To wonder how to have it all (country living, city work, DC)

[Goostacean]

Lockdown has made me/us realise that our 3 bedroom garden-less flat actually IS big enough for me, DH and our two under-3s, although we’d been planning to move to a larger property locally when we find something suitable. I’m on mat leave, DH is WFH and it’s all been manageable. We live in NW London and normally commute 35-40mins each. Children are at/would be going to a local nursery - 10min bus ride or 20min walk, next to our closest tube stop.

However, the more I think about it, the more I would love a large garden, open plan living, enough bedrooms that the boys don’t have to share for us to have an office (currently DH works in the living room and works into the evening even when it’s not lockdown so I barely go in there for days on end). But it would be a faff to drive everywhere or have a long train commute. I’ll be going back to work and that will change our lifestyle a lot obviously. We’d also like access to the main London public schools in the future, which is more difficult and would be very tiring for the boys if we lived outside the M25, I guess.

Do you have a long commute and/or two parents working in a city centre (any city, not just London)? School age children? What do/did you prioritise? What do you (not) regret? The houses we could buy for the same budget are stunning. Rightmove is dangerous 😂

Sorry, I posted the wrong house above. Thisone is 4 bed and in the same (very pretty) cul-de-sac a stone’s throw from Hammersmith Bridge.

There are various other, wider houses too, I just like this style!

Also a photo of Barnes pond and the Saturday morning food market.

And I’m sure it does sound very humdrum, but it’s easier to have exciting plans and hobbies and achievements when the practical matters in life are taken care of, like appropriate housing and the best education your children can access.

I was going to second what PP said about Sheffield, I love living here and it gives you a great balance of city and rural areas.
However, on your budget you could probably buy up my entire street!

The choice isn’t rural or city. Somewhere like St Albans, Oxted, Sevenoaks, Reigate have reasonable commutes to the city a community with some stuff going on for teenagers but also some access to countryside and more space. They have good private schools. Depends on what you value more, city amenities or countryside or a compromise.

I would go for location, location, location and a smaller house every time OP.

My DC are 17, 15, 12 and 11. We toyed with the idea of moving out to the suburbs a few times, but now I’m sooo glad we never did. As they get older, they thrive on the variety London offers and particularly, the ability to negotiate the city independently. Friends who moved out say they have become the taxi of mum and commuting is the bane of their lives. DH cycles into town. Lots of commuter towns, on the surface if it, appear to be “only 20 mins” into Euston or Waterloo or whatever, but you are tied to train times; you can often never get a seat; there are constant delays; it’s expensive and everyone I know who does it says that commuting like this for years on end has put years in them and has sucked up so much time they could have been spending with their kids. Anywhere looks nice in summer, but London is a lot less dull and staid in the winter than the suburbs.

Only you know whether you could cope with a long commute. I think it sounds hellish and you'd end up in commuter surburbia.

I'd stay in London.

We moved out of London 21 years ago to somewhere too far away to commute in ,but we had a chance to do something very different so we work down here now. Absolutely don't regret it, but I love horses and dogs and the countryside. My teens love London and hopefully will have a time working there for a while.

If you can afford to get a decent house in a good area of London, why would you need to move out and add the tedium of a commute to your lives?

I personally wouldn't move to proper countryside. I would still want amenities on my door stop. I love St Albans but need to stay south.

It's sometimes about what you get for your money though. Our friends who have moved to Bristol have swapped this sort of thing

www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-68620845.html

for this types of property

www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-69150468.html

www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-77002813.html

likewise the ones who have gone to Surrey have swapped a flat for this sort of thing

www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-77002813.html

Don’t move. Or find an area with tube access that you could have something bigger space wise.
Are you a snob? Because my DH wouldn’t be seen anywhere near Acton but for that amount of money you can get something decent.
We moved to Surrey, near Woking. Massive massive house, with all the extras. So we exchanged our SW1 house for a 1 bed flat in Firzrovia-Marylebone and the place in Surrey and we thought we’d never look back.
My commute to Hammersmith was not bad but when I eventually ended up in City it was hell. Moved jobs, took a pay cut and worked closer to home but now DD is a teen we are always in London doing this or that and spend our weekends squashed up in a 1 bed.
In hindsight, I wouldn’t move out of London. I’d have found something bigger in Barnes, Richmond, Chiswick or Ealing and avoid the drive to London. We are thinking of moving back eventually.

With that budget you could get an amazing big house with huge garden in a leafy part of the outskirts of south east London. Petts Wood, Hayes, Chislehurst in zone 5/6 - all very green with countryside on your doorstep, but only 25 mins train to Central London.

I’d stay where you are and look into a cottage somewhere every-time you can do a long weekend etc. We found the more time at home you can get with them each day, the better and a longer commute directly impacts that.

Rural/gardens etc are great for early primary age, but as they get to older primary and teens the city will start to have more appeal.

Also, large suburban “des res” houses often have space around them (as is the appeal), but you don’t get to know people so well and it can feel a little soulless perhaps? Also, transport links aren’t great and this means teens can be always moaning and stomping round bored and then they want to see their friends you’re constantly ferrying them here and there. They don’t rely on you so much in London because one Saturday they’ll meet in Portobello, next week Kings Rd, next week Brick Lane, next week Soho, next week somewhere else. So they’re always funding new stuff to do and they do it on their own steam. It’s when they get to the teen years that they realise how lucky they are to have all this access, rather than just one town centre somewhere.

The other thing I would say, is that I have some friends who live in Berkshire and Hertfordshire and quite a lot of the preps in their areas are basically feeders for the local schools which are often flexi (or full) boarding set ups. I have two friends who would never have considered weekly boarding for their kids, as in it would never have even crossed their minds, yet that is where their kids have ended up because the preps kind of steer you in this direction and you get persuaded into paying the extra fees and a very different lifestyle.

I went to look at 2 houses in pretty commute villages - both families had dc about 11 who were moving into town to be closer to schools, the city, friends.

Bristol, Bath, Cardiff, Exeter are all cities where it's easy to live in a country environment near enough the city to cycle in.

I don't think long commutes and young children work well if you're both working. It's ok if one of you is working locally or very part time but I don't think it's practical otherwise. Season tickets are also very expensive and I would rather put that money towards a house in London.

I'd stay in London - just move slightly down the road and you'll be able to get a 4 bed house for that. I love being in London and my children (the older ones are teens) do too. I briefly moved out, and commuted, and honestly, the big house and garden didn't make up for the downside - the commute and being away from London.

Yeah... I think that’s the sense I’m getting, to be honest. That it’s best to stay in the city if you’re used to it and the commute is acceptable. Interesting- I wonder whether the dream is not a dream after all. I guess we could always rent our place out and rent somewhere in the countryside for a couple of years, to test the theory and have flexibility?

Lots of commuter towns, on the surface if it, appear to be “only 20 mins” into Euston or Waterloo or whatever, but you are tied to train times; you can often never get a seat; there are constant delays; it’s expensive and everyone I know who does it says that commuting like this for years on end has put years in them and has sucked up so much time they could have been spending with their kids.

I would add to this point: don’t forget the commute time within London on top of your initial journey. Lots of commuter towns have a very manageable journey into a London station, but if it’s the ‘wrong’ one for where you work, you could spend just as long negotiating various Tube lines after the initial journey.

In more general terms, you need to be very honest with yourselves about how much you really need extra space, as opposed to wanting it. The separate home office could be a conservatory, smaller second reception room or converted shed rather than an extra bedroom - all possibly budget-friendlier options. Country walks are lovely - but will you do them every week? Will the big garden that’s perfect for barbecues actually be more work than you can manage? Also, don’t make the mistake of thinking ‘I have a lot of stuff - therefore I need more space’. Less stuff may be a better and cheaper solution!

I commutes into a city for secondary school and hated it with a passion. I hated commuting in. I hated staying late for spirt or music so basically gave all teams and orchestra up. As I got older I hated living out of the city when others lived on night bus routes.
I’ve been absolutely put off commuting for life by it.

Two parents working ft with a long commute + young children + no family on hand to help out = a LOT of stress.

Trains can be infrequent and delayed (even more so than the tube), timings of trains can be incompatible with childcare options, transport options can be more limited once you’re further out and reliant on a particular train company/station/train time.

If you’ve grandparents on hand to help out (Covid permitting...) each time a train is delayed/missed or a child needs picking up early etc then it’s doable.

Otherwise you’ll need to spend time looking at which trains will realistically get you to the nursery for 6pm (and how early you’d need to leave work) before you look at houses.

Unless you know you’ll be wfh for good which would make it easier.