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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask is paying the bills enough?

3 replies

Northernsoulgirl45 · 18/05/2020 08:26

So dh and I have 3 kids. 2 with some sen .
Two are secondary age and one infant aged.
I used to work part time but now on furlough effectively.
We both have medical issues but dhs is more severe and puts him on shielding list.
This means that he can't do anything hands on with the kids. Although tbh he has never been hands on.
The two dc with some additional needs are not handling lockdown well. They are both really clingy with poor sleep patterns etc. I am spending lots of time trying to reassure them etc etc.
Sourcing the right food for the child with ARFID has been challenging in its own right.
So here lies the AIBU.
Dh works 8 till 5 in the study Monday to Friday. The rest of the time is pretty much being spent doing whatever he wants. Watching tv, playing computer games etc.
All his meals and drinks are brought to him by me or in the case of drinks the dc as he can't carry things or stand for long periods. Although I am starting to feel played as the other day he managed to bend down and pick up the ice cream I dropped when I brought it to him but if he dropped rubbish or food etc they remain on the floor. He also has a grabber.
I am doing all the cooking, cleaning, gardening, homeschooling etc etc.
To add insult to injury he has ordered himself an early Birthday Present as he cant go out so wants another hobby. Yet I got nothing off him or anyone for that matter. for my Birthday as he didn't want to buy the thing I asked for. He suggested I order things myself. When I said I was disappointed his response was well I can't go out and buy anything. Although clearly he can order himself what he wants online.
I just feel so unsupported and am seriously considering leaving as fed up with his selfishness.
Aibu to expect more or is this balanced in these difficult circumstances?

OP posts:
Wontonhope · 18/05/2020 08:53

Get rid of him. He’s using you and doesn’t care about you.

Northernsoulgirl45 · 18/05/2020 11:32

I think he is inherently selfish and is now using his illness as a get out of jail free card.
His health is slowly improving so needing less personal care so I guess I feel more able to leave.

OP posts:
Corna · 18/05/2020 11:49

Even if he was genuinely as ill as he claims you would still be allowed to say that you have had enough and want to leave. I think there is a fine line between being a supportive partner and basically handing your entire life over to someone else's needs. It also doesn't sound like he particularly values your efforts.

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