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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Random chat with long lost dad

31 replies

Fatboysmudge · 23/05/2020 02:47

Tonight I was having a video chat with my other half, we don't do it often and we set it up as a date night & had a few beers.. It's lovely, he's lovely lol
After about 3 pints of cider (mixed with bud light) I had the 'brilliant' idea to phone my dad! Beer ettc lol.. I have a broken relationship with my dad, and it breaks my heart, it's been about 2 years now 😕
Aynhow, my aibu is concerning my fella.. He was really upset that I was using our time together to speak to another family member.. One that I miss because of a fractured relationship, long story..... 😭

OP posts:
Original poster
Fatboysmudge · 23/05/2020 02:50

Aibu to want to speak to a long lost family member
My other half is sheilding because of critical health problems

OP posts:
beebeeduck · 23/05/2020 02:51

Tough, he needs to get a grip and grow up.

Original poster
Fatboysmudge · 23/05/2020 02:52

That's what I thought

OP posts:
Euclid · 23/05/2020 02:54

Your "fella" is not a family member unti he proposes to you and marries you.

You did not clarify whether or not you actually spoke to your Dad and if it helped
you to do so the fella should recognise that.

Original poster
Fatboysmudge · 23/05/2020 02:58

Oh right, I yes had a lovely chat with my dad. The poor sod ended up crying because he misses me and my son 😭 I'm so glad we had the chat tonight, I love him so much 😭
I will be showing this to my fella

OP posts:
Euclid · 23/05/2020 03:03

That is great that you had a lovely chat with your Dad. Forget the fella. I assume from the context that this selfish fella is not the father of your son. A good decent father was there when any of us was born. A fella was not.

Original poster
Fatboysmudge · 23/05/2020 03:04

We have been engaged for a couple of years

OP posts:
lyralalala · 23/05/2020 03:07

I think it’s lovely that you have reconnected with your dad. On the other side though of your fella is shielding and lonely and had been looking forward to your date night it was a bit of a shame for him that you decided to get on the phone to someone else.

Why not redo the date night another night?

Original poster
Fatboysmudge · 23/05/2020 03:08

Thanks Euclid xx
I shall point out that I've been 'adopted' by his family as I had to leave my toxic lot.. But seriously, how can you get upset with someone genuinely wanting to speak to her long lost dad?

OP posts:
lyralalala · 23/05/2020 03:08

If you video chatted with your fella every night I’d have said the opposite btw, but you said you don’t do it often so combined with his shielding is why o answered how I did

Original poster
Fatboysmudge · 23/05/2020 03:11

I hope we can do that Iryalala
I love your username. How did it come about 🤣

OP posts:
Euclid · 23/05/2020 03:12

Sorry to sound cruel but my husband and I were married a few months after we were engaged. The hanging on for ever makes no sense. I hasten to add that my husband died suddenly fifteen years after we were married and I am now alone so I am not crowing. Be careful of a man who gets engaged and takes no steps to marry. I have unfortunately had girlfriends who had experience of this and were eventually dumped. Get the fella to commit to a date.

Original poster
Fatboysmudge · 23/05/2020 03:15

Euclid, it's me..

OP posts:
TheMaddHugger · 23/05/2020 04:02

Soo different to what I thought was going to be an awesome ghost story....

Glad you had a good chat with your Dad

Peridot1 · 23/05/2020 04:07

While I think it’s lovely you had a chat with your Dad I think it was a bit rude to do it while you were video chatting with someone else. No matter who it was. I’m not surprised he was annoyed.

Mummyoflittledragon · 23/05/2020 04:48

You seldom video chat with your fiancée and chose that exact time to contact your dad. I can understand why her was upset. Equally I can understand you needed him to be around you to support you in making this call.

This makes me wonder if he knows how to support you emotionally, doe he? And if not, would you be ok to remain with someone, who doesn’t! You say his family is lovely and has adopted you. That’s amazing. Take everything you can from them. However, you cannot stay with a man just because of his family.

Wagamamas · 23/05/2020 05:00

You should have called your dad sober and you waited 2 years it could have waited while you finish your chat with your fiancé.
It was a crazy drunk thing not a i need to speak to dad thing.

Wagamamas · 23/05/2020 05:18

Everybody is like oh great you had a nice chat with your dad when the favt is we dont know what led to the broken relation or 2 years no contact.. 2 years that her 'fella' been her fiancé and who no doubt heard a lot being said about her dad and family.
She put him and his family in the middle of her family problems so much that they 'adopted' her. Which makes me suspect there is a lot more to her partners reaction. He knew there will be more drama and trouble from reigniting the relation.

Yester · 23/05/2020 05:38

I would have been annoyed. Your dad could have waited for another day. Why do it just then?

TheHarryFormerlyKnownAsPrince · 23/05/2020 07:29

You were rude, dismissive and hurtful to your partner. YABU.

Sn0tnose · 23/05/2020 08:02

I think it’s lovely that you’ve reconnected with your dad but I can kind of understand where your fella is coming from.

You’ve been engaged for two years and you don’t want to live with him or set a date yet. You’ve chosen not to shield with him. You don’t often have video chats with him and yet, despite having all day and every day to phone your dad, you’ve chosen the limited time you’re actually seeing the man you’re supposed to be getting married to, to make a lengthy and emotional telephone call. I think he’s probably upset because you don’t sound like you’re putting building a life together and spending time with him very high up on your list of priorities. I think if you’d said ‘I want to speak to my dad tomorrow. Will you video chat with me while I do it?’ then he’d probably have been fine.

Is it circumstances that make progressing the engagement difficult? Or are you just reluctant to take the next step?

AlternativePerspective · 23/05/2020 08:11

You don’t talk to your partner often (why not?) he is shielding, and you chose the exact time you were talking to him to reconnect with someone else who you also do not talk to often.

I suspect the common denominator here is you.It appears you jump in and out of communication with people,you haven’t spoken to your dad for two years and your partner has possibly been understanding of that, but now that you’ve suddenly started to want to talk to him your partner realises that you pick up and drop people whenever it suits you.

I think YABU.

hardboiledeggs · 23/05/2020 08:32

If you decided to end your call to your BF early to call your Dad then I can see why he would be annoyed, especially as you don't do it often.

FrippEnos · 23/05/2020 08:35

YABU.

Isawamagpie · 23/05/2020 08:39

So in the middle of date night with your "lovely shielding bf" you hang up to speak to someone else (relationship to person not important)?

You are rude and V. Unreasonable

Your dad could have waited. You were on a date.
Its the equivalent of leaving a physical place in the middle of a date night meal out with bf?!