To be considering a sleep consultant??

[mcscotty]

I am so sorry to be posting here but I am desperate and my very last nerve. I am starting to think there may be something seriously wrong with my DS.
He is 20 months old has never slept more that 4 hours in a row.
The last 3 weeks he has been waking at 10 / 11. He wakes and almost immediately goes into a nuclear tantrum. If we leave him in the cot he starts to batter his head against the bars or throws himself into the head. His forehead is yellow and blue with bruises. He screams and goes completely rigid with crying and starts urging as if he is going to be sick. It's almost like he cannot see or hear you trying to calm him, his eyes are swivelling, he his throwing his head back and thrusting is legs almost like he is fitting (he isn't but that gives you some idea of the intensity).
We have resorted to bringing him into our bed but even this doesn't sooth him. We have to hold him down to stop him throwing his head against the wall or throwing himself off the bed, he also thrashes his arms around and tries to hit us in the face, he has cut my lip and head butted both of us (DH thought his nose had been broken the other night he was head butted so hard).

It seems like even touching him increases his rage and he rips our hands off himself and screams harder.
The only thing that stops him is a bottle but the minute it finishes it he throws it and starts the screaming again.

I have tried even just leaving him - after 3 hours of shush/pat and gping in and out the screaming was still at a constant level with no sign of slowing down. We had to give up, we also cannot let him batter his head like he does.

We would ideally cut put the bottles as he is having 3/4 a night but it is the only thing that stops him screaming until he is hoarse or throwing up.

This goes on for hours, eventually he settles into a fitful sleep next to us where his arms are windmilling around and every 20 minutes he wakes screaming again. At around 2 /4 am we manage to put him back in his bed. Then he is awake for the day between 5/6 am.
He maybe has a very mild cows milk allergy and has been dairy free for about 8 months. I
He naps without issue during the day - we have tried varying the duration from 30 min to 1 hour 30 without it making any difference.
On the whole he goes down well at the start of the night and is tired enough to go straight to sleep at 7/ 7:30 until around 10pm where this will start. He is then utterly unable to settle himself.
At the moment he doesn't have a lot of words or speech (literally Mama, Dad, bye-bye, up, down, shoes) so I don't feel like I can ascertain exactly what is wrong with him, (he understands a lot however like "wash your hands" - he will go to the sink and try to turn on the tap)
We are seriously think of a Sleep Consultant as we cannot cope anymore, my mental health is in tatters and I dread the start of every day as I am exhausted, can anyone recommend one?
Please, please help.

@mcscotty speak to your Gp / HV we are currently under a sleep/behaviour specialist on the NHS and once they can open again you can attend groups that really help as other parents know what you are going through.

My DD is almost 4 and we have always struggled with her sleep, at the minute its a cycle of good sleep, then a few nights of screaming at bed time and then she will have a night where she goes to bed fine falls asleep easily then wakes around 2-4am screaming we give her the iPad and she is happy on her own with that🤷🏻‍♀️

No experience here but a method a friend used with thus persistent waking at a certain hour was to pre empt it. I think it was called 'wake to sleep'. You know it happens around 10pm, so you do the unthinkable, you disturb him a half hour beforehand, just enough to slightly wake him up not fully awake, then let him settle down again, it breaks the sleep cycle and starts it again. Alternatively, when my dd was little she would wake screaming after 45 mins if she was overtired, a 30min nap between 4-5pm used to avoid it, would he nap at this time? Perhaps in the buggy? He must be exhausted from the disturbed nights. I hope it improves for you all

Would he dream feed around 9:30pm to if you tried the 'wake to sleep'?

It isn't right that he's getting that many calories during the night. You say he throws his food at you in the day? So it's all topsy turkey. At his age I think, if you can afford it, a sleep consultant is a great idea. You need him back to getting his calories during waking hours and nothing except water after bedtime. Good luck op.

Is it night terrors?

All I'd say is try him co sleeping at the start of the night or carry him into bed when you go so that he never has the chance to wake up alone and work himself up. Sounds awful.

DD didn't sleep through until she was 4. She had dairy allergy and wasn't great with soy which is quite common apparently.
Are you under a dietician? You need to be so careful about hidden dairy. DD also had issues with eggs and with sulphites and we spent ages and ages checking food labelling about preservatives. Might be something to look into.

We found that night time was the worst as all the gas had built up in her stomach and she was very uncomfortable. Added to her high needs personality and she would scream blue murder until she made herself sick. After cutting out as much food/milk that made her tummy sore we did see an improvement, but at that point she was in a pain feedback cycle routine and it took ages to break it. Then we had the lovely developmental leap that was night terrors although she was about 3 when they started.

Definitely speak to the gp/hv again and if he's not under a dietician ask for a referral.

Thanks all for the messages, another terrible night last night where he woke practically every 2 hours.
We spoke to asleep consultant and there is so much going on with DS that we are taking a very slow approach.
I am going to try and get hime a few consecutive half decent nights sleep in a row. The first time he wakes I'm not even going to try and settle him in the cot but take hime straight to out room. The thinking is that when he wakes with me beside him he will be calmer. This will then gradually progress to dropping the bottle as comfort, then hopefully back in his room.
We have to move house this weekend so there is so much going on and so little sleep it all seems overwhelming.