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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How do I get my toddler to stop pinching my boob/nipple

33 replies

AvadaKadavra · 19/05/2020 06:50

Not AIBU, so sorry to post here it gets quite a bit of traffic.

I've only really noticed that she's doing it since lockdown. She's nearly 20 months and and I can only assume it is for comfort. I haven't breastfed since last summer.

It's not too bad when she's going to sleep as it's hard work getting her to sleep so anything that makes it easier but sometimes she does it randomly and just comes over and pinches my boob, does it to my mum too.

Is this normal? How do I stop it or will she just grow out of it?

OP posts:
LivingThatLockdownLife · 19/05/2020 06:55

Tell her no? Hmm

Shinygreenelephant · 19/05/2020 07:00

My little girl does it too, she's still breastfed though. I just say no firmly and move her away. She does it to her dad as well and laughs at his nipples

pinguwings · 19/05/2020 07:06

My toddler did this. Definitely a comfort thing. Just had to be reallly consistent and remove her hands immediately every time and offer a cuddle/distraction. Lots of explaining that these are mummy's boobies and not yours to touch. It took a while!

pinguwings · 19/05/2020 07:07

And when she is tired and upset and needs a bit of comfort don't allow her to do it for a few minutes then say no. You have to be consistent

Sostenueto · 19/05/2020 07:08

Pinch him back he won't do it again.

Original poster
AvadaKadavra · 19/05/2020 07:10

@LivingThatLockdownLife like I haven't tried that Hmm

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Original poster
AvadaKadavra · 19/05/2020 07:12

@Shinygreenelephant I've tried saying no, but it doesn't work. Sometimes it's the only way to settle her to sleep. Definitely not keen when she does randomly though!

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Starlightstarbright1 · 19/05/2020 07:12

Just litterally day no.
Anymore words give attention for a behaviour you don’t want .

When she gives you a proper cuddle then reinforce that - that’s a lovely cuddle but you can’t have it both ways she can’t do it going to sleep but not when awake it has to be black and white.

hannah1992 · 19/05/2020 07:12

Please don’t pinch her back. That won’t teach her anything. I hate comments like that. “My child bit me” “bite him back” because that teaches what exactly?

Just put her down on the floor or sofa and say we don’t do that, it hurts. You have to be consistent with it. If she’s doing it to other family members tell them to do the same thing you’re doing so she gets the picture that it’s not acceptable

Original poster
AvadaKadavra · 19/05/2020 07:13

@Sostenueto him is a her and no, it's quite clearly a comfort thing so I want a nicer way of stopping it.

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rottiemum88 · 19/05/2020 07:14

Sometimes it's the only way to settle her to sleep. Definitely not keen when she does randomly though!

Not really sure what you want then OP? You can't give inconsistent messages about it being "ok" at some times because you know it helps get her to sleep but then reprimand her at other times and expect her to understand. Decide if it's a battle you want to pick 🤷🏼‍♀️

Original poster
AvadaKadavra · 19/05/2020 07:15

@pinguwings I will keep trying to say no, if I give her a cuddle it just fuels it! I think she's a bit behind in her communication and since not going to nursery she's stopped talking so I'm not sure she'd understand anyway just now.

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Original poster
AvadaKadavra · 19/05/2020 07:18

@rottiemum88 I don't reprimand her, she has her dummy only when going to sleep or when upset so I don't see how this is different, she doesn't randomly pick up her dummy so why should she randomly climb up on the sofa and pinch my boob.

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Original poster
AvadaKadavra · 19/05/2020 07:25

@hannah1992 thank you, I definitely won't be pinching her, just as I wouldn't even consider biting her even if I think 'oh you little sod, how about I do it to you', but it stays just that, a thought in my head.

I will get my mum to be a bit firmer. She used to do it when feeding but it's only started since this whole lockdown, so I'm assuming it's a comfort thing.

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newmane40593 · 19/05/2020 07:29

My toddler does this but with my elbow. She use to breastfeed and it actually started when she stopped bf. It was like her new comfort thing to get her to sleep. It worked so well and I didn't mind it at first so I just let her do it. But now she does it all the time to me and DH and it drives us mad. As she is getting older we are trying to explain and tell her it hurts mummy/daddy. (It doesn't actually hurt but because it's constant it's really irritating.) She stops but then starts again as it's obviously a comfort thing.
Im finding it hard to get her to stop because it really helps her to sleep. Sorry probably a useless post as not much advice just that I understand.

Original poster
AvadaKadavra · 19/05/2020 07:33

@newmane40593 not useless, thank you though it's nice to have someone who understands! 😊

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underneaththeash · 19/05/2020 07:41

If she's doing it randomly on occasion are you sure that she's not trying to tell you she's tired, especially if it something that she usually associates with sleep?

Unfortunately, previous posters are right, you're sending out mixed messages, either it's acceptable or it's not.

SoNooneRecognisesMe · 19/05/2020 08:14

I'm afraid I'm another one saying you are going to be more consistent, especially when you mention her communication may be a little behind. I know it's easier said than done but at that age she just won't understand that she can pinch you at night but not in the day.

Perhaps you and your mum could make a bit of a fuss when she does it, kind of yelp and rub the area saying "Oh that hurts!" or just a quick "Ouch!" with a really sad face. Then a gentle "Please don't do that it really hurts mummy / nana". Rinse and repeat. The sound of your pain and sad face may be more effective if she has communication issues.

Good luck and hope she either grows out of it really soon or you find a method that works!

Original poster
AvadaKadavra · 19/05/2020 08:26

@underneaththeash I'm not sending her any messages, I tell her no at all times for consistency. I just meant that it seems to help her sleep not that I just let her do it. I wandered if there was another way to get her to stop as it isn't working so I've given in, obviously not. It could be that she's trying to tell me she's tired as her sleep is awful at the moment, for example she went down at 11pm last night and woke at 4am this morning!

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Original poster
AvadaKadavra · 19/05/2020 08:27

@SoNooneRecognisesMe thank you, will try to be more expressive. Wel, either her communication is slightly behind or she has me wrapped her little finger and is a little Stewie Griffin in the making.

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Stinkycatbreath · 19/05/2020 08:30

The stupid thing to do would be to pinch back. It seems to be quite a common thing judging from people's experiences. Could you just keep replacing your nipple for something else each time your child does it? Difficult when they get into a habit!

Stinkycatbreath · 19/05/2020 08:33

If it helps ease your pain my son used to play with my ears until just recently he would bend it back and forth like dusting a fly off. It was cute when he was tiny bùt then just became annoying!

Original poster
AvadaKadavra · 19/05/2020 08:34

@Stinkycatbreath thank you! I might try a comforter on top of my boob so she pinched that instead! I will absolutely not pinch her back! I can't believe someone suggested, a bit old fashioned.

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Nottherealslimshady · 19/05/2020 08:35

Can you get her something else to fiddle with it help her sleep? Them squishy stress relief things or them autism sensory things.
You need to consistently say no and move her away, I'd also mention the idea of consent and not touching each others bodys without asking.

Original poster
AvadaKadavra · 19/05/2020 08:35

@Stinkycatbreath can I ask how old your boy is? It does make me feel a bit better! It has been quite cute but its got a bit tiresome!

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