4 years ago I was in an abusive relationship with someone who completely destroyed me as a person. His comments still affect the way I am today, even though I am married to someone else now.
He raped me, made me doubt that I had previously been raped in my teens because I used to cry when he was doing it ("you think this is rape? Did you lie about the other times as well? You're such a drama queen!"). He mocked me for my mental health problems, told me I was a disgrace for not being able to get out of bed, made me feel like I was a failure and I'd never amount to anything. He said if I didn't leave him he'd end up killing me, and he never felt this amount of anger to anyone apart from me.
He was just horrendous. There's more, but I feel like I blocked it all out.
When we were breaking up, I became really mentally unwell. I started self-harming and hearing his voice shouting at me when I was falling asleep. I had brief episodes were I completely lost touch with reality (I used to think I was being watched/I was another person entirely/I had committed a crime as a child and been given a new identity).
During this time, my best friend was there to support me. She was also going through some bad times with her ex-partner. We used to meet quite regularly, and, from my point of view, we helped each other during this time.
Today, out of the blue, we started talking about being sensitive. I admittedly am very sensitive, and because I am aware of this, I always try and think about things before I react.
She became very serious and said "four years ago, you were unbearable, you talked incessantly about yourself... you were oversensitive and couldn't take a joke, I even had to tell you to stop joking with me because I couldn't do it back to you"
I don't know why, but it made me really upset. I tried to brush past it and laugh it off but I've been thinking about it all day. I guess I probably did drone on a bit, but I was in awful circumstances, and tried to take my own life. It makes me feel uncomfortable because I still have mental health problems today - does she still think the same of me?
In the past she has made comments about my marriage, saying that she doesn't think we should get married (before we did), saying it's weird that we waited so long to have sex (DP is a different religion to me, and has only had one other sexual partner before me), saying that it seemed we just got married because we "settled".
I just feel like a shit person again. She lives alone and i've stayed in touch everyday, but now I really don't want to and I can't place my finger on why.
AIBU to have got so upset about what she said?