A trivial one. I asked one thing of DH and hes gone to sleep.

[Poppy146]

I'm at home with small children and DH works nights.

I do virtually all of the housework and the lions share of the childcare given that I'm the one at home and not asleep during the day. I cook for everybody, clean every day, do all of the washing and shopping.

He has two nights off (yesterday and tonight)

I asked him to do one thing in the home and that is to give the living room rug scrub whilst he's off. He said he'd do it last night but "forgot" (forgotten means couldn't wait to get on the xbox)

I then reminded him again today and he said he would do it once the children have gone to bed. He has now fallen asleep on the sofa as of 7.30 because he stayed up until 5 o clock this morning playing the sodding xbox. This annoys me because then he's useless the next afternoon.

He can go to sleep at night, despite his body clock being different. He could go to sleep at any time any place at the click of a finger. He's one of those people.

I will do it myself, but I have a bladder prolapse and uterine decent so it's not a cake walk crawling around on my hands and knees especially when there is an abled body man who lives here too.

We had an unrelated argument this afternoon as a result of him being snappy and rude so perhaps that is clouding my judgement on this one, but I'm quite pissed off.

I asked one thing of him. One thing.

AIBU?

My down time? Oh I don't get any!

Unless you count me being able to have a soak in the bath on his nights off, which is then spoiled by him moaning that he has to keep his eye on the kids so they don't come and disturb me

*pussycatinboots

Can you change the router name to "Cleanthefuckingrug" ?*

^^this OP .... Please do this!

Unfortunately his xbox is set to connect automatically so he wouldn't actually see that I had changed the name, as soon as he switches it on it is connected

If you change the password at the same time then he’ll have to log in to connect.

Does he actually have any good points?

So far you are describing a lazy and incompetent man. Who sounds pretty miserable to live with. And deeply unattractive TBH.

I pity you
And your children
Another useless fucking waste of space

He's cleaning it finally

Good points? I used to think he had many, now not so much.

I can only guess he doesn't give much of a shit about us these days. The feeling is becoming mutual.

Today 22:03LovingLola

I pity you
And your children

Wtf?!? Harsh much??

If it's due to lockdown laziness, I might forgive him. But it sounds like it's a regular thing. He shouldn't be moaning about parenting his children when you have a bath.

I can only guess he doesn't give much of a shit about us these days. The feeling is becoming mutual

Have you spoken to him about this feeling?

Change the wifi password. Feign innocence.

@rabbitheadlights

The op herself says
I can only guess he doesn't give much of a shit about us these days.

@LovingLola yes I read that too, but to say you pity them just seems a little excessive.

YANBU.

I've asked my husband to do two things. Two! In addition to supervising home learning (literally sitting next to children while they do reading plus/oak academy/TT rockstars). First one was re-attach sink to wall. He says it won't work because the hole is too big. As I pointed out, we have all the fixings plus filler. Just fucking do it.

The second was to clean out the kitchen cupboards. Hasn't done that either.

He is such a lazy cunt. I'm so cross about it. We'll have a big blow out and he'll do it, but it's upsetting that I even have to ask. I work full time, he does the bare minimum.

If it happens again maybe you could get a bowl of water ready to clean it yourself, become desperate with a bladder issue and in a moment of urgency accidentally knock the controller into the bowl If water

Sounds like you need to have a serious conversation about how things are. I would ignore all the posts going on about changing the wifi passwords or hiding the xbox. That is not really the issue. The issue is he doesn't care as you have put it and that is what needs to change. Hope things work out for you

I do need to address the gaming/family life balance. Every night he is off he's itching to get online. Every time I get out of the bath/shower he has sprawled out on the floor having taken over the tv.

He never inquires if there's anything I want to watch beforehand, this has become the done thing. The TV is "his" after 10pm.

The irony is I bought the fucking thing AND we have a smaller one available he would be welcome to use in another room.

We don't even share a bed these days, partly because he snores terribly but primarily because he wants to stay up until morning playing games and then just crash out in the front room.

The snoring is his justification to stay up gaming all night.

As soon as he has done the carpet he'll be on it immediately.

Wake him up by accidentally falling on him, Have the stuff ready to scrub. Say oh I’m so sorry I nearly pee’d myself there and had to grab the edge of the sofa to stop myself and fell onto you. Any chance you can help?

FFS I really wish posters wouldn't give advice to be so manipulative and passive aggressive.

Here's some better advice: just talk to him. Don't fall on him FGS

Single people have to feed themselves and maintain some level of order at home. I’ve never understood people with partners and kids who suddenly don’t have to do any of that. I’d say next time you moan because I’m having a bath the x box goes off. All night. And it needs to go off 2 nights a week from now on anyway so you can remember your children and your wife’s name for more than having a moan about us and resenting our existence.

I had a husband like this. Note the past tense.

@Poppy146 yes I agree. A serious conversation about this would be a good idea. This is a marriage and as such a partnership. He doesn't sound as though he's being a great partner if you feel like he cares more gaming than his family.

How do you think he would react to your concerns? I expect you've said stuff before, but does he realise how serious this is for you? I know you said in your title that this is 'trivial', but it isnt really is it?

Gaming addiction (and this is what it is) is a real and destructive thing. It took us to marriage counselling which unfortunately was interrupted by lockdown, but I think eventually they would have suggested he seek help for it.
It's so hard when it's the only thing they enjoy and in my husbands case it's his social life. He does have many good points and is a great father- this is one of the only things we argue about. It ended up in a Christmas Day meltdown and me saying if something didn't change then we were separating to get him to counselling. Don't feel like you're making a big thing of this- if it was gambling or alcohol your family would be desperate for you to leave.
And definitely don't clean the rug!

We're at the park right now with the kids and a picnic. Our eldest (toddler with autism) is being a dream, this is the first time ever he has behaved and enjoyed a family outing without having a meltdown or running off.

What is DH doing? On the fucking phone to his game buddy talking about the game. For 20 minutes.

LouiseTrees

Wake him up by accidentally falling on him, Have the stuff ready to scrub. Say oh I’m so sorry I nearly pee’d myself there and had to grab the edge of the sofa to stop myself and fell onto you. Any chance you can help?

😂

This is me everytime the cat litter tray needs cleaning properly. He requires reminding about 5 or 6 times and usually does it days after I've first asked him. I don't get nagged to do my chores but I'm not sure whether it's because it gets done before he notices or he just doesn't notice it needs doing?

If you are with Virgin media it’s quite easy to log onto your account and block gaming, porn, gambling websites, etc. There is also an option where you can automatically set your broadband to switch off and on and the same time everyday. My broadband develops a ‘fault’ quite often!