To find my family stifling

6 replies

merrygoround51 · 24/05/2020 09:10

I really struggle with being stifled by my family. They are very reliant on me and I have taken on a sort of ‘mother’ role to my brothers. In one way this is lovely, but in another way I find it overwhelming particularly as I have children of my own. To put it in context one brother has a mental illness and lives alone so even in lockdown he was visiting my garden 3 times a week, mother lives alone so I need to pop up to her 4 / 5 times a week and other brother , now restrictions are easing, wants to meet for weekly chats in the park.
I know I am lucky to have close family but does anyone else ever feel a teensy bit overwhelmed by all this family !

OP posts:

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 24/05/2020 09:18

Well you said yourself youve taken on the role, so the only person who can change the situation is you. But yes that level of contact would stifle me.

FOJN · 24/05/2020 09:23

Do they support each other or are you the hub from which all family support is dispensed? If so why?

Original poster

merrygoround51 · 24/05/2020 09:38

I am the hub, it’s complicated. Mother is difficult etc

OP posts:

FOJN · 24/05/2020 09:59

Your mother is an adult so if her behaviour is difficult to the extent that it causes problems with other family members then they need to sort that out between themselves. I'm sure you do feel overwhelmed at times but I wonder if you are unwilling to relinquish your role as the hub? I think you have to learn to say no and put some boundaries in place or accept that you are facilitating the situation as it is.

66redballons · 24/05/2020 10:04

Match make your brothers to meet and chat, just say honestly that you are short on time.
Your mother is not your responsibility. Let her use some initiative.

AnnaMagnani · 24/05/2020 10:08

Think about what you can change - you aren't their mother.

DB1 has a mental illness - does DB2 do anything to help? Are you supporting him or enabling him to stay the same?

DM - yes she lives alone but what are all these visits for? How frail is she? Are there other services that could do the visits/could some of them be face time?

DB2 - is apparently a fully independent and healthy adult. Decide how much you want to catch up with him and do it. You have a busy life.

Flip