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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My DC is going to be the only child in reception :(

88 replies

BoujiSnail · 19/05/2020 22:41

Anyone else? I feel so sad for her. She is currently back in her preschool as she's 4 and I thought it made more sense rather than to send her in to school be with no other kids in her year and only 11 kids in the whole school aged between 4-16.
Now they've been sending out email correspondence and her teacher has confirmed that so far no other children in the year have been confirmed.
What happens if she is the only one? I feel so sorry for her, and unreasonably, angry at the other parents for just being able to keep their kids at home (forever?) whilst us key workers have to keep working and now risk ruining school for our children.

OP posts:
SuperMumTum · 20/05/2020 06:13

My DS is in reception and has been playing with some boys from year 2 the last few weeks. He's been getting along well. I know what you mean though, I just wish he could have his classmates back but that's not the reality right now.

Tentontessie · 20/05/2020 06:14

Just to echo what others have said, my reception class DD is also only 4 and has been in school the whole time throughout this as we are both key workers. She is one of only 10 and I think the next youngest is in year 2. She has absolutely loved it and been so surprisingly resilient about having a new teacher each week etc as well as being fussed over by the older ones. I think it’s been great because she has gotten to know lots of the teachers in the school, especially her teacher for next year so that’s a real positive. When everyone comes back the key worker children will stay together in a bubble so this is the new norm and they adjust really quickly.

FruChoc · 20/05/2020 06:25

Have you seen 9 and 10 year olds interact with 4 year olds? It’s gorgeous! Both age groups get so much out of it. Bet you it will be good for her.

This is spot on.
Aside from the emotional turmoil everyone is feeling due to a change in normality, please don't worry about the younger/ older children dynamic. It brings out the absolute best in the kids and develops their empathy and social skills/ resilience.

My children are at a rural school ( not uk) with only 28 kids - ages from just turned 5 to 13. They bring out the best in each other and create some very enduring friendships across all ages/year levels. Covid aside - It could be an incredibly positive experience for your little one.

AriadnesFilament · 20/05/2020 07:03

I am feeling rather (irrationally?) irritated by those people who are either stay at home parents, or furloughed, or otherwise not affected and choosing to keep their kids at home. Totally their choice but I get wound up that we don't really have that choice (unless we want to work 12 hour days AND homeschool hmm).

My primary aged child will most likely be staying home once his year group is told to return. I feel enormous sympathy for you and your daughter because this whole thing is horrible, but this comment has really annoyed me, because of this but: “otherwise not affected”.

We’re in a position where the decision to keep him home is somewhat easier to make than in other circumstances, but you really need to shift your thinking. No-one with children in a school setting is unaffected by this. We’re all having to make hard, difficult decisions, and every single one of us has been affected up until now, and will continue to be until this is over. You may have been affected in a different way to me, and I may have been affected in a different way to the person down the road to me, and so on, but we have all been affected.

You have no idea why those parents have decided not to send their children, just as they have no idea why you have decided to send yours. They may be desperately wishing they were in a position where they could send their children to school, even under these circumstances, but for whatever reason they can’t. Or their ‘ability’ to keep their children home may actually have come at terrible cost to their family’s financial security. My point is that you don’t know. Just as they don’t know about you.

Try not to be envious. Unless you know for a fact that the people you are envious of are genuinely completely and utterly unaffected. For those people are few and far between amongst typical day to day folk.

Crimsonnightlotus · 20/05/2020 07:09

I totally agree that older kids will feel protective of her and take a good care of her. Speaking from experience. My dc was youngest in a club, he really loved attention he got. Made great friends from different age groups along the way.

JMKid · 20/05/2020 07:31

DS has been going into school during the lockdown as am a key worker. He is the only one from reception. He loves being the older kids, makes him feel so grown and he learns so much. When I picked up him yesterday an older boy was showing him how to do his maths work.

papiermaches · 20/05/2020 07:32

@thirstyformore "I am feeling rather (irrationally?) irritated by those people who are either stay at home parents, or furloughed, or otherwise not affected and choosing to keep their kids at home"

Seriously? Yes that's irrational. For a start the school wouldn't actually be able to accommodate all the kids under the new measures, so you should be thankful some of us have decided not to.
Also, one key worker in the family doesn't mean to HAVE to send your kid in. If you have one parent at home, working, then you can keep your kid at home a muddle along like the rest of us. But that's your choice.
I know several 2 key worker parent families who still aren't sending the kids to school.
It's up to each family to do what they think is best for them.

thirstyformore · 20/05/2020 07:33

@ariadnesfilament I know plenty of people who are totally unaffected by the decision to open schools or not! I'm not saying anyone is wrong to make the choice not to send their kids back, but I know loads of families with stay at home mums or who have been furloughed and the kids being at home doesn't impact their ability to work (because they don't have to work!). That's what meant by unaffected.

I may want to choose to keep my at home but it's a much harder decision when you're working full time in a difficult job. I appreciate my reaction is probably unreasonable hence my reference to irrationality!!

Porridgeoat · 20/05/2020 07:34

I’d expect all infants to be taught together. All juniors to be taught together.

Ask the school if your DC can be with the next year group up for company and say you’re worried about the isolation

papiermaches · 20/05/2020 07:35

OP - the older ones will look after the little ones. My DC in year 3 have year 6 'friends' from school anyway now. And in holiday club or after school settings the kids are mixed up and the older ones generally either are very sweet to the younger ones or ignore them. I don't think you have anything to worry about if you really do have to send your kid in, they'll be supervised the whole time.

Porridgeoat · 20/05/2020 07:36

Yes I suspect it will be nice for your child to mix with older kids.

papiermaches · 20/05/2020 07:40

@thirstyformore
NO one is unaffected. You should try actually homeschooling if you think it's a doddle. As for those furloughed - some are the main breadwinner and in significantly less pay that usual and worried sick about their jobs.
There are families out there with serious financial and health concerns right now. The rest of us are doing the best we can for our families and kids, and juggling work/home-shooling/caring for others. Perhaps trying to keep that it mind will give you some perspective.
You need to make a decision based on your personal circumstances and stop judging others.

papiermaches · 20/05/2020 07:45

'but I get wound up that we don't really have that choice (unless we want to work 12 hour days AND homeschool hmm).'

You realise that this is what many, many families are already doing?

I was talking to someone yesterday who was worried that her DC were losing out not being able to go into school as the key workers kids are as it's so hard to home school them. EVERYONE's worried about something.

TryingToBeBold · 20/05/2020 07:45

My DD has been mixing with preschoolers at nursery because of low numbers and the teachers have been amazing. Really encouraging and because DD is one of the youngest apparently all of the preschoolers love fussing over her and holding her.
Apparently one wanted to pick her up and cradle her like a baby the other day.
Honestly itll be fine.

Mrsemcgregor · 20/05/2020 07:46

I wonder if people would be annoyed if those that could keep their children home (“unaffected“) chose to send them to school and caused more restrictions (half days, part time tables etc) on the children who’s parents needed them to be in school.

SAHP can’t win really, they are either lucky bastards being able to keep kids at home or selfish bastards for taking up a school place they don’t technically “need”

FlamingoQueen · 20/05/2020 07:55

If the school is a good one, they will have plans for your dd being the only one. The older children will love having a younger child to play with and then when (if) they all go back in Sept she will have some ‘big’ friends and feel like the special child.

NewYorkIvy · 20/05/2020 08:00

My daughter is the only one going in from her nursery class (school nursery) and she has come home so excited that she is allowed to play with the "big kids" and go in classrooms she usually wouldn't. We have treated it as an adventure and that's how she sees it.

AriadnesFilament · 20/05/2020 08:00

I know plenty of people who are totally unaffected by the decision to open schools or not! I'm not saying anyone is wrong to make the choice not to send their kids back, but I know loads of families with stay at home mums or who have been furloughed and the kids being at home doesn't impact their ability to work (because they don't have to work!). That's what meant by unaffected.

You can’t pick and choose what words mean. And I’m trying to be sympathetic here when I’m saying this. But no-one with children in school is unaffected by this. No-one. Seriously, you need to shift your thinking. You are not alone in this being hard just because you are a key worker and have a particular set of circumstances that mean you have a particular set of choices. My family, due to the cards we have been dealt, has a different set of a choices. They are also hard. I am not sitting here saying that it’s alright for you because (for example) you’ve got employment, because that would be crass and one dimensional and takes no account of any other circumstances you’ve got in your lives.

Going back to school will be hard for your child. I can assure you that staying home will be hard for mine and he will be distraught about it.

It’s not a bloody competition and you shouldn’t be making it into one.

thirstyformore · 20/05/2020 08:01

@papiermaches I'm not judging!!!!! That's the point. People make their own decisions.

And I AM homeschooling. That's the problem.

It's not a competition as to who has it worse. I'm just saying I don't really have a choice whether to send my kids to school as from a mental health perspective I can't go on like this.

I wish my husband was furloughed then he could do homeschooling full time, but that won't happen.

It's hard for everyone, hence why I said my annoyance was irrational.

papiermaches · 20/05/2020 08:07

I am feeling rather (irrationally?) irritated by those people who are either stay at home parents, or furloughed, or otherwise not affected and choosing to keep their kids at home.'

LITERALLY judging someone else's choice. If you have one key worker in the family then you do have a choice also and I'm not judging why you feel the need to send your kid to school when you have a parent at home because I understand that things like mental health also come into play.

Bollss · 20/05/2020 08:11

I know what you mean but try not to worry. When I met Ds new childminder she had s range of ages of kids and I did say oh is there any other kids his age and she said there would be some days but other days maybe not. She said the same as a PP that generally the bigger kids really loved playing with the smaller ones and "looking after" them.

Drivingdownthe101 · 20/05/2020 08:14

SAHP can’t win really, they are either lucky bastards being able to keep kids at home or selfish bastards for taking up a school place they don’t technically “need”

This with bells on!

Thehop · 20/05/2020 08:17

I would have loved a 4 year old to mother in school! She may be the focus of so much attention and support from the cool big kids that she loves it!

thirstyformore · 20/05/2020 08:19

@papiermaches eh?? How is me being irritated judging anyone? I even said my irritation was irrational. I'm irritated because I feel I don't have a choice. Not because anyone else's choice is "wrong". I'm irritated by the situation. Like everyone else!

Anyway.....it's certainly not a competition so I'll bow out and we can agree to disagree. Everyone has it tough. No judging from me.

anothernamechangeagain · 20/05/2020 08:20

As others have said, she will thrive playing with the bigger kids.
My almost 4yo loves playing with the older kids at the park (pre covid) and they would all try to teach him how to play football or push him on the swings etc.
It's fab when the older kids are at the park actually as I can sit down and just watch Grin

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