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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask why you are not taking your kids back to school

106 replies

daisydukes7576 · 19/05/2020 21:25

Not trying to start an argument here just genuinely curious to know your reasons?

I'm not talking about those that have children with underlying health conditions.

And I will repeat, this isn't to start an argument I am just genuinely wandering if I've missed something/other reasons people aren't sending their kids to school if and when they have the opportunity to?

And if you aren't, when are you planning to as it's could be a while before there's a vaccine?

OP posts:
DahliaDay · 19/05/2020 22:25

so school will actually just be childcare? now i can see why teachers won't be too happy with that

YouJustDoYou · 19/05/2020 22:27

No point, and I have two other young children plus currently no car.

Applesandpears23 · 19/05/2020 22:30

Lots of reasons:
My child is anxious and missing friends. But her closest friend isn’t going back and there is no guarantee that she will be put in the same bubble as her other friends. Her need for school is mainly social as she is learning fine with us (not school work, we are using work books we bought to cover whole syllabus). We will instead meet her closest friend in a park for some supervised play.

Her sister will miss her.

I have taken unpaid leave from work so I don’t need childcare.

My parents are shielding and I want to see them before we are exposed to school germs.

I don’t want her to be exposed to other children’s knowledge of the situation and grief. She hasn’t seen any news and doesn’t understand that her grand parents may die.

daisydukes7576 · 19/05/2020 22:31

I see some of these reasons are things I hadn't considered and now understand the situation a little better.

I guess it just a reminder of what a terrible mess this whole situation is.

I honestly feel like life is pretty messed up for the next 12 months minimum.

OP posts:
Minty82 · 19/05/2020 22:31

I can’t believe it’s even being considered to be honest - the virus is still so prevalent it’s just asking for it to tear through whole communities. I don’t believe it’s safe, for the children or the teachers, and I don’t think it’s acceptable to put teachers and their families at risk.
And the measures that would need to be taken to make it safe would result in school being so confusing and upsetting, with none of the usual play and interaction that is usually central to it, that I can’t see any upside to it. Quite apart from the fact that DS is eligible but DD isn’t and I can’t face the battle every morning! We’re both trying to work full time from home and it’s not easy to maintain any home schooling, but the children are happy and I don’t see the point of engaging with such a risky experiment until September when, if we don’t do stupid things like prematurely open schools, the virus might have had a chance to calm down.

DownADirtRoad · 19/05/2020 22:33

I see some of these reasons are things I hadn't considered and now understand the situation a little better.

Bless. Lol.

Nonnymum · 19/05/2020 22:34

School isn't meant to be fun though?
Of course it is meant to be fun for 5 and 6 year olds. It's how they learn.
The proposals for school from June are not based on how small children learn. They are not likely to learn anything if they are unhappy or insecure. The way schools are likely to be are potentially damaging to young children's mental health and are not about education in any way.

Eggybreadleg · 19/05/2020 22:39

No, our best thinking has gotten us the highest death rate in Europe. There's been no proper risk assessment done. The plan is based around economic benefit and lacks scientific merit. If they were going to test them all and gave them teachers PPE then maybe. We still don't know how prevalent Kawasaki-like complications will be when lockdown ends and they all start mixing. The longer we wait the better they will get at identifying it and managing in kids.

Fluffybutter · 19/05/2020 22:43

@daisydukes7576 yeah I did , to tell you ,you were being unfair .
You don’t have to be glued to know this question has been asked constantly along with “AIBU for not doing school work atm”

babybythesea · 19/05/2020 22:45

Yes, DahliaDay.
It is very little to do with education and a lot to do with childcare. If it was to do with education, year 5 would be back, making up ground before they do SATS next year. Or Year 10 or 12. What they’ve done is prioritised the children who make it hardest to work from home. The ones who can’t occupy themselves, unlike most Year 5s.
I wish the gvt would be honest. They’ve talked about the importance of education for early years but ignored the fact that most countries do not even have kids in school at this point. Other countries have their children in high quality play focussed settings. Which our early years was,but can’t be now because we’ve removed most of the toys. So this ‘education’ they will be getting will be ‘sit at your desk.’ Which is not how little children learn. We know that. It’s why we don’t do it normally.
They’ve talked about vulnerable children. Ignoring the fact that vulnerable children could have been in school all along. If they are not and the family is hiding something, they can continue to hide it because you will not be penalised for keeping your kids out of school. They can just be one of the parents who choose to keep their kids home. So that’s a nonsense excuse.

I don’t mind being childcare, as long as the gvt are honest. But they are letting everyone down by pretending it can be business as usual. It just can’t be, we can’t use the methods and resources which we know work best. Children may come to school expecting it to be as it was and they will get a horrible shock. I just don’t think it is fair on them. Parents might be expecting teaching. In our school at least, and I suspect in most others, with most of our children still at home, teachers have still got to prepare full home learning packs. They will still need to record the online stories they have been reading, and mark the work that comes back, and drive round checking in with the children we are concerned about, and delivering packs to people who don’t have printers, and I’ve sessions with children who need interventions....
They cannot do all that plus and teach good lessons for the six children sitting in front of them. We’re having two adults in each bubble to release the teachers from a lot of this (and also to allow us to be able to leave the room for a wee without leaving the kids unsupervised).
Added to which, our bubble is a mixed age group. We realised that although we had carefully planned the bubbles to prevent cross infection, we had a number of children who would have had siblings in another group, which could have effectively destroyed the bubble idea. So we’ve grouped siblings, which means in one bubble we have a reception and a year 6. Not conducive to great teaching.

Now we are in a very specific situation, so see exactly what your school is doing. We don’t have many kids back so it will not be a lovely chance to catch up with friends. Neither of my children will have friends in their bubble. Your school may be different. But the provision for early years will be broadly the same because we are all following the gvt guidelines to remove anything that cannot be cleaned quickly and easily.
Look at what your child plays with at home. If you had to be able to properly clean it, quickly, before it was given to another child, then your can keep it, if not, is has to go. What toys would they have left? That is what they will be returning to.

GreenTulips · 19/05/2020 22:46

The teachers are tasked with making creative fun interactive lessons.

Offering a variety of ways to learn. And yes enjoy learning. School isn’t meant to be torcher for them.

They learn to share, collaborate, share ideas, play new games, Co-operate, laugh with their friends, chatter over lunch, be silly together.

babybythesea · 19/05/2020 22:49

Oh dear heaven. There are far too many errors in my post. I’m sorry, but hopefully you get the idea.

lazylinguist · 19/05/2020 22:51

Mine are secondary age, dd is yr10. School are proposing some year 10 teaching starting in June. I probably won't send her because it will be only a very partial timetable and is unlikely to have good staffing continuity and she'd still have to be doing the rest as distance learning (which she's quite liking anyway), so I don't see the point tbh! That's not a criticism of the school or what they'll offer btw - they are doing their best!

GreenTulips · 19/05/2020 22:57

I agree. DS won’t be doing any practical lessons like woodwork, engineering, cookery, textiles is off. There’s two sites and they can’t cross contaminate either building. Some have say release to A local college for photography and art etc so they can’t go. PEs out as are shared computer so there’s computer science out as well.

I think they need to strip it back for now.

babybythesea · 19/05/2020 23:02

And I know teachers are being told they are not a special case in terms of wanting to be safe. Well, I’m not worried about catching it. I think I’ve had it but wasn’t tested, so can’t be 100% positive, but I am looking forward to taking an antibody test at some stage to hopefully find out.
I’m not visiting my parents, so I’m not worried about passing it on.
I am just desperately worried about the mental health of the children who come back into this. I was quite happy to go back until I actually looked around the classroom when we’d finished today, and then I wanted to cry. It feels wrong to be doing this to them, it really does. I’m picturing the smile fading on the face of one bubbly little girl when we tell her mummy isn’t allowed into the playground now, so kiss goodbye on the road. And I’m working out how I convince the child who doesn’t like coming into school on a good day, that after spending several months with mum, today is the day that school starts again. But no, Mummy can’t bring you into the classroom, so stop crying, let go of mummy and walk over here to me, but I can’t come and pick you up from mummy and give you the teddy we always have you to look after for us. Be a big girl, even though you are only four, and just walk to two metres to me. I can’t cuddle you (in theory) and I know you’re worried about the work but I’ll help you, from 2 m away...

They’ve said to social distance if we can. So we’ve planned for it. Yeah, right. If the kids are upset it will last seconds!
So you also have to make a decision. If your child is upset by it all and cries, are you happy that I cuddle them, and risk spreading the virus, because I do not want to be in a job that asks me to stand and watch a little child cry.
I know people keep saying they don’t expect little ones to socially distance, but did you hear Dr Harries (Deputy chief medical advisor) talking about lunches? She doesn’t expect children to share food from someone else’s lunchbox when the other children are sitting 2m away. So they clearly do expect them to be socially distant. It’s why they can take in lunchboxes from home and not pose a risk to each other. Nice. Eat lunch 2 m away from everyone else, not sitting with your mates having a giggle.
As I say, my kids would not be there if I wasn’t.

GetOutOfThereHoggle · 19/05/2020 23:04

@babybythesea
Great post, not sending mine back for lots of the reasons already posted but your post perfectly highlighted a lot of the issues. I have R and Y3 at home, they are staying there hopefully til September if I can manage it financially... hopefully by then we will have a clearer picture

KindKylie · 19/05/2020 23:04

Mine took a whole to settle at the start of lockdown, but we've now got into a groove. DH and I have managed to find a way to bodge both of us wfh and as I have a contract that ends mid June for one of my roles I'm about to have more time off in the week.

My dc are having a lovely time at home. They are outside for the majority of the time, going on bike rides and dog walks and hours on our trampoline. They are not anxious or concerned about the virus, they are not being asked to wash their hands excessively and can play freely with each other.

I have no interest in them being exposed to others people's anxieties in school, in loving a life dominated by the virus. Mine love the social and group aspects of school - the assemblies, the awards, the drama and pe and playtimes. None of this will be available to them, they may not be with their teacher and certainly won't get to play with their friends at break. Mine may not even be in on the same days or a the same times - quite frankly I can't imagine anything worse than spending hours of each day queuing to drop them off and pick them up in a massive socially distant crocodile...

So, we're all having a lovely time at home and are just weeks away from being able to go out on longer walks and adventures when I'm not working so much, without being fined or having to rush home for brownies etc. Sending them back to a weird restrictive version of school just doesn't appeal as an alternative tbh.

BerryPieandCustard · 19/05/2020 23:06

I’m not sending DD back before September..
I have very little faith in the government guidelines- you can’t see family (who I know have been following social distancing rules) but I can send my child to school with a group of other kids who I have no idea if their families are social distancing or not???
Also government has urged people to wear masks on public transport or while shopping ( places where social distancing is difficult) so basically a teacher or student travels to school by bus or train = urged to wear a mask, get into school and no mask required. I’m pretty sure that viruses are not so considerate that they pause transmitting is a school.

Plus I think of school as education first rather than childcare and how much education is actually going to be achieved with trying to ensure a load of kids wash hands regularly, don’t move too much in one direction or the other, don’t share a pencil (that will probably be put in mouths!) and with the staff on edge and rightly worried about the environment they are being forced into- that kind of environment is not conducive to learning.

Mynydd · 19/05/2020 23:18

@babybythesea that sounds really awful and worrying. I'm in Wales so luckily not even having to think about it yet but really really hope things are different soon. I hope the children, and you, settle into the new normal and that it goes well. Thanks for being so honest

WellGoshDarnIt · 19/05/2020 23:19

I'm not sending DD back because I think it's pretty pointless. She's Yr 6. SATS have been cancelled, but they've finished the curriculum, so they won't be learning anything new.
All the fun, end of yr 6 stuff has been (rightly) cancelled. So no school play, leavers assembly, theme park trip, hoodies, sports day etc etc etc.
In terms of transition to senior school, DD is going to a different school to everyone else in her class, (we moved over the county border last year), so will be attending induction days at her new school regardless of whether she returns to her primary or not, (if they go ahead, obviously).
All in all, I really don't see there's much point - she can see all her friends and say goodbye when lockdown ends.

GetOutOfThereHoggle · 19/05/2020 23:29

I'll have a job with my Y3 anyway. He ok about school normally, not his favourite place lol but he has lots of close mates.. but when he heard Boris on the news that schools were back in on June 1st, he thought that meant his year and his actually sobbed at the thought (!!) apparently mum school is miles better (ie shorter) and he's never going back...
first day back in my house is going to be a tough morning..!!

mummyof4darlingz · 19/05/2020 23:37

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GetOutOfThereHoggle · 19/05/2020 23:40

I feel for the parents who don't want their kids to go back but who are now pressured because of work etc. I'm very grateful that I'm able to continue working from home for now so I have the choice to be able keep them off til sept. Everyone has different situations. The schools and teachers have hard jobs now trying to keep R and Y1 distanced whilst maintaining a mentally healthy environment. Sounds impossible to do. I'm glad I can contribute to keeping class sizes as small as possible by keeping both of mine off for now...

allfalldown47 · 19/05/2020 23:49

Ds & dh both have medical conditions that puts them at risk, so ds will not be returning on the 1st.
I however will be, so we will be living apart once I'm back at school.
Bloody lazy teachers eh? I'm so fed up of being bashed on Mumsnet that I felt it was worth mentioning the huge sacrifice I will be making. I will miss my dh & ds so so much but I'm not prepared to put them at any risk.

Bellebelle · 19/05/2020 23:54

@babybythesea great posts that have really brought home to me how damaging this could be to young children. My DC’s are older and we’re in Scotland so I don’t have the same concerns/have to consider this quite so soon. However your post explains so clearly how difficult this could be for younger children. My eldest DD never went into nursery or early primary years easily, she was tearful and clingy every day for years and very sensitive to any changes. It would have been difficult enough to get her back after such a long break anyway but to return to an environment suddenly changed so much would have been impossible.

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