Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To let toddler finish nap in car

29 replies

WrongWayApricot · 16/05/2020 19:51

My son is turning two soon and still naps 1.5 to 2 hours a day. Everytime we meet up with his dad he doesn't let him finish his nap and finds a way to wake him. We usually meet him outside at the park or something and on the way back he falls asleep in the car. I feel that he should be allowed to finish his nap. On these days it is open ended with no time limit, neither his dad or me has anywhere else to be.

Before now we'd all be in the same car and his dad will kiss him or jingle keys or hum or something else seemingly innocent that wakes him. Even though I ask every time that he doesn't. He says he isn't trying to wake him up but it always seems to happen after one of these things happen.

Today with the social distancing we were in separate cars, so I thought he could finish his nap undisturbed today. We had been for a long beach walk and were getting some food on the way back, maybe have another walk when we were closer to home again. His dad taps on the window and asked what the plan is, I say wait for him to wake up. He says okay, then goes to open the door saying that he's going to wind up the window that keeps falling by a couple of mm. I say no, do it later, let him nap. He goes back to his car and calls my phone. I rush to pick it up and say please stop trying to wake him. He says he's not he just wants to know the plan. So now we are having a back and forth, with me telling him I already told him. And so bubs wakes up now because I'm talking. And now I feel annoyed because its every time I feel he finds a way to wake him up.

I say I don't know why he won't let him sleep. And he says because I didn't get out to talk to him while he naps (the car door sound usually wakes baby up), that he wants his time with us and that I can't stop the whole world for a baby to sleep.

I really don't know if I'm wrong here. I don't know that much about kids, should I wake him up at the next destination even if he has only had 20 mins? He never goes back off and often gets cranky if he misses his sleep. I'm struggling to see a good reason for waking him, it can be boring waiting for someone to sleep but isn't it part of normal parenthood? If we had tickets to be somewhere or a time limit I'd understand but we're all together for the day til it peters out, I don't get the rush? Am I being too precious or should baby be allowed to finish their nap?

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 16/05/2020 20:34

OK. In that case - although it's probably difficult at the moment due to lack of babysitters, I reckon I would keep the contact visits separate from the time you two spend together. You can have some mixed. But it seems to me like he needs to have time with his son and you need to have time togerher as a couple. Then he can do what he wants for nap time and it doesn't need to be an argument. You can also work out what's happening with your relationship without the

However another part of me wants to say Shock Shock Shock run for the hills!

  1. You can't seem to communicate over an extremely simple parenting issue (this is a huge red flag, don't pursue a relationship with somebody you can't communicate with)
  1. He's being weirdly and massively selfish in wanting to wake up a toddler who needs to have a nap because HE wants to spend the whole day with you and HE considers it "wasted time" when DC is napping. I find this bizarre. I would not want to be in a relationship with somebody who behaves like that because I would think they would do it to me. He is also dictating and controlling everything that is happening during these meet ups - read your posts - it's a lot of "He wants..." "He says..." not "We decided"? Is that a relationship that you want? He says this, he wants that, you go along with it meekly because when you express a desire he just pretends that he's not subverting it while doing so anyway?
  1. Also if you're a new (ish) couple - erm - nap time is sex time, no?? Blush I mean... you probably don't get many opportunities. Obviously the car park of the local swimming pool is probably not the opportune location, but nip home, let him nap there while you two get some quiet time? And if this is not appealing, why?? Are you a couple who have been married for years and are exhausted from equally (ish) parenting a toddler, knowing that sex will come back in a few months/years and okay with that, or are you rekindling a flame/seeing if a fairly new relationship has legs and if so, not being especially horny for each other is another red flag, isn't it?
BertieBotts · 16/05/2020 20:35

Without the arguments, sorry, I must have been writing different bits of the post at different times.

BertieBotts · 16/05/2020 20:37

No - sorry - head not screwed on at the moment, need to go to bed early I think.

WITHOUT THE... toddler distracting you, taking the focus away, making it easy to evade talking about the relationship. And if you are talking about your relationship with him there, honestly, I'd suggest not to... I know he probably can't really talk at the moment, but they pick up a lot more than you think.

WrongWayApricot · 17/05/2020 14:30

Thank you all for your replies, especially BertieBotts you've given me a lot to think about. It was helpful to hear different ideas and perspectives. Smile

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread