To think some people are just meant to be successful

[Dylaninthemovies1]

Actually, I know I am!

Sometimes I suffer from the green eyed monster (we all do), but sometimes I notice some people are just more naturally successful in life! They’ve been born good looking and into a successful, middle class family, they are always popular and confident and ultimately have ended up successful in life.

I’m sure they have moments of insecurity in private and their lives are not all plain sailing.

But, am I unreasonable to think that some people have just been gifted genetically somehow to be successful?

I do think some people have better luck than others.

There is a huge element of luck in what you get dealt, but there are so many variables, aren't there? People are different and react to situations differently/have a different outlook and I think that plays a part. I'm sure we've all met someone good looking who turned out to be boring and someone not so conventionally good look but who is attractive. Also, define success - that asl odifferd from person to person.

Yea I think success really depends on your perspective - everyone has a different version of it. What would a successful life look like for you?

I don't think its genetics OP- just their privilege usually. It is significantly easier to navigate life with financial security and parental safety nets. Or indeed to have been lucky enough to have grown up with well adjusted, social parents who were able to expose their children to situations where they learned valuable life skills could afford opportunities and payment for the improvement of practia skills, travel, things that help on a CV, good connections for first jobs or to help with dissertations etc.

That is the shortlist of things in a non exhaustive list of how privilege works. It is 'unfair' on those who didn't have it, there is a global disadvantage at play. Whether its helpful to feel jealous is another matter.

Some people were always going to do well simply because it would be hard for them not to really. It's not any personal comment on you.

I think it’s a mix of hard working, good luck and timing that makes people successful. I don’t think it’s written into your genetics, if any of those three things don’t quite line up then it can impact on how well you land.
Agreed that if you come from a secure/loving family, aren’t born into poverty etc then that can really help you in life.

Some people definitely have a better start in life than others but this does not mean they will have an amazing and successful life in terms of job, house and money accrued.

Not all gifted and talented people come from great backgrounds though. Look at Oprah Winfrey and JK Rowling both had tough times but worked hard to get where they are today.

I agree. Intelligence is genetic, but so are the qualities you need to make the most of it like drive and determination and organisation, and so is not having any kind of learning difficulty.

YANBU. Looks, money and then things like race and disabilities, sadly, can make a huge difference to how successful people are.

That doesn't mean a good looking rich person is always successful, they just have more potential to be.

I have a friend who I admit I've been slightly jealous of in the past. Beautiful, liked by Everyone, Married to a high earner and able to be a SAHM with a fabulous house and spend time doing proper mum things with her DC, before whisking them off to (one of) their holiday homes whist DH & I juggled childcare, working and did our best to keep on top of the house and Garden, nice as she was, I felt inadequate at times, like I'd done something wrong.

But guess what? The DH was an abusive twat who dumped her for a younger model once her DC were at secondary. So what actually is successful at the end of the day? Not everyone with a seemingly enviable life really has it all.

Luck plays a huge part.

I grew up in an abusive household, tried my best at school but had ADHD and was scared to go home. Was badly bullied and then raped by my ex and who left me in debt with two very young boys. I am more anxious than ever and scrape by. Lockdown is having a huge effect on me and I really fear for me and my boys safety. I am an absolute exhausted wreck, thanks to all that lead up to this lockdown too. I have no one to turn to. I have no one who loves me or misses me... no one that shows it anyway. I honestly don't know if I'll survive it. I am crying every day and talking to myself.

I've been jealous of my old school friend for years. She has designer gear, beauty treatment, eats at all the posh places - a beautiful big house, huge garden, hot tub, new BMW, new kitchen, bathroom- abroad twice a year, getting married abroad and paying for guests.

She's always made out like it's her own hard work (works from home on the phone, part time) - her OH is a care worker. For a long while neither worked. They are both Uni drop outs.

Just found out that it all comes from family hand outs and compensation pay outs. that they seem to have a ton of.

Of course you are incredibly lucky if you are born into a supportive and loving family. If your brain can handle academic pressure (mine just can't I have tried over and over). If you are gorgeous and naturally friendly and outgoing. If you have people who love you at any time. You basically have great foundations for success.

Define "successful" first of all.

I don't think "managed to stay on the same rung as my parent" is particularly successful. More of a coast along.

Someone who has overcome difficulty in their life, someone who has built up courage to do the right thing even when others around them sought to undermine them.. that to me is a successful person.

What is success to you OP?

Hmmm maybe I'm not sure what I think.

DH was born in a very poor estate, council house no money at all. Suffered a lot of racism and prejudice. Didn't do that well at school but did a uni foundation year to get onto degree programme.. Fast forward 8 years he is top of his field at one of the top companies in the world.

He has worked really hard, 16 hours a day for the whole time I've known him. But then again lots of people work hard and never become successful. He is handsome and has a natural charm which means he is likeable. Being an ethnicity that arent stereotyped as in high paid jobs has meant he always feels he has something to prove.

Noone around him or those he grew up with have achieved this. If I think about the differences... It's not always easy to put finger on. We've been together since we were young ish and I'm very driven - I do think your support network is a factor.

Apparently self control/will power is one of the biggest indicators of success in life. Which explains why I'm such a failure

It's not genetics but parentage.
If you pull back the curtain around most successful people there will be a parent who enabled it somehow. This is quite different to genetics.

Of all factors, your parents are the most important indicators as to a person's success, not something in the genes.

It depends what you mean by success.

It's also easier if you've got a safety net.

Have you seen this cartoon? www.boredpanda.com/privilege-explanation-comic-strip-on-a-plate-toby-morris/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=organic

YABU. Competition is the thief of joy, aside from which you don't know what individual demons people are carrying around. It also depends very much on how you measure 'success'. I, for one, couldn't give a monkeys about being popular and it wouldn't occur to me to notice or care whether or not others are. Opinion is very subjective.

I suppose on the face of it I look 'successful'. I am not a hugely high earner and don't net a 6-figure salary, but my career is sailing, my CV expanding, I'm becoming increasingly recognized as a prominent name in my field and I'm respected and consulted globally for my input into that field. Those things are all immeasurably more important to me than money. We have a big house in a lovely village and a happy marriage. We have a family, but we struggled for a decade to conceive and lost a lot of babies (not to mention money - about £60K on fertility treatment). I grew up in a modest lower middle-class background in a small house and my father experienced long periods of unemployment. I was also abused throughout my childhood by my violent, unpredictable, alcoholic father who once succeeded in concussing me, and I suffered a gang rape and other forms of serious violence and sexual abuse as a teenager.

I have a lot to be grateful for in my life: a career, home, family and friends I truly love. I also went through serious difficulty and hardship in order to reach that place.

Don't judge by appearances. It's all surface, superficial BS. Naff though the cliche is, we all have our crosses to bear.

It's not genetics but parentage.

It's genetics and parentage. Lots of things related to success are influenced by genetics: physical health, mental health, personality, intelligence. But a crap upbringing can counteract good genetics.

Just saying the exact same.. We are struggling. Every single penny we have ever earnt we've had to fight hard for. We both work hard, we've just not had a lot of luck, and certainly no help from anyone. Whereas, a lot of people we know have seemed to have that luck, and gone through their lives without too much of a struggle.

For me, it feels like I’m in the middle somewhere: I’ve done ok, have a nice house and family (but unfortunately have been struck by the ugly stick). I see some women seem to have cake from well off families with parents who paid for their uni, and also gave them money to buy nice clothes etc, so I always feel like they had a head start in life

I see some women seem to have cake from well off families with parents who paid for their uni, and also gave them money to buy nice clothes etc, so I always feel like they had a head start in life.

Think about it this way OP. Of course parents with the means to do so want to indulge their children with a point. But continue doing this, particularly into adulthood, and you do them no favours.

I can look around me and know that absolutely everything I have I earned myself. 'Nice clothes' are not all that - I always preferred the satisfaction of rummaging around vintage shops and finding something truly unique.

I was skint whilst going through 8 years of university throughout my twenties, when all my friends had the flash cars, designer gear/handbags etc. But a nice new dress teaches you - what? I'd chosen the life I wanted, and if I could go back and do the same thing again I'd do it in a heartbeat.

Our culture primes us to value certain material things, but they're not always the most important things. It depends where your personal value system stands.

As for being struck by the ugly stick, I'm sure you haven't, but even if you had, don't you believe you're thinking about yourself in the wrong way? What are your good points? Your talents? Your personal qualities? Your value as a friend? I'll bet if you listed these you'd find loads. As far as your physical appearance is concerned, if it's any comfort ageing is a great leveller and this (if we're lucky) is going to happen to all of us! When you look at those things you've considered to be good about yourself, you'll still have that. Intelligence, kindness and the like don't diminish with age, and the prospect of 'invisibility' should hold no fear. But if all you have is a pretty face ...

sorry - TO a point.

It depends what success is i guess..i did well academically but then suffered at the hands of abuser back to square one...retraining now but not 100% sure it will makene happy.
If i had my time again i would have done a lot differently but i suffere from bad timing , luck etc.
Fortunately i have a lovely dd and dp.

@MarieIVanArkleStinks unfortunately I am a wee short person who struggles with weight! My cousin has inherited her mums looks and size and is 2 years older than me but looks 10 years younger. She had an “easier” more affluent upbringing and looks awesome and is always happy. I had a stressful upbringing and it shows in my looks and also anxiety / depression. A combination of these factors has meant that I struggle to fit in at work, and haven’t had a stellar career (just middling). On the positive side I was fairly bright at school and did well there, and DHs parents gave us money for our first flat deposit, so we live in a nice house because of that head start in our early 20s

@malificent7 I’m so sorry to hear that. I hope the retraining works out

Definitely feel this and I try not to let it get to me but it does! My family and I have had quite bad luck throughout our lives (especially my lovely mum widowed three times). I know a few people who live absolutely charmed lives and never seem to have a thing go wrong. Life is unfair though.