To be annoyed with DP?

[chelle862]

Last week when I was shopping, a guy pushed passed me and asked me to apologise, I said no chance, you aren't supposed to be any close than 2M from me. He was angry and aggressive then racially attacked me.

I was really upset, shocked and worried that he was going to follow me home. I took his car registration. Luckily he didn't. When I told my DP he said that racism happens and I should let it go and get over it? Why should I?! I'm sure if it had been the other way round, he most certainly wouldn't of let it go!

I have spoken to the police and they have given him a warning. I'm happy with the outcome but he's still saying I shouldn't of bothered. AIBU that he's not fighting my corner? Or am I just being overly hormonal.

YADNBU racism is never acceptable

YANBU, sorry it happened to you OP.

Sure

You were absolutely right. Racism is awful and never acceptable and your partner should not have brushed it off. Does he not realise that the fact that the Police gave the man a warning shows that they take it seriously too. Murders happen too.

You absolutely did the right thing. People like him need to understand that they can’t behave like they do without repercussions.

Thank you all Afterwards I thought this man can not get away with that! I wouldn't be able to get away with it! (Not that I would ever racially abuse someone) I'm off to go and kick him in the dick... DP not the man from the shop

Good for you OP. The guy had probably forgotten all about his casual racist assault - I bet he got a real shock when the police turned up. Serves him right.

Nope that's horrible. It is not something that you should have to just get over. Has your partner experienced racism himself? Either way his response was unacceptable. What else would he have you just get over and why can't he support you in the way you need to be supported? Does he feel frightened that he can't always protect you or is he just a dick about your feelings?

A lot of racists wouldn't have said what they said to you to another man.

Is your dp BAME?

He can be protective of me, even more so now that I'm pregnant. He doesn't seem to understand that I feel vulnerable with everything that's going on in the world and that it's a baby I never thought I'd have. I think he also knows it wouldn't of happened if he had of been with me. But it still doesn't make it okay! He should support me! He is a bit of an emotional fuckwit (he's getting help for this) sometimes I have to spell it out for him to realise.

His dad is mixed race, i don't know if he's ever had anything happen to him, I just feel like he should be on my side regardless.

Really pleased you reported him and he got a visit. His behaviour is totally unacceptable. AND your husband should definitely support you. BUT don't let him win any further by letting it get to you.

His behaviour was unacceptable, he's a dick. Don't given him the power to continue to upset you.

Maybe your DH would have let it go, but that doesn't mean he could or should not have been sympathetic. He doesn't know whether it would have happened if he had been there, or what he would have done, but it doesn't help to say that you should not have reported it.

Yes, he could have been more supportive but perhaps he feels you should have forgotten about it by now, but even if you could have ignored it that doesn't mean you should have.

The man could have thought he had got away with it and would have perhaps been given enough of a shock to think twice about doing it again.

It hasn't been playing on my mind, the only reason why it came up again is because the officer had to get me to sign to agree to giving him a warning.

Racism should never be tolerated. Well done for reporting it! One of my friends was verbally attacked because of his race.. although was too lazy to report it and didn't think the police would do anything anyway. Sadly, I don't think some people realise how serious it is :(

That’s terrible I’m sorry that happened to you!
It’s important to report for the statistics also. If you don’t report then they won’t think the problem is as bad as it is.

That sounds like a horrible experience, all the more so when you’re pregnant!

You suggesting you kick DP in the groin is far worse, even tho’ you were joking. Thatvattitude is every bit as bad as casual racism.

Be the change..

🙄 like I'd actually kick him, he is much much stronger than me. I spelt it out to him, he apologised for not having my back and told me he wished he'd of been there for me when it happened.

I'm glad I reported it and I'm glad it's done with.

Do you mean the reason you would not kick him is that your fear is that he is so much stronger than you that his retaliation would be too painful?

I’m aghast that you think that way about your partner. And your original post was about him not emotionally supporting you to your satisfaction. Is it any wonder if you harbour thoughts like that.

Psychotherapy could help you get to the bottom of what’s really going on with your attitude towards your DP. You seem to hold him in low esteem