10:26

People will say it doesn't work but it can and it does. I used it successfully for over two years with DH before we started TTC.

Oysterbabe · 25/05/2020 10:26

Why can't your DH use condoms?
I think it's a shame to avoid sex at the time of the month when you feel most up for it.

Oysterbabe · 25/05/2020 10:27

You're mid 30s. Have another baby now then DH can have the snip.

NaturalCleaningParticles · 25/05/2020 10:27

I did it. One of my children was concieved about 8 months or so into using it. If you're not bothered whether you get pregnant or not then it's ok, but otherwise would not recommend.

Lucked · 25/05/2020 10:29

My sex drive is lead by my cycle so for me it would seem odd to come off the pill to get my sex drive back and then not have sex when i most wanted it.

ByGrabtharsHammerWhatASavings · 25/05/2020 10:30

I have 2 friends who did this. 1 used NFP for 4 years with her dp and never had so much as a scare. The other was pregnant within 6 months of starting it. Buuuut the 1st friend was in a relationship with a man who worked away a lot and seemed fairly reluctant about their future (and indeed they've broken up now). The second was happily married and a committed Catholic who wanted a big family. So I suspect their levels of commitment to using NFP correctly may have been different.

Everydayimhuffling · 25/05/2020 10:33

I got pregnant with my second trying to use that, so definitely can't recommend it! I will be getting an implant after this one's born!

ElectricTonight · 25/05/2020 10:35

Well I was doing that had pretty regular cycles, didn't have sex in my fertile window according to the flo app and one month I must have O very very early and now I'm pregnant it's ok I'm happy because we was planning to ttc the month after anyway, just skipped the trying part!

PicsInRed · 25/05/2020 10:36

DH can't use condoms

Why?

fedupandlookingforchange · 25/05/2020 10:43

Well we were using this method during non fertile times and condoms during fertile times. I'm 29 weeks pregnant but DS is nearly 3 so the spacing is ok. If we don't want a third more drastic measures will have to be taken.

Elieza · 25/05/2020 10:43

As above what’s wrong that DH can’t use condoms? Inclined to think he’s at it

Lockheart · 25/05/2020 10:49

Although there are some men that do struggle to use condoms, generally most men can wear condoms, you just need to find the brand / size which works for you rather than just grabbing any old pack of durex off the shelf at Boots.

If you're flexible with when you have your next child and you're both on board with the risks then trying natural family planning wouldn't be the end of the world. However if either of you is even a little unsure then you need to use a more reliable form of contraception.

LavenderLotus · 25/05/2020 10:49

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request

Original poster

UnicornAndSparkles · 25/05/2020 10:50

Thanks for the comments thus far, really useful.

DH has decided to get the snip when we are 100% sure our family is complete, but that's not now. He is alergic to latex and had a life-threatening reaction to them and so is understandably reluctant to use anything resembling one. Unfortunate but understandable in the circumstances and not something I'm willing to push him into doing when there are other options. He's not shirking his responsibilities (see above RE the snip) or "at it"

OP posts:

Ughmaybenot · 25/05/2020 10:54

If you don’t mind getting pregnant, then sure go for it.
Two of my friends have babies having used this ‘contraception method’

chocolatebuttons1 · 25/05/2020 10:55

I have been using the rhythm and pull out method since I was in my early 20s. I have always had regular cycles between 25-30 days so he wouldn't ejaculate inside me from day 7 until around day 20 to be safe. I've never had an accidents but you need to be sure if using pull out that he has the self control and awareness to do it properly.

I should also add that while this is worked for me I don't know if me or partner have fertility problems as I've never actively TTC.

chocolatebuttons1 · 25/05/2020 10:58

You also need to know your own body very well. I've always known when I am ovulating due to ovulation pain and various other signs .

Nanny0gg · 25/05/2020 10:59

Surely there are non-latex condoms out there for just such circumstances?

PicsInRed · 25/05/2020 11:02

There are latex free condoms.

Were you with him when he had this life threatening reaction? Has he always refused condoms with you?

2catsandatoddler · 25/05/2020 11:02

Have 1 DD who is 2, she was planned and me and DH have been using NFP for over two years with not even the slightest scare. My DH is the same as you OP, horrifically allergic to latex and hormonal contraception kills my sex drive and makes me very depressed. We're the same as you in that we wouldn't mind if we got pregnant so this method works for us. I think if you're the same and pregnancy isn't a worry then go for it. You've got to make sure you're very aware of your cycle, I recommend downloading an app like Flo to keep track.

PicsInRed · 25/05/2020 11:03

Would you be willing for him to have the vasectomy now or are you hoping for another child?

Justmemyself · 25/05/2020 11:06

I did it very successfully for years using the symptothermo method and have 2 planned children who were conceived quickly. I'd recommend reading taking charge of your fertility by Toni Weschler.

I manually paper charted as I didn't trust the apps though.

Panda368 · 25/05/2020 11:07

It does work if you're motivated and consistent. We are currently using - mostly because I haven't got round to thinking about the alternative options since I had our first 18months ago.

Before conceiving I was successfully using an app called Kindara to track temp and cervical fluid to avoid getting pregnant. We used condoms or withdrawal during the riskier times around ovulation (depending on how risky it was) no issues for 2 years and when we decided to "stop avoiding" I was shocked to be pregnant within 2 months - we had both assumed it would take ages as surely the app wasnt that effective and I worked away in the week!

But no we were surprisingly fertile and were using the app pretty effectively.

I tried out that natural cycles app but really didn't rate it - I also know someone who used it to avoid and had a "surprise" about 3 months later.

No 2 is a possibility for us at some point but very much not on the cards right now so we are currently being extra careful.

CrotchetyQuaver · 25/05/2020 11:07

I'd look at the Cap, I struggled with hormonal contraception and this worked for me. They're considered very old fashioned these days, but I think they're your only non hormonal option. Get one fitted properly by a trained person rather than off the internet though!

Justmemyself · 25/05/2020 11:08

Btw there are also plenty latex free condoms. Skyns springs to mind.

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