I was really optimistic when lockdown started, was full of plans and ideas and now... Since the start of lockdown my mum told me has bowel cancer, thankfully early stages so she said nothing to get too worried about, and then my stepmum has been diagnosed with lung cancer. Whilst it's not terminal, it's incurable so they will have to find a way to manage it.
I've now lost all motivation, I can't be arsed doing anything, I just want to stay in pj's in front of the TV, even doing simple things like washing up and deciding what's for dinner seem too much of a chore. My children don't know anything about it but they're 10,11 & 15 so know somethings wrong with me, I've even told them that as long as they get maths and english done everyday, I'm not bothered about anything else, the complete opposite of how I was at the start.
I suffer from acute anxiety so this has obviously hasn't helped, I'm struggling to get to sleep, I've been doing the classic self medicating with wine, and before anyone has a go at me about that, just don't. I know its making the situation a 100 times worse and I'm starting with that. I'm putting on weight coz of the wine and sitting around moping all day which is making me feel worse, unfortunately I'm not one of those people that feels better with exercise, as soon as I get out of breathe I have a panic attack 😞
My husband has been supportive but he can also be very blunt and tactless so can sometimes say something to upset me, mainly about the lack of housework being done. He's working at the moment but doesn't help when he comes in.
Sorry it's long and whiny, just needed to get it off my chest and get a great big kick up the backside to get my shit together