AIBU to expect DH to do more around house?

[Satsuma2019]

Hi all,

Me and my DH are both working. I am PT and WFH. My DH is working full time in the workplace. I also do the childcare while WFH. When DH gets home which isn’t until evening he then just sits on his phone and when asked to simple things like bath our DC it’s a sigh as if to say why do I have to do it?

I have tried talking to him to say okay you work FT but that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t also help out with little things at home and more importantly interact with our DC. I really feel like SM is the worst thing invented sometimes.

I am just wondering am I being unreasonable because DH has been to work and I should just suck it up and let him just relax when he gets home even if it means I do everything on my own or do u think he should be pulling his weight a bit more.

You are definitely not being unreasonable. Yes, you should probably do a little more housework than him being at home, but he does not get a free pass.

My ex husband was like this and ultimately, it killed our relationship. The years of imbalance was 100‰ to blame for our unhappiness. I was always bottom of the pile. Football and gaming came first. Then work, then the kids.

I read somewhere recently(13 years too late for my first marriage, clearly), that when this imbalance happens it shifts the power in a relationship and you take on a mother role, and them the child, and it stops romance/sexual love in its tracks. It is very hard to get back. If not impossible.

I'm now married to someone who pulls his weight, even 5 years down the line, and its a revelation.

I can relate to this. I don't think my husband will ever change. I feel like his mum not wife. I want to leave him one day 😀

I am a child of a pretty 50/50 relationship. My father worked shifts but pulled his weight around the house when he wasn't at work, my mum worked more regular hours, term time only.

It came as a huge shock when I married and had children, to find that my DH thought that I existed to do every single thing around the house, with the children 24/7. He went to work, came home, ate his dinner, put his plate on the floor and then fell asleep in front of the TV. If I asked him to help, I was 'lazy'.

In consequence, after we separated, the kids didn't want to spend time with him and now regard him as a bit of a waste of space.

Thank you for your responses.

I just feel like half the time I just nag because if I don’t say what needs doing it either won’t get done or I’ll end up having to do it myself. I do appreciate he does work more days but I have been trying to explain to him since this pandemic having to juggle childcare, fitting 8hrs of work in and cleaning the house is impossible!!

I try not to be too hard on him because he will do odd bits randomly but then it could be a few weeks before he suddenly does a clean up again. I would rather consistent help.

Moan over lol

Hopefully things will work out for you ladies too 😊😊