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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To keep wearing my wedding ring

18 replies

LinaLamonti · 20/05/2020 23:44

My husband and I very recently split up. It’s all very amicable and we have 2 children who we want to prioritise in all this.

We’re still living together and still wearing our rings. I’m wondering what your thoughts are about continuing to wear my ring at work. At least for the time being.

I don’t intend to tell any of my colleagues about the split for the foreseeable future.

I currently enjoy being able to chat away to my male colleagues with the security of my wedding ring. They know that I’m not going to be hitting on them because I’m married. I’m a very warm person and wouldn’t want any guys to get the wrong impression.

My question is, AIBU to continue to wear my ring to enable me to continue my good rapport with my colleagues?

I do want to meet someone new eventually but I really like the slow burn, friends first, attraction over a long period thing. So I don’t think a ring would preclude that.

I would appreciate people’s thoughts.

P.S. I think it might help to explain that I really don’t enjoy romantic attention from guys unless I fancy them too. It makes me feel very uncomfortable.

OP posts:

Sparklesocks · 20/05/2020 23:47

It sounds still all very raw I wouldn’t worry now about things like this at the moment, if you feel more comfortable wearing it then do - you don’t need to justify yourself to anyone.

OhMyGoodLord · 20/05/2020 23:47

I think you need to take a big deep breath before even thinking about new relationships etc. You say yourself your split is very recent.

I don't wear a wedding ring and I can assure you I don't get men hitting on me constantly.

Halo1234 · 20/05/2020 23:48

Yanbu. You arent hurting anyone. It's your choice to walk through this however u want to. Dont over think it. You seem very clear it's over. So its not giving yourself or your ex false hope. If u arent ready to tell work wear the ring. Take it off when u are ready.

Seren85 · 21/05/2020 00:19

If someone at work is going to hit on you or think you're hitting on them, let me assure you that they don't give a shit about a ring.

Original poster

LinaLamonti · 21/05/2020 00:23

Thank you. I’m not really so worried about being hit on. I just don’t want to get myself into any awkward situations whereby I have to tell someone that I’m not interested in them or if they act awkwardly around me because we’re of the opposite sex and I’m single. I suppose I just find it all really cringe worthy!

OP posts:

Original poster

LinaLamonti · 21/05/2020 00:24

Yes it’s all very new and raw. I’m in no hurry to meet anyone else. My children are my priority.

OP posts:

Yeahnahmum · 21/05/2020 00:27

Well. Depends how recent. Maybe? But also I feel like you shouldn't keep up appearances and pretend. Maybe it would be less painful to open op. Get some support. And not have to answer questions on how great your marriage is. Ouch. And men are not going to just jump on you when they see you have no ring.
If you are wearing your ring just to grieve a bit more and heal: yes. But to give yourself a forcefield for other men : no.

Sometimes it is a bit like a bandaide however and just do it quick. I don't know what I would do. But you are getting a divorce for a reason. Might be amicable. For now. Maybe for always. But you are terminating a marriage for a reason. And with that ending the symbolic 'we will be together forever' ring should probably go. Maybe on a necklace for now? Later in a drawer.

Good luck

Euclid · 21/05/2020 00:34

OP you are a bit too eager to meet somebody. My perfect husband died six years ago and I still wear the wedding ring that he put on my finger at our wedding twenty years before that. In my view a wedding ring is a sign of love, not a sign to ward off predators.

CoachBombay · 21/05/2020 00:41

Took me a year after a not so amicable ending to stop wearing mine.

One day I just woke up and looked at it and thought, no I don't want to wear you anymore, and that was that.

Take your time, be kind to yourself. Things will progress when you are ready.

user1473878824 · 21/05/2020 00:45

I feel very mean saying this but I’m not sure taking off your wedding ring means every colleague will then hit on you. It’s something I think you need to do when you’re ready but that’s not the reason why. I think when things are amicable it’s even harder to give up something so symbolic so do it when you feel ready.

Samtsirch · 21/05/2020 00:53

I think it’s entirely your own decision whether you continue to wear your wedding ring or not, and for how long.
You don’t owe any one an explanation about your personal circumstances and if it makes you feel more comfortable to continue wearing it then that’s absolutely fine.Take things at your own pace.

Bluewarbler27 · 21/05/2020 02:34

It’s up to you really.

On a side note I rarely wear my wedding ring. I get frustrated having to take it off all the time to wash up etc

Muppetry76 · 21/05/2020 03:00

NAMALT.

I've not worn a wedding ring for 10 years and disappointingly no men at work have ever tried it on with me!

Take it off when you like op. It doesn't have magical powers to ward of unwanted male attention. You'll know when it's time to tell folk, and depending on how you're coping it might actually be better to mention it sooner rather than later as dealing with all this is undoubtedly going to have quite an impact on you.

Muppetry76 · 21/05/2020 03:03

Plus- at work we've all been banned from wearing rings/watches for the last 2 months due to covid handwashing protocols, there hasn't been any sort of pile-on by male colleagues unless I've totally missed all the fun in the stationery cupboard

OnlyLittleMissOrganised · 21/05/2020 03:22

If you want to keep wearing it do so. However you must think very little of your Male colleagues if you think they would pounce on you for a date as soon as you take your wedding ring off!

CovidicusRex · 21/05/2020 03:50

If you need your wedding ring to protect you at work you need to improve your behaviour (and also stop naively thinking that all men think married women are incapable of flirting with them). That aside, wear your ring as long as you like. It’s just a ring.

sofato5miles · 21/05/2020 04:09

You are overstating the ring's significance and i think you are just feeling insecure about being 'unmarried/ single'.

I took mine off two months into our separation. Only waited so long because my engagement ring was beautiful

eaglejulesk · 21/05/2020 05:20

If it makes you feel comfortable then keep wearing it for as long as you like. I have been separated for more years than I was married and now wear mine on my other hand - but if someone seems to be showing a bit of interest and I'm not then I often transfer it back before they ask if I'm married! I don't do that often - and they are generally the kind of guys who do take notice of it. I don't think you are overstating the ring's significance by the way - single women at my work always look at a guy's ring finger first off, and if there is a ring they lose interest.

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