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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dating - AIBU

15 replies

1Schminkies · 19/05/2020 18:39

Me, 33 year old female, dating 31 year old male for two months. Met on a ating app (yes😒 I know). I've seen on his Instagram he's messaging and "liking" photos of other women he has met through dating apps. We had a talk at the beginning of our third date where I told him that I only date exclusively and if he wanted to date other women I would not see him. He has assured me he only intends on dating me. AIBU regarding his contact with other women from dating apps? Would really appreciate some advice, as I'm very upset about this.

OP posts:
LesleysChestnutBob · 19/05/2020 18:40

How did you see the messages to other women on his Instagram? How do you know those women are not his pre existing friends?

whatagonnahappennow · 19/05/2020 18:41

8 weeks isn't a long time, but you have said you'll be exclusive. In that case I would be a bit put out if he was liking other girls he knows through a dating app.

Gabriella1987 · 19/05/2020 18:44

The messages from one woman flashed up on his phone when I was sat next to it. I picked it up thinking it might be important work stuff, as he was next door and expecting a call from his boss.

Gabriella1987 · 19/05/2020 18:45

Thank you. I'm very wary, having met on a dating app. There's something about him that makes me doubt him and I'm wondering whether my intuition is correct or I'm just being paranoid.

Calic0 · 19/05/2020 18:46

Yeah, my first thought was the same as @LesleysChestnutBob - how do you know this? Are you looking for evidence of this contact? Do you already have reason not to trust him? In which case this relationship is already more trouble than it is worth at the two month stage.

You’ve set out your stall and been honest about your expectations. He may just have told you what you wanted to hear - third date is still very early days. You’re entitled to be annoyed if he is reneging now but, again, are there trust issues underlying this need for early exclusivity?

Gabriella1987 · 19/05/2020 18:46

He admitted he'd met her on the dating app and they were just friends. Hmm.

Ginfordinner · 19/05/2020 18:50

How have you been seeing him for 2 months when we have been on lockdown for most of it?

And did you have a namechange failure?

Gabriella1987 · 19/05/2020 18:50

Calic0 I think you're right, he told me what I wanted to hear at the 3rd date stage to get what he wanted and now he is reneging. I have been cheated on years ago and my father was a womaniser so I'm very sensitive but something tells me I might be right to trust my intuition. It just feels like such a fine line between paranoid crazy woman who's pointing the accusatory finger and standing up for my own self-worth.

Susanna85 · 19/05/2020 18:50

How have you seen him in the last 2 months?

Susanna85 · 19/05/2020 18:51

Always trust your intuition dear x

bettertimesarecomingnow · 19/05/2020 18:53

Yes, how have you been seeing him?

I met my dp on a dating app in January and I haven't seen him since March!! Gah!

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 19/05/2020 18:54

If you are 2 months in and decide to snoop in his phone already the likelihood of you working out is slim to none anyway. Call it a day, you dont trust him, no point hanging around to find out if you have reason to or not.

LesleysChestnutBob · 19/05/2020 18:54

So you saw a message from a woman pop up on Instagram and you read the messages? Are you locked down with him, a man you barely know?

Gabriella1987 · 19/05/2020 19:00

We're both keyworkers

Newkitchen123 · 19/05/2020 19:05

You're not supposed to be going in someone else's house. Being key workers makes no difference.... It might even make it worse depending on the job

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