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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To allow my DC to get a dog?

29 replies

Jojobar · 17/05/2020 13:09

DC in question are (young) adults. They have been asking for a dog for 10 years probably, eldest in particular.

My refusal was always that whilst I love dogs, I work ft, long hours and it wasn't fair. Eldest DCs friends all have dogs, as their mums don't work in the main, or only pt. One family the dad runs his own business and takes dog in with him.

So this current situation has changed a lot of things. I am now WFH indefinitely, and will probably never return ft to the office. At the moment it's looking like 1 day a week and only from October. There is a chance either or both DC will be at least partly homeworking going forward.

Eldest has asked again for a dog. WIBU to agree?

OP posts:
ECBC · 17/05/2020 13:11

What will you do if your circumstances change? Where would you get a dog from in lockdown?

ECBC · 17/05/2020 13:12

Do you actually want a dog? Seeing as you will likely be left with said dog once your DC are older

choosesoap · 17/05/2020 13:13

if they're young adults they will be leaving home whilst the dog is alive, will they be taking it with them or will you be fine to look after it forever yourself?

Aquamarine1029 · 17/05/2020 13:17

You really, really need to think very long and hard about this. Dogs are a massive amount of work, they often cause a lot of mess, and some dogs can be hard to live with. The barking, chewing, necessary training, walking, poop, etc, etc, etc. Would you be able to cope with a barky dog whilst working from home? If your children aren't home or go on holiday, YOU will be the one stuck caring for it. You have to be able to afford proper care, food, insurance.

You have to really want a dog just as much as your children, because if not, you will be miserable. I understand they've always wanted a dog, but we can't always get what we want. They can get a dog when they move out if they so choose.

Pickles89 · 17/05/2020 13:19

How old is 'Young adult'? 15, or 21? If the 15 end of things of course you can 'allow them to get a dog' but you can always get one yourself, if you really do want one and will look after it and pay for it the rest of its life. If the 21 end of things, what happens when they move out? The dog needs to have one clear owner so he knows who he 'belongs' to, even if he's bonded with everybody. Pet friendly lodgings can be hard to come by. Are they financially secure enough to pay for its upkeep and any unexpected vets bills? My dog's insurance premium is extortionate after all the issues she's turned out to have.

How will you feel if for the next few months you have a puppy around, and fall in love with it, and then your eldest moves out and you hardly ever see it. Wouldn't that be really hard? I wouldn't want someone else's dog in my home personally.

BlueSuffragette · 17/05/2020 13:20

OP the dog will in reality be your dog. You will care for it most probably after your children lose the initial interest and eventually leave home. Ask yourself do YOU want a dog? If so please consider a rescue dog rather than a puppy. I have 2. Absolutely adore them. I work mainly from home. They are a great addition to my life.

stopandListen · 17/05/2020 13:21

Unless you actually want a dog and don't mind looking after it then YABU to get one just because kids have been badgering you for years.

flamegame · 17/05/2020 13:26

It could work but if none of you have ever had a dog before, it’s a large commitment. Wfh will end unless you get remote work written into your contract.

Original poster
Jojobar · 17/05/2020 13:29

They're both over 18.

I think yes, the dog will be staying here so it will end up being my dog. That said, I don't think either of them will move out for at least 5 years, possibly longer as we're in London and it's just too expensive on their fairly modest salaries.

I've had a bit of personal turmoil recently which is probably swaying me towards saying yes.

OP posts:
Hugt · 17/05/2020 13:29

Downside of older dc's is they are likely to move out far befor the dog passes away.

Unfortunately teenagers are teenagers and are unlikely to commit to the dog, eg if they are out all day with their friends then they wont be worried about how long the dog was left or coming back to walk it. They will also then likely fly on to different ventures eg full time jobs, university, flats that dont take pets.

If you are happy to get the dog for you and dp, and commit to taking care of it then obviously the above doesnt matter too much. Is your new working pattern likely to change in the next 10 years or so?

I had a dog as a teen which i loved and wouldnt swap for the world, but any dog needs to be a family dog with the commitment mostly made by the parents

Mumof1andacat · 17/05/2020 13:30

How old are the children? If they want the dog who will look after the dog if they go to uni if they are teenagers? What if they move out at 18. It needs to be the family dog really so ultimately do you want the dog? What about financial responsibility for the dog?

Original poster
Jojobar · 17/05/2020 13:32

The company I work for already have a number of permanent home workers, and now we're planning to expand this and also allow others depending on role to work 3-4 days per week at home (I'm in this latter category).

OP posts:
Hugt · 17/05/2020 13:32

Just seen they are both over 18. Even if they dont move out for 5 years, is highly likely dog will still be arround. As a teen id of loved to have moved out with the dog, but unfortunately moving out normally requires renting, flat shares or first time properties/work life styles arent compatible.

I guess the important question is do you want a dog? If you do and can commit then it sounds like a good set up

TARSCOUT · 17/05/2020 13:33

Even if they're at home for +5 years my last dog lived till it was 17. I think if you are getting a dog it will be your dog not theirs.

Original poster
Jojobar · 17/05/2020 13:38

I say 5 years, it could be 10, or longer. I know quite a few late 20s who are still living at home trying to save 50k for a house deposit.

The dog will also be company for me, I'm single and likely to remain that way. I had always planned to get a dog when I semi retire/ do some pt work in 5 or so years.

OP posts:
Elieza · 17/05/2020 13:39

Get your wfh sorted first or you’ll need to factor in doggy daycare or walking costs as it’s surely not fair to leave it in all day alone needing the toilet for five days a week.

Alymcnabs · 17/05/2020 13:47

If you, personally, can commit to the dog for the next 12 years or so and can afford daycare, should you return to work, and decent pet insurance then I don’t see why not.

Your DC are young adults. Would they be prepared to look after dog if you went on holiday or became ill (hope you don’t but it is something to consider).

Do some research as to what a dog needs and research the breed you are thinking about. Please don’t decide today you want a dog and go out and get one tomorrow.

A dog is a big responsibility for a long time. But very worth it IMO 🐶

Don’t forget about training too. If you are thinking about a puppy you need to enrol in puppy classes to show you the basics.

dottiedodah · 17/05/2020 14:10

If you think you can care for said dog: walks in all weathers! mud on carpet ,hair everywhere just for starters! If you get a pup there is a lot of housetraining .chewing ,and so on .Rescue dogs are often a good bet but research the history. Also maybe a small /med size dog ? Dont be like a lady on here last week ,whose friend kept getting dogs and re homing then couldnt believe how big their Weiminerar became (Very)!Also in London are you near parks and so on for exercise or witjin a short driving distance? Have a think and if you think you can cope the go ahead!(20 odd years of sharing our lives with super dogs here!)

NewName54321 · 17/05/2020 14:13

If you don't want to commit to such a long period of time, you could get a rescue dog that's older. Or, do you live in an area where you could foster for a shelter or puppy-walk for a charity like Guide Dogs or Hearing dogs?

MitziK · 17/05/2020 14:17

If they're both over 18, they can get themselves a dog when they move out. That way they are responsible for feeding it, walking it, training it, cleaning up after it, paying the vet bills and everything else.

Otherwise, you've got another ten plus years of being tied to the home more than if you had a baby whilst the people who wanted it disappear off to have fun.

Pickles89 · 17/05/2020 14:24

@Jojobar You all need to decide who's going to be the owner, you can't just vaguely wander into it as a family without really knowing who has the ultimate responsibility for it. Either you get a dog, which they can enjoy as part of the family, but it stays with you if they leave, or one of them gets a dog (providing they can pay for it and will always have time for it!) and you have to step back knowing that they have the say-so over its life. It sounds like you very much want a dog, so why don't you just get one and then they can choose to get their own if/when they move out, if they still want to.

choosesoap · 17/05/2020 15:15

I was working from home part time in london with a dog up until last year. it cost me 200-300 a month for food, insurance, bits and bob's then the 30 a day for daycare if I needed to go into work once or twice a week, plus any holidays would add 400-500 on top of that, so do think about the big uplift in expenses ad I was shocked how much it was.

Windyatthebeach · 17/05/2020 15:27

Be happy dc didn't want - and get without prior approval - a 5 ft iguana before they moved out..
Ime...
Ddogs are fab op!!

flamegame · 17/05/2020 18:15

I wfh with my dog for 14 years, it was lovely. As long as you can get away for a good walk at lunchtime!

Mary46 · 17/05/2020 18:34

We got a dog last week. He is great. Daughter is 14 half she does alot. We all do our bit.