To ask you to tell me good things about moving out of the marital home...

[Stegasaurusmum]

OK... Short story. Unfulfilling marriage, 13 years, 2 DC, primary age. Counselling, 5 to 10 years of niggling unhappiness, attraction to others (me) burying head in sand and shutting down emotionally (him) pouring all our time into beautiful, idyllic, family home (both) whilst ignoring the issues.

I pulled the plug. Feel relieved and guilty. In a drunken moment he thanked me and I think deep down knows its for the best.

However, he's not as far along as me in the process of accepting it.

We had agreed, keep the house, finish the DIY jobs. Lower interest rate going through this month, meaning I could afford the payments alone, in 2 years, reassess, sell if we have to. He'd agreed to rent. I do 90%of childcare and basically he's a 3rd child. We live rurally, he's always refused to learn to drive.. except now he will
Kids to be with me, he's to have all the time he'd like with them here, EOW and at least one night a week with him. He does work 12 hr days and is away for up to a week a month with work though. So it all made sense.
That was a month ago. Since, more ostrich behaviour, doing jobs on the house but asking stuff like, what colour will we decorate this, I'll decorate the bedroom etc... No looking at houses, no noises about moving...
So today I offered to go. I found a rental I can afford. He's agreed. I have said I've no idea how the childcare will work and he's likely to see them less due to location(not me stopping him, but just a fact ) but he's not bothered.
So.
Tell me, good stuff. Please! I'm excited but so so sad to leave, he would have been too..but to be fair, more my house than his, he was barely there.
But there's got to be positives right...

Solicitors always advise you to stay in the fmh, personally I would certainly not uproot the children and disrupt them more by moving no matter how attractive it seems to appear at the moment. He is the one that needs to leave.

Just seen your update, you have seen sense. Good luck.

In no particular order:
Do what you like when you like
Bed to yourself & Don’t have to listen to him snoring
Control of the tv remote control - no football or endless sport!
No one expecting you know the answer to “where are my keys” “where’s my phone” etc
No one expecting you to take responsibility for his admin, his family birthdays etc. ....No “thinking for two”
No one comparing your cooking to that of his mother
Being yourself without fear of criticism or disapproval or ridicule

Best of luck in your new life!

Yes I was quite surprised no one had mentioned that you should stay put. Stay where you are OP and start the legal wheels rolling.

I'd do "wifework" for him one last time and print out some suitable rental properties to show him and give him a time frame.

Best of luck

There is no 'imprint' of him on your new house. There will be no memories of him there. No "He was standing there when X happened" or "There's that chip/crack/spot in the that I've been asking him to fix forever".

You will be able to establish new ways of doing things, new routines, new habits that are completely to your taste. No having to compromise to suit someone else's needs or wants.

Just be sure that you have spoken to a solicitor about the ramifications of leaving the family home and how to protect your share in it.

Oh yes! And laying down the burden of 'doing' for him! Now it's on him to schedule his own appointments, do his own laundry, etc, etc.

But again, you need to be aware of whether or not he is doing proper upkeep on the house AND paying the bills.

I had a friend who left because she was in an abusive relationship and she knew he wouldn't leave. He stopped paying the mortgage and she couldn't afford to pay rent and the mortgage. He said he'd rather see it sold at auction than that she should see a penny of money from it. They lost the house to foreclosure.

Thanks all. Yes, that burden... I'm really posit I've about not having that, just the freedom of letting him sort his part in the children's lives.. Still very worried he won't do it though, that it will still be me.
But, yes I'm going to wait it out a bit longer. I am worried though as my DD, who is 10, has started being a little more stroppy and easily upset... We are in separate bedrooms which she's noticed...I'm concernedcsrsvnow worrying something is up, although ironically I think once we'd told her she'd accept it easily. I think we need to tell her sooner rather than later but he doesn't want to till he can say what's happening... And clearly currently isn't wanting to sort anything.
I'm just feeling impatient but trying to be kind too. I guess I just have to accept that he's going to take longer to come to terms with it all.