Moving on

[Mommabear6cubs]

Long story short, I separated from my husband of 16 years almost a year ago. It was my decision as I had reached my limit with the lies over the years. We tried to work through things but it didn’t happen. Since we split he has constantly questioned me about where I am, who I’ve spoken to etc, if he sees me about and I’m talking to any other male (he will always know the person) he is on the phone almost accusing me of sleeping with or fancying said person. The last time this happened was about 2 weeks ago
Roll on to a few days ago and my daughter sees him sending messages to another woman and gets really upset, he explains a little to her about it and he then sends me a message to tell me he’s met someone on a dating site a few weeks ago and he has visited her but expects me to believe he’s meeting up with her but keeping the 2 metre distance which I find very hard to believe, who tries to start a relationship during lockdown 🙄
Anyway my issue is he’s been sending her flowers and gifts but doesn’t pay anything towards his children, he has never even asked if they need anything because he only ever does something if it benefits him
I am so angry with the way he’s treating all of us but especially the kids, shouldn’t they be his priority?
I really feel like making his life an absolute misery and hope that the kids see for themselves that he’s doing nothing to support them but I know being petty isn’t the answer
I don’t know maybe I just needed to rant about this 🤷🏼‍♀️

Can you call CMS?

It’s pointless, he is self employed and does most of his work as cash in hand so it would show he’s earning much less than he actually is

There are a few separate issues here

1. His controlling behaviour towards you since the separation
2. His lack of contribution to the raising of his children
3. The possibility that he might not be following social distancing
4. Your feelings towards him spending money on a date but not his children

I’ve ordered these as it what I see as the most important and the most likely you can do something about.

Unless you, the children or anyone you care for is high risk, otherwise social distancing is more important and you should be shielding and therefor he should be too if he seeing the children.

OP are you divorced yet?

My son is asthmatic so keeping him safe is a big priority for me anyway
I think it’s difficult to think he will buy gifts for someone he’s been speaking to and seeing for less than 3 weeks apparently but will watch me struggle to pay bills and keep the kids fed and clothed, it feels like the kids are no longer a priority to him
No we’re not divorced yet, he keeps saying he can’t afford a divorce 🤷🏼‍♀️

I would urge you to press ahead with divorce proceedings. It is not his choice about whether or not you divorce him. It is yours.

The financials will have to be dealt with as part of the divorce proceedings, and if he is deliberately evading his responsibilities, you can ask for that to be dealt with too.

If he continues to display controlling behaviour, report him to the police as this can escalate.

Unfortunately mothers have very little power when it comes to forcing a father to pay child support, particularly if they are self-employed.

Yeah you’re right, I will look into how to do it quickly and as cheaply as possible so that won’t be an issue to him
He has the kids for a couple of hours once a week and one night over the weekend it suits him
It would be nice to see him make some kind of effort to help with them, even if he payed £20 a week to show willing