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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour+friends+toddlers+sheilders

54 replies

Boopboopbedo · 21/05/2020 16:57

Honestly don’t know if I need to get some perspective or not but I feel I haven’t been able to use my garden so far today because my NDN has had a friend over with her toddler to play with NDN toddler. They’re not big gardens with low fences and the children are running in and out of the paddling pool. They’re normally a nice, church going family who’ve observed lockdown as far as I can tell (haven’t been watching them all the time though obvs). Not the NDN’s little girls birthday. At the clap tonight I was going to ask about it as in the row of 4 houses, 3 have clinically vulnerable people (who also aren’t out in the garden). They mightn’t know this as they’ve only been here 2 years but if you don’t see them out and they have deliveries it’s a fair assumption. AIBU?

OP posts:
saraclara · 21/05/2020 17:43

And I’m afraid to say OP, if your shielding you shouldn’t even be using your garden, government guidelines advise you should open a window or sit on your front door step
That is not what the guidelines say.

Janleverton · 21/05/2020 17:43

Unless your gardens are minuscule, like 2m wide, there’s no reason why you can’t go outside? I don’t understand why you’d rather they were all enclosed inside, if your concern is viral spread. It’s certainly not your place to tell them off.

Pipandmum · 21/05/2020 17:44

Very unlikely to get it out in the air. But if the gardens are so small that you can't keep 2m away from someone in the next garden then it doesn't really matter who they have over - if you can't keep away from one then three isn't going to make much difference. But if you can socially distance from the front of your house why cant you from the back?

crazychemist · 21/05/2020 17:56

Um, just sit as far as you can to the other side of your garden if you’re worried? Is that at least 2m? The fact that there is a fence means that aerosol from sneezes etc at toddler height really aren’t very likely to get over the fence! Sunlight also kills most viruses relatively quickly.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 21/05/2020 18:10

That is not what the guidelines say.

It’s exactly what the official government guidelines say Hmm

www.gov.uk/government/publications/guidance-on-shielding-and-protecting-extremely-vulnerable-persons-from-covid-19/guidance-on-shielding-and-protecting-extremely-vulnerable-persons-from-covid-19

crazychemist · 21/05/2020 18:13

You could also wear a mask I your garden if you’re really concerned, but I think that would be overkill if you’re a decent distance from them and there’s a fence.

Iwantcakenow · 21/05/2020 18:20

Has lockdown for kid meet ups ended? Asking for a friend Grin

TorysSuckRevokeArticle50 · 21/05/2020 18:21

The guidance states " • try spending time with the windows open to let in the fresh air, arranging space to sit and see a nice view if possible, and get some natural sunlight or get out into any private space, keeping at least 2 metres away from your neighbours and household members at all times
"

If the garden is very narrow then it will be hard for the OP to maintain 2 meters distance feom NdN and the friends they are inviting round.

I think it is reasonable to have a polite chat and request that they agree a time when you are able to have access to your garden.

However, they know that they shouldn't have mates round, so I don't think pointing out that they're breaking the rules will help you.

Just say that you would really appreciate if between x and x they could stay in so you can have an hour in your garden.

saraclara · 21/05/2020 18:26

@HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend nowhere in that guidance does it say you can't go in your garden! Everyone I know who's shielding is using their gardens. It's their sanity, it's good for their health, and they need fresh air. The guidance about having your windows open is for when you're indoors! Not instead of being outside!

SleepingStandingUp · 21/05/2020 18:27

Op are you saying your gardens are so small they're less than 6ft wide and this naughty neighbours garden shares a boundary with all 3 of you?

Have you come out to find lots of children's toys come over?

Do you use your garden if your neighbour is out there with just her child, or do they not normally go in it?

TorysSuckRevokeArticle50 · 21/05/2020 18:31

@saraclara it does say that you can only use your garden if you can stay 2 meters away from your neighbours.

2020hello · 21/05/2020 18:33

My nanna had a shielding letter and she is not even allowed to leave her house to put rubbish in her bin.Confused

I think if your garden is bigger then 2m then you should be ok to sit at the other end, I'm not sure I'd bring it up as I wouldn't want a confrontation with my neighbours as we have to live near them.

Also I doubt your NDN will care about the other neighbours if shes not going anywhere near them.
Also she may be going round to other peoples houses in the day so I wouldn't even risk using your garden if they are in theirs especially if you are shielding.

saraclara · 21/05/2020 18:39

My nanna had a shielding letter and she is not even allowed to leave her house to put rubbish in her bin.

Unless she had a very different shielding letter from everyone else, she is absolutely allowed to leave her house to put rubbish in the bin.
Who exactly is telling her that she can't do that? Because it's not in the letter I've seen for someone who is in the most vulnerable category of all.

walkingchuckydoll · 21/05/2020 18:40

I think you need to measure your garden. It's probably wider that 6 feet.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 21/05/2020 18:42

@saraclara it does say that you can only use your garden if you can stay 2 meters away from your neighbours.

Exactly, I’m sure some people just make up the own “guidance” half the time.

Widowodiw · 21/05/2020 18:49

I’m laughing about your comment about church going - what the heck.

I think you have coronavirus anxiety- you don’t say you are vulnerable yourself? Have you been to the shops since lockdown? As more risk going to the shops I’d say where there are more people. If they want people over then it’s none of your business. Soon people will be able to have people
Over what your going to do, stay inside all day ?

saraclara · 21/05/2020 18:51

This is what you said @Haud
And I’m afraid to say OP, if your shielding you shouldn’t even be using your garden, government guidelines advise you should open a window or sit on your front door step

And this is what I said:
That is not what the guidelines say.

I was right. The guidelines do not say that the OP shouldn't be using her garden.

bloodyhellsbellsx · 21/05/2020 18:55

Stop being such a drama llama! There’s no need for you not to use your garden because your neighbour is in hers. Sick of all these curtain twitcher miss marples...I wonder how they will fill day their day once this is all over!

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 21/05/2020 18:57

It’s in context of this thread and I specifically mention the OP and you meaning her and Yes there Is different letters for different people depending on their illnesses, it’s not a one letter fits all Hmm

Just because you haven’t seen it does not mean it’s untrue or that she’s lying Hmm

saraclara · 21/05/2020 19:00

@2020hello

I hope this will reassure your grandma. The 'not being able to put your bins out' text that some people got was fake.

www.walesonline.co.uk/news/uk-news/people-reassured-can-go-garden-18061660

saraclara · 21/05/2020 19:03

This is the guidance for the MOST vulnerable from the above link:

The latest Government advice for the most vulnerable says you can: "...get out into any private space, keeping at least 2 metres away from your neighbours

No-one has a garden that a six foot person can't lie down in. So no-one is at risk from anyone in their neighbour's garden.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 21/05/2020 19:04

My sons letter explicitly states he cannot leave the home, I must be lying also thinking about it ConfusedHmm

saraclara · 21/05/2020 19:07

Your garden is classed as part of your home. The link explains that. I have quoted directly from it, above.

saraclara · 21/05/2020 19:11

C&Pd for you, @HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend

"Vulnerable people have been left afraid they have been banned from their gardens after receiving text messages seeming to suggest they should stay indoors.

Both the NHS and Public Health England say the messages did not come from them.

The messages sent directly to people in lockdown seem to offer advice on avoiding contracting the virus by staying indoors.

One concerned recipient said: "I've just received my 'at high risk' text message from the NHS. It states I can't leave the house to even sit in our garden. I can only have the windows open."

One reads: "NHS Coronavirus Service: You can open a window but do not go outside your property. Ask others to take rubbish to bins and walk any pets."

It goes on to say repeat prescriptions should be ordered online - and links to an NHS page.

Another reads: "NHS Coronavirus Service: We have identified that you're someone at risk of severe illness if you catch Coronavirus.

"Please remain at home for a minimum of 12 weeks."

It adds: "You can open a window but do not leave your home, and stay 3 steps away from others indoors.

It links to a Government page giving advice to the most vulnerable.

A spokesman for Public Health England said the messages wouldn't have come from them and said there could be a misunderstanding as 'your home does include any private outdoor space'.

A spokesman for the NHS said the message would not have come from them.

willsa · 21/05/2020 19:19

I don't go to church.
I'm breaking the lockdown now and again.
I used to be a prostitute.

It all makes sense now.