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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be concerned about friend

4 replies

pumpkinbump · 19/05/2020 21:56

Names have been changed obviously. I'll try to keep it short.

W met N at work years ago and became friends. They started a relationship and were together for two years but N was very non committal. They saw each other every other weekend. They lived quite far apart.

W then discovered that N had been seeing someone else for the entire two years. Seeing her on the alternate weekends he claimed to be working. W also found that N had signed up to swingers sites (apparently not to do anything, just to watch).

It all blew up and N told W that he loved the other woman and never loved her. They parted ways but had to see each other at work now and then. The other woman also worked there.

After a while W and N became friends again and resumed a relationship slowly. The affairs became common knowledge at work and he decided to leave to protect his reputation.

N moved up country and W helped him. W Then moved too. When it came to sign for the house they were buying, N snuck to solicitors by himself to sign for the house. Much fuss was made by W.

N made W aware that he didn't know if he wanted marriage and kids (like he had told her to reel her back into the relationship) which left W feeling lost for some time.

Then all of a sudden they were married when they went abroad. W had given N an ultimatum that they would be over if not.

After getting married N was very non committal again about having children.

Then all of a sudden, W is pregnant.

obviously there is a lot lore detail to the story.

N had to travel a lot for work and has always announced last minuted that he is going.

I am concerned for my friend. I don't think people change and I'm worried that after she has had the baby things will get bad again, he will be able to travel more alone. The thought of her being shat on again doesn't bear thinking about.

Can people like this change?

OP posts:
KellyHall · 19/05/2020 21:58

Some people can change. Lots don't.

It's rarely possible to tell until it's too late.

Aquamarine1029 · 19/05/2020 22:00

He won't change. Sadly, your friend has made her choice and she will have to live with the consequences.

pumpkinbump · 19/05/2020 22:04

This is what I am worried about. When I say she moved I meant around 4 hours drive away. This was in 2013. They married about 2 years ago. I would hate the fact that she uprooted her life for nothing in the end and has wasted all this time on him. Strangely though there seems to have been no instances of cheating since they moved so I'm thinking that maybe he has. But her being at home with the baby is worrying as it may give him more opportunity

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 19/05/2020 22:17

You really need to let all this worry go, op. It's not your life to live or lose sleep over. It seems like you're making up problems where none currently exist. Even if they do, there's nothing you can do about them.

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